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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 115

  1. #1141
    drssgchic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Right, and tonight is the anniversary of my overdose/suicide attempt. 8 years now. Usually I forget, but my mood will not allow for that today. Today, for the first time, I am not happy with where I am post-overdose.
    Where you are right now might not be where you want to be, but I'm still glad you're here.

    I think you're on the right track with Boyfriend. Coddling will only get him so far. Sometimes what's needed is a swift kick in the ass. If he's being picky about his job choices when he has one option and rent is coming due, then he needs a kick. If you don't deliver it, life will.

    I can't prescribe you two weeks off like I got- but I do prescribe one night. You're to worry about nothing. Take a nice bath. Read a very silly book. Pick up a bottle of wine if the budget can spare it. And if Boyfriend isn't going to help you destress, then ignore his ass and take care of yourself right now.
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    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

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  2. #1142
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    As to Boyfriend- Drssg has the right idea. Jobs are short and he won't have the pick of the litter, especially starting out. He needs to try for everything, just to get one where y'all can survive without you doing every little thing for him, monetarily. I know how hard it is to swallow your pride and apply for things you're beyond overqualified for. But when it's between that and having somewhere to live and food, you take what you can get. Give him the ultimatum. 6months, 8 months, whatever your gut tells you is right. Baby bird won't fly unless he's kicked out of the nest.
    We're all here for you. Take a night for YOU. Not necessarily tonight if that's dangerous timing, but one of these nights do all the things you consider to be pleasurable, ESPECIALLY the guilty pleasures.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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  3. #1143
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    Wonder,

    I know this is late, and maybe you're past it and want to move on to other subjects... I was having a bit of a rough day too and wasn't sure how much I wanted to put into a response here. But I've wrenched around in my own guts a good bit and decided that it's best to just go ahead and put stuff out there.

    By seventh grade I was cutting. It got noticed and I found other outlets that were similar but less identifiable. I still revert to them in times of extreme anxiety, sometimes it can take me a few weeks to even realize that I'm actively doing it. Then I progressed to taking walks "hunting" with the shotgun. I didn't walk much. I mostly found a very quiet and secluded spot where I could sit and cry and face down that barrel. Sitting in the woods with the butt of a gun between your bare feet isn't exactly an attempt, but I got pretty close.
    I know I can't understand your exact pain. But I understand the nature of it, and how it can feel like it takes over everything.

    You are so brave for putting it out there and letting the world see it. And see you working through it.
    I hope that tomorrow finds you in a better place. I hope that therapy doesn't feel strained or unproductive for you. And I hope that the BF can open his eyes and see that he needs to be a part of the unit, not an adjunct.
    I wish I could wrap you up in comfort, but I know that each of us has to find that from within.

    And this... the translation isn't great... but the idea is right.
    It's about accepting yourself and loving your life, the good and the bad, and letting go of things that need to be.


    I hope that was helpful and not hurtful... when I feel all twisted up inside I never know if what I say will be taken the way I feel it. You know.

    Peace and love to you.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
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  4. #1144
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    Cori, thank you. Really.

    The Anacreontic Song (Georgia Tech Glee Club) - YouTube
    Guys. GUYS. I found out recently that the tune for the American national anthem is based on a British drinking song. My friends and I have decided that we must sing this at a bar to really demonstrate its full drunken potential. And we all need to be drinking beer (or ale). It's going to rock. Maybe we should have a bar outing around the 4th. Maaannnn why does it have to be in the middle of the week? At least it will be a nice way to break up the week.

    Food: Two cookies yesterday. They are gone now. I think I will ask Boyfriend to help me get through the rest of the month without any wheat. My second attempt at steak came out a bit more medium, but still really tasty. Boyfriend's was closer to well on the medium-well spectrum and he said it was not too tough. We roasted potatoes and they were awesome as well. A side of veg would've rounded out the meal, but sometimes I just want to stuff myself on steak and potatoes and THAT'S HOW IT SHOULD BE.

    Exercise: Two nights ago I did a bunch of my KB lifts and presses and swings. My anti-candida supps and the L-Glutamine kill the wheat-bloat pretty well so my stomach is back to mostly flat and I am ready to push myself more to see what abs I can reveal. I think I would need to lose more body fat in order to really make them show, but I'm happy to build on what I have now for that ultimate "athletic" look. I'll never have the boobs, but maybe I can have the booty.

