OM NOM NOM
OM NOM NOM
This is the way I see it (from a dad's perspective). My daughter is the most beautiful person in the world, and if she came home with your tattoo, I would be upset too. It would be like defacing a work of art that I helped create. I imagine that your dad feels the same way, and he doesn't see the defacing comment as an insult. I think you need to understand his side. I guess a long talk is in order, but as you know, guys aren't the best at communicating their feelings. We make jokes to avoid getting emotional, or send generic email replies because we're not sure what else to say. I just wanted to provide you a different view, so you wouldn't beat yourself up over it too much.
And by the way, I absolutely love your tattoo, it is amazing. But you're also not my daughter
I think I understand his perspective, but again, it bothers me more that he didn't stand up for me when his friend said that (and after that, yes, mad that he agreed). It's also frustrating because this is not my first tattoo (though it is significantly larger and more visible than my first), my sister also has tattoos (that are visible), so it's not really out of the blue. My dad is a grade A non-communicator in all aspects of life, so this was probably an opportunity for him to vent a little and he did not really handle it appropriately. The only part of this that I beat myself up for is trusting that he would have my back no matter what, but being reminded once again that he doesn't. This isn't the first time I have felt like my family wasn't there for me, but I cannot think of specifics when that might have happened before.
Anyway, don't want to talk about that anymore. Now I am frustrated because I feel like I am not communicating my feelings effectively. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it again on Friday and figure out what I'm going to do. Why is it so much harder to open up to family than it is to friends or even strangers on the internet?
My awesome steak last night (see above) tasted like "taco meat" according to Boyfriend. I was pretty proud at how it came out, in terms of cooking, though the marinade definitely needs work. I think I used too much balsamic vinegar and not enough salt and pepper. I might try making it again on Thursday, since that's my next night for making dinner and I have two more bags of steak in the freezer.
I ate something yesterday that did not agree with my stomach, but fortunately didn't vomit. I think it may have been the coconut milk kefir I got, as it made my stomach a bit rumbly this morning too. Then again, I didn't eat anything else this morning. Who knows, I'm not in the mood to figure it out. Or anything else.
Did not sleep well again last night. Probably fell asleep around 1 AM, wrote the blog post because I couldn't fall asleep. My head wasn't keeping me up this time, I was just physically uncomfortable.
Oh just realized why I'm frustrated now: I feel like my feelings are being invalidated (and THAT is the kind of lack of support I get from my family). It's kind of a "yeah but" sense I'm getting. I worry about coming across as a typical frustrated young adult (I suppose at 23, I still fit into the YA category?) online and this discussion has made me feel a bit like "everyone is against me", which is a very stereotypical young rebel kind of sentiment. I don't want to be treated like a dunce because I am younger and have less life experience. Being open about my feelings should not make me seem like a weakling, but that is an issue with society as a whole, not just for me in particular. Maybe I take too much to heart, but understanding how I feel about how others act towards me will help me act towards others in a way that feels most comfortable and appropriate.
Well I didn't mean to offend you or minimize your feelings at all, so if that's how you took it, I apologize. I've enjoyed reading your journal for a while, and I was just trying to help.
No need to apologize, I appreciate all input. It is possible I am just an extra sensitive flower today due to two nights in a row of poor sleep (~3 hrs two nights ago, 5-6 last night). Regardless, I am allowing myself the time and space to analyze my feelings to see if there is something that can be learned from the analysis. With my new therapist's help, I feel like I am much better equipped to determine what I need from relationships and for myself (to grow and improve, to be healthy). I find it interesting and it helps me to separate myself a little from the negative thoughts.
Hmm...maybe a little coffee today. My building has had the AC on since March and I'm very cold
I just want to say that I think your feelings are justified even if I don't entirely understand why you're this upset about it from a personal standpoint. My parents didn't say much when I got my tattoos and now it doesn't seem to bother them at all when I get a new one. I can see your dad's point of view based on the perspective the PP drew out.
it is a large tattoo, but it has meaning, legitimate meaning, so it's not tasteless or tacky. I wonder if, in part, your dad is upset that you spent money on a tattoo when you're worried about how you'll make the rent in July?? I know you mentioned that the tattoo was already in the works when the money problems arose, but maybe he doesn't recall that? I don't know. Just trying some different angles.
I hope your day gets better.
Primal since March 5, 2012
SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)
I don't think my parents are very aware of my financial situation. I have not talked to them about it, mostly since there is nothing that they can do. I don't think they're struggling, but they certainly can't spare any money to help us out. I have felt some guilt about spending money on the tattoo when things are so tight, but yeah, it was already in the works when things got really bad (we knew Boyfriend would need to get a job, but hadn't really imagined what it would be like). It was also an emotional investment, in part, for me, and maybe that is part of the reason why I feel upset over someone so negative about it. It's not just "this thing that I did", but a part of me that I am putting on display with the rest of the world. I don't really blame my dad's friend for that, he has obviously not thought about the meaning behind tattoos very much.
These are all things that I think might be helpful in explaining to my dad why I was so upset. Thanks for helping me think it out, everyone. I realize that I do not have to explain myself to random folks on the internet (however helpful they may be) despite my inclination to do so. What's most important is that I understand why I am feeling the way I am feeling and can use that to strengthen my relationship with my dad. I just really don't want to cry when I talk to him! I think I need to take some time to make a list about my feelings with the situation and figure out what is most important for me to convey to him.
Sometimes I get really wrapped up in dreams and coming back to reality is harsh. I had some really wonderful ideas for continuing my tattoo into a sleeve, but I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT invest in something so expensive again this year. What money I can save must be saved until I am sure the money is unneeded, then I can put it into loans, or saved for longer until we have a decent surplus. It may be some time until things are stable enough that I can even consider covering my first tattoo, which would be a much cheaper option. These are all good things, though, because it means I will spend more time considering the concept and design to make sure I am 100% in love with it. I once told myself I should spend at least 3 years considering a tattoo design before I get one and that's worked out well at least once
Today's dream-shattering moment brought to you by a concert that Boyfriend and I really want to go to at the end of the month. On the one hand, $20/ea isn't awful, we can take public transit to and from the concert, and we know we'll have a great time. On the other hand, that's $40 that would otherwise be saved. I'll talk to Boyfriend about it. It might be really good for his depression to go to this concert (he loves this band)... He is going in for a second interview with Home Depot today. He said if they say it's for the sales associate position, he'll thank them and tell them to fuck off. I reminded him that he really needs a job and he can always keep looking and quit this one later on. He begrudgingly agreed so I REALLY hope he takes this.
Marriage is on my mind lately. The date that Boyfriend told me to remember (June 22nd) is coming up and I don't know if he's going to propose. I'm fairly certain he has not had the funds for a ring unless he omitted that from our financial discussions (and it's already been purchased). Frankly, I don't care if I have a ring or not (I have my mom's engagement ring if I wanted to wear one), I just want Boyfriend to become FiancÚ (which I knew how to make that symbol other than copying and pasting from another site). Oh crap, that means I have less than 3 weeks till my birthday and I need to take progress photos. Guess I should bust out the kettlebell again today =P
AND CUT THE FUCKING SUGAR. I had more chocolate than I should have last night, but it was 85% dark with chili and it was REALLY tasty.