Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 12

[namelesswonder]

Yeah I would get Mirena. Don't worry, I've done research on this. Also, ending that topic because I don't want to start any uncomfortable discussions about my sexual choices.

Anywho, still failing at getting out of bed. Eating my 3 eggs fried in bacon grease (saved from yesterday). Boyfriend's sister saw me and thought I was kidding at first. I told her it was a rough week and I deserve it (meaning I deserve to eat well, but obviously she can take it as a "treat" if she wants). Tuna, cucumber and cherries for lunch, because that's all I have left. No more almond butter for a while. I ate a lot yesterday and it upset my stomach. Much as it's delicious, it seems too sweet to be good (3g of sugar, added from unrefined cane sugar).

Just one more day to get through and then I get to drive the long hours to the lake house. Rather unhappy about having my period, which will make me very nervous about swimming, but I am fully prepared to deal with it, at least. My mental checklist is going okay so far for packing, but I always forget something... I've remembered my banana chips for the drive though, which will give me some of that potassium I may be missing!

[AliceH]

I promise, this will be the last I post on this. I didn't do Mirena because I'd had issues with birth control pills causing headaches and moodswings, and the idea of having something implanted in me that could cause those same issues made me nervous. I had a Norplant, back when those were still being prescribed, and it made me completely insane and it took me years to figure out that the Norplant was what was doing it. Not saying implanted hormones would have the same effect on you, just something to consider.

[namelesswonder]

For the record, no LDL or trig results. My doctor said she only does a full lip panel for those over 40. She said rough LDL could be determined by subtracting LDL from total cholesterol.

[namelesswonder]

Thoughts before I'm offline till Sunday evening
-Next week - reflect on differences on period w/o BC and eating primal (so far, first 2 days very comfortable, just adjusting to different flow, no bloating or cramps)
-Make meal plan - more protein in lunch, make some simple salads with avocado and meat
-Try broiling steak again (epic fail with the rub last time, didn't taste like anything)
-Swim next week!!!


Other:
-Help Mama with some computer organization (locating documents, installing programs, showing her how to back things up on the external drive...again)
-Talk to Papa about barefoot running (old knee injury, flares up if he runs too much, which is his primary form of exercise), see if he's read about it
-Call Baba (has been in hospital a lot recently, pace-maker put in a few months ago)
-Thinking about getting Vibram's FiveFingers, will have to wait a few weeks-a month so I can save up a little and think on it.

[girlarchitect]

Have a great weekend at the lake!!

[me2]

Oh girl, sounds rough. I suffered from depression & anxiety for a long time. I actually posted this on NoSaladWithoutMeat's journal but maybe it will be helpful for you too:

My brain was an untrained puppy running around & shitting everywhere & I had no control. For me, meditating has been wonderful. Sometimes my mind will start going crazy again & I will think, "Oh my god, this is how I use to live." Complete with the anxiety attacks and freakouts that included the following inner monologue: What if? now I'm pissed holding a grudge but what if this? but what if that? I'm not okay I'm not okay this is horrible whatamIgoigngtoDO?EVERYBODYHATESMEMYWHOLELIFESUCKS ISACATASTROPHYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Now when that crap stats to bubble up I just use my practice & dissolve it. It is pretty amazing how well it works. Of course it is not fail proof & it took me a year to get to this point and I am still learning. But surely it beats being in mental agony.

[Griffin]

Complete with the anxiety attacks and freakouts that included the following inner monologue: What if? now I'm pissed holding a grudge but what if this? but what if that? I'm not okay I'm not okay this is horrible whatamIgoigngtoDO?EVERYBODYHATESMEMYWHOLELIFESUCKS ISACATASTROPHYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

You could have gleaned that from one of my inner dialogues. Creepy!

[namelesswonder]

Got in an accident Friday PM on my way to a lakehouse. Wet roads + getting driven off the road by assholes (one guy up my ass and other speeding by 20+ mph faster than me/speed limit) = spinning off the road and scraping along the center median on wet grass. And a ticket for "moved from lane unsafely" because we stayed 2 min too long just collecting ourselves after we turned the car around (ended up backwards, passenger's side got all the scrapes/damage) with the help of one kind stranger.

I feel so fucking bad because it's my boyfriend's car. Will get a call from insurance rep tomorrow and hopefully I can get it all covered and fixed ASAP. I am glad we are okay and the damage does not impact the performance of the car but FUCK. Also fucking MAD that the two assholes that ran me off the road didn't stop! They had to have seen me spin out!

Glad my friend was there, keeping calm. Glad the lakehouse was fun even though I didn't feel like drinking much, and food-cheated a lot. At least I got tons of bacon, and last night was all grill meat (I declined the buns).

5+ hrs of driving later due to traffic, a stuck gas door (had to go in through the trunk lining to get it open, no idea what that's about as it's on the driver's side), and the trunk randomly popping open, and I'm home and frustrated. I informed boyfriend of accident/damage/will pay for repairs etc. via email and he replied with "That does not make me happy". Thanks, glad you care I'm okay. Half not looking forward to him coming home tonight (no idea when, about to log into his email to find out).

[athomeontherange]

Got in an accident Friday PM on my way to a lakehouse. Wet roads + getting driven off the road by assholes (one guy up my ass and other speeding by 20+ mph faster than me/speed limit) = spinning off the road and scraping along the center median on wet grass. And a ticket for "moved from lane unsafely" because we stayed 2 min too long just collecting ourselves after we turned the car around (ended up backwards, passenger's side got all the scrapes/damage) with the help of one kind stranger.

Oh I am so sorry this happened to you! Thank God you all were not injured!

Glad my friend was there, keeping calm. Glad the lakehouse was fun even though I didn't feel like drinking much, and food-cheated a lot. At least I got tons of bacon, and last night was all grill meat (I declined the buns).

small victory's are also important!! Good job declining the buns!

5+ hrs of driving later due to traffic, a stuck gas door (had to go in through the trunk lining to get it open, no idea what that's about as it's on the driver's side), and the trunk randomly popping open, and I'm home and frustrated. I informed boyfriend of accident/damage/will pay for repairs etc. via email and he replied with "That does not make me happy". Thanks, glad you care I'm okay. Half not looking forward to him coming home tonight (no idea when, about to log into his email to find out).

accidents are called accidents for a reason. He may not be happy but this too shall pass. You are making progress, please do not get frustrated! Try and do some relaxation.

[namelesswonder]

Thank you for your kind words. I am enjoying a nice evening with some booze (not primal, but back on track tomorrow), watching "Camelot" (the story of Arthur's rise to the throne with lots of sex & boobies for skipping over), while also reading "Mists of Avalon". I am looking forward to my boyfriend's safe return home later tonight and am staying home tomorrow morning to talk to the insurance rep/catch up on some missed sleep.

Depending on what the insurance rep says, I may claim not guilty to the accident report and appear at the hearing to appeal. Not sure if it'd be successful since I am the only person who was available/damaged at the scene.