    Budget: I tried on all my bathing suit pieces last weekend and I think I can fix-up the bikini bottoms I have so they fit well enough. Pretty sure they would fall off in a dive right now. And I've been wearing the same tops for years and years and that's unlikely to change so I am not going to waste any money on a new suit right now. As much as I wanted to splurge on something material this month, I think my birthday gift to myself is going to be tickets to that concert at the end of the month.

    I'm off to therapy in a few, probably will update more after on the state of my brain. Right now, I feel like there are so many things going on inside my head, I don't know what I'll talk about there and I don't know what I'd start with here.
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  5. #1145
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I found out recently that the tune for the American national anthem is based on a British drinking song
    I knew that, but had never heard the song. If you can sing that drunk, you're not drunk enough.
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  6. #1146
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    Welp I'm gonna sing the national anthem while drunk, not the original version (and not all the stanzas, just the most commonly known part). We did a test run at the last party we had (when I found out about the song) and it was AWESOME. Our party was called "Summer 101" and one of the course goals (in the description for the party on Facebook) was "an improved appreciation for Jolly Rancher vodka" (which we had made for the party, and let me tell you the green apple is deceptively delicious). Yeah, we're cool like that. We decided it must be sung in a bar in order to pass the course. =P

    I still think the Overture of 1812 should be our national anthem. How fun would it be to have a bunch of people singing along to the (wordless) song and making cannon noises?

    Therapy: My head still hurts from crying. It was a rough session. I guess the tears are not finished with me yet this week. I still feel as though I could cry. I find myself wondering once again if 5-HTP would help, but it's June now so I ordered Tryptophan because I was pretty convinced last month that 5-HTP wasn't doing anything anymore. I already have a B-complex that I can take in the AM (taking Tryptophan an hour or two before bedtime). It should arrive on Monday (another Amazon Prime trial, w00t).

    I don't know what to say to my dad. I'm more hurt about how it seemed he valued his friend's insult over me (and I realize that he may not see it like that at all) than anything else. I am also just very lonely and it might just be that I really need to tell him what's going on with me so I can get some additional support. This all happened right after Boyfriend "came out" as severely depressed so I think that has a big influence on my entire response. My therapist seemed quite proud of me and said I did a good job with the email I sent to my dad heh.

    After therapy, I was really upset so I drove home to get a hug from Boyfriend and maybe cry on him a bit. He was still asleep, but woke up easily, and I told him a little about the session and cried on him. He did not get paid as much as he thought he would (about as much as I thought he would though), so he will still have to get a job before July. I am going to try really hard not to worry about money right now and just focus on my own attempts at budgeting. Things will work out. I am not sure why I suddenly feel better about that.
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  7. #1147
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    Catharsis. Crying helps you move forward. You're working on yourself and taking control of what you can. It helps.

    *hug*
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

  8. #1148
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I still think the Overture of 1812 should be our national anthem. How fun would it be to have a bunch of people singing along to the (wordless) song and making cannon noises?
    While it might be fun, it was actually based on the French and Russian war going on at the time and has nothing to do with America. Also much of it was based on actual songs with words, such as Russian Easter hymns and La Marseillaise so technically I guess it could be sung with words. Then again, as is the song is freaking badass. I love that piece of music.

    Edit: I should make clear that I am not trying to bag on your idea. I think it would make a far better national anthem than the abomination we have now.
    Last edited by canio6; 06-01-2012 at 12:54 PM.

  9. #1149
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    Quote Originally Posted by drssgchic View Post
    Catharsis. Crying helps you move forward. You're working on yourself and taking control of what you can. It helps.

    *hug*
    ^indeed. Tons o' hugs nameless

  10. #1150
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    *buries self in hugs*

    I am totes re-bleaching & dyeing my hair this weekend. It will be good therapy And if I get really sad, I might go take my pathetic ass to the movies and see Snow White and the Huntsman. I'm sure it will be awful, but Thor is in it and sometimes I just need something awful but pretty (I just feel like the overall visual tone will be appealing) to cheer me up. But so help me, if Thor kisses Twilight-chick, I will slay something.
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