I know this is late, and maybe you're past it and want to move on to other subjects... I was having a bit of a rough day too and wasn't sure how much I wanted to put into a response here. But I've wrenched around in my own guts a good bit and decided that it's best to just go ahead and put stuff out there.
By seventh grade I was cutting. It got noticed and I found other outlets that were similar but less identifiable. I still revert to them in times of extreme anxiety, sometimes it can take me a few weeks to even realize that I'm actively doing it. Then I progressed to taking walks "hunting" with the shotgun. I didn't walk much. I mostly found a very quiet and secluded spot where I could sit and cry and face down that barrel. Sitting in the woods with the butt of a gun between your bare feet isn't exactly an attempt, but I got pretty close.
I know I can't understand your exact pain. But I understand the nature of it, and how it can feel like it takes over everything.
You are so brave for putting it out there and letting the world see it. And see you working through it.
I hope that tomorrow finds you in a better place. I hope that therapy doesn't feel strained or unproductive for you. And I hope that the BF can open his eyes and see that he needs to be a part of the unit, not an adjunct.
I wish I could wrap you up in comfort, but I know that each of us has to find that from within.
And this... the translation isn't great... but the idea is right.
It's about accepting yourself and loving your life, the good and the bad, and letting go of things that need to be.
I hope that was helpful and not hurtful... when I feel all twisted up inside I never know if what I say will be taken the way I feel it. You know.
Peace and love to you.