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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 114

  1. #1131
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    namelesswonder is offline Senior Member
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    Ramblings, Ravings and Rants.
    Added an About Me and Links of Interest page (top of the blog). Now I really want to make a custom header and possibly template. Wonder if I could get a talented friend to design a template for me, I'm not good with that kind of graphic design.

    And I definitely need a better blog title.
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  2. #1132
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    Ah... dreams. I have dreams of so many things but they're so far away from reality that it's rather depressing, so I pretty much ignore them for now.

    Marriage. It's got it's ups and it's got it's down.... I'll stop there. Not sure how to put the little thingus above the e here... I know how to do it in Word, but it's not working here...

    Sugar... ME TOO! I hate sugar for it's evilness! Vile, evil sweetness.
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  3. #1133
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    I had a bowl of greek yogurt with raw local honey (now condensed to RLH because I'm cool like that) last night. Aw fuck, that's right, Boyfriend made more cookies from scratch and they were even better than the first batch and I had one. My chin-acne is lingering because of these slips and because I'm having a hard time figuring out my candida combat strategies. L-Glutamine works fairly well on its own when I take it twice a day, but my bowel function is not quite right without probiotics. It seems counterproductive to take them at the same time, so I'm trying to do one in the morning and one in the evening, but keep forgetting. I just hope that once I get that down, my gut will heal enough that I can stop all these supplements!

    I cried for a while on my own last night. I just feel really lonely. I didn't want to think so I just sat there in the dark until I felt like I could get up and do something. I tidied a couple things up and then asked Boyfriend if he could cuddle with me. I could not cool off last night so while he ended up falling asleep (and waking up with me this morning), I had to go sleep in the other room so I wasn't curling up in what felt like a pool of sweat. Urgh.

    This morning, I admitted to Boyfriend about crying last night and how I was feeling. I told him I did not want to burden him with my feelings because he is feeling the same way and it doesn't help him any to hear it from me. I don't think he knew what to say (normally he'd say soothing things and hold me tight) so he just held me quietly. I keep thinking to myself, "I am at my wit's end," but I don't know what with, or what to do.

    My steak is defrosting in the fridge, but not marinading in anything. I hope it will be okay with just some dry rub (it's some kind of london broil cut). I have some red potatoes and I'm not sure what to do with them, but I think I want them with the steak tonight. Mashed potatoes are too much work, maybe I can just cube them and bake.
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  4. #1134
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    Right, and tonight is the anniversary of my overdose/suicide attempt. 8 years now. Usually I forget, but my mood will not allow for that today. Today, for the first time, I am not happy with where I am post-overdose.
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  5. #1135
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I have some red potatoes and I'm not sure what to do with them, but I think I want them with the steak tonight. Mashed potatoes are too much work, maybe I can just cube them and bake.
    SparkPeople has a recipe that goes something like this:

    red potatoes - cubed with skin
    2 tbsp olive oil
    basil
    rosemary
    oregano
    thyme
    garlic

    Mix all together and place on a baking sheet. Bake for about 15-20 minute (until done) at 350 degrees.

    Super yum. I don't remember the quanities though and because the recipe is in their cookbook, which they want you to buy, it's not a recipe that's available online. I would think you could do a 1/2 tsp for each (or more for the garlic).
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  6. #1136
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Right, and tonight is the anniversary of my overdose/suicide attempt. 8 years now. Usually I forget, but my mood will not allow for that today. Today, for the first time, I am not happy with where I am post-overdose.
    I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. (hugs)
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  7. #1137
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    Cube 'em, toss 'em with butter, rosemary, thyme, garlic, salt, and pepper, and bake until tender.
    As to the crying, I hear you. I've been needing to cry for a couple months now, but every time it actually tries to appear, I'm in a public place, and by the time I get back home it's gone. I don't like the tears, but they're a pressure release valve for the "I want outs." I usually have no clue what I want out of, because I love Geek and most of my life, but it's just this strong urge to run away from my problems, just for a little while. (I know I get it from mom. She acted on her urges.) Whenever I do cry and Geek's around to find me, he'll help me feel better, but there is a corking action there, because I know it pains him to see me hurting. I'unno. Crying is cathartic, but too much is counterproductive. I've been taught for so long that tears are bad that it's hard to act otherwise.
    Anyways that's my 3 cents and more than you didn't want.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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    As to the overdosiversary and it's emotions- I'm sorry hun, I really am. I can't promise you that life'll get better, but it will go on and happy times will occasionally appear.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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    Hang in there, wonderwoman.
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  10. #1140
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    Thanks for the support, everyone. I am so unbalanced today that just reading your kind words made me tear up (and is making me tear up again thinking about it). I am prone to be very black or white about things so I am spending a lot of time fighting myself to try and stay gray, but it's taxing.

    I feel like there is too much to discuss in therapy tomorrow, but one thing I know is I'm constantly correcting myself from trying to "find the answers" there. I know that she cannot tell me what to do, but it has always been my inclination to go to therapy and have someone tell me what to do. They can only make suggestions on how to present something that I have already decided to discuss and have offered up my own version of what to say/do. For the first time in my life, I'm ready for that kind of aid, the guidance and insight that a neutral party can reveal in myself, but today I am burnt out.
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 01-16-2015 at 01:23 PM.
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