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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 112

  1. #1111
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    Hrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh

    I'm a zombie today.

    No, not really.

    I'M FUCKING EXHAUSTED.

    I got plenty of sleep this weekend, but it turned out to be too much, so I could not fall asleep last night. I think I got about 3 hours total, spread about at various points in the night/early morning. Hard to tell when you're good at zoning out. I woke up so tired that I practically fell onto Boyfriend in tears, kind of freaked him out because he suggested I do a half day and make up the hours throughout the week. So tempting, but I am going to tough it out because I hate the idea of a 9 hr day. Well, 9.5, for lunch. Anyway, I could not shut off my brain last night, but could not focus well enough to read, so I basically could not do anything but lie there.

    I need to get more Zyrtec. The histamine pills I got are okay-ish, but I keep waking up with my mouth hanging open and feeling pretty congested. Not good enough. The raw local honey definitely helps also, but still not enough. And that doesn't help with grass, which I found out is what those fluffy seeds were from.

    I'm waiting for my big-ass thunderstorm, where is it? Supposed to happen over the next couple of days. I want some thunder and lighting, baby! I hope it rains tonight because it will definitely help me sleep. I have our air filter (which still desperately needs a new filter) running and the white noise usually helps, but not last night.

    I have a blog post planned, but need to hunt down an old photo on my external hard drive to make it happen. I think it's from 2005. It was printed on the high school's literary magazine, but I don't know where my copy of that publication is anymore.

    I feel guilty for
    -not having finished editing wedding photos and sent them to my aunt
    -not writing a blog post Friday or Monday (and why seriously why would I feel guilty for this? I don't have a regular readership anyway)
    -feeling angry at Boyfriend for his nocturnal schedule (I think it's okay to be angry about it, but the guilt makes no sense)
    -eating ice cream (as well I should! I got a few pimples as a result)

    No response from my dad yet, s'possible he hasn't seen it yet. Wondering now if I got his email address right.

    And if you're wondering, dawn & white vinegar make a GREAT scum-busting cleaning solution, but your bathroom will smell like vinegar all day (blegh).
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  2. #1112
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    Dude, seriously? Not even from my fucking journal! GTFO, spammer.
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  3. #1113
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    My dad emailed me back. I am struggling to find the correct words that describe how I feel about it (thank you, therapist, for getting me to specify what kind of "funny" or how something is "strange"). I am confused by it. It almost seems like a canned response. Maybe he is also confused. I have to remind myself that just because he is a parent does not mean he has all the answers.

    I appreciate your bringing this to my attention and I applaud your courage for find a way to do so. I welcome the opportunity to clear the air on this issue and any other that would drive a wedge between us. I think we can talk this out and improve our relationship.
    I am also frustrated by this response because it still leaves things hanging. I wanted him to say something like this, but also, "Let's talk about this. Insert time and place." Something definitive to keep the ball rolling, but instead the ball is rolling around in circles with a big question mark over it. This email is a great example of how my family fails at communicating, but at least I know that *I* have an idea of what I want/need, which is most important. This reminds me of why I love Boyfriend, because he is definitive.

    I guess if I'm going to do this, that means I get to be the planner. So I guess I should schedule a project (I have a small table & bookcase I want to sand/paint/stain) & coffee date with him this weekend so we can work and chat to make it less upsetting, perhaps.

    There was an moment the other day at Boyfriend's family's house (at which I struggled very hard not to eat pizza after declining it) when this event came up in conversation with Boyfriend's sister. I told her what had happened, about being called "defaced" and my dad not standing up for me, and her response (kind of shock and horror, as well as support) made me feel uncomfortable. It is nice to know that his family has my back, but hurts to be reminded that family does not, or at least not in the way I am looking for.
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  4. #1114
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    I'm glad you emailed your dad and while he made no effort to set a date to talk about it, he at least acknowledged the problem. Maybe he just means "talk the next time we see each other" instead of wanting to set a schedule. I think he was also shocked by the email you sent him. He probably didn't see it coming. But at least now the problem is in the air... it's just up to one of you to grab it to be tackled. Good luck!
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  5. #1115
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    I think it's a clever thing to plan a "project date" with your dad to talk about the issue. This might make it easier for him to talk about it. Good luck!
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  6. #1116
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    I can see what you mean about your dad's response - it almost has the sound of a company form letter to it. It also occurs to me that much of what you seem to be experiencing may have some generational bias combined in it. While I'm not into tatoos, I'm not really against them, but must admit that I really don't want my kids to get one either. I hope that open, honest communication with your dad will only strengthen your relationship, even if the outcome is not all that you hope for (or you may find that it is more than your though possible). Either way, be proud that you are learning to stand up for yourself.

  7. #1117
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    My grandma was against my tattoos. Asked me why I would want to desacrate (sp??) my body like that...
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  8. #1118
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenn26point2 View Post
    My grandma was against my tattoos. Asked me why I would want to desacrate (sp??) my body like that...
    Desecration reminds me of temples and I was once told, "If your body is a temple, wouldn't it be nice to decorate the walls?"

  9. #1119
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    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    Desecration reminds me of temples and I was once told, "If your body is a temple, wouldn't it be nice to decorate the walls?"
    All the temples I've ever been in were replete with decoration.
    Thus, decoration must be good in the sight of 'god'... or why would they bother with all the beautiful design and adornment.
    YMMV of course.
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  10. #1120
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    But if your friend insulted your child, I doubt y'all would stand there and AGREE regardless of your personal feelings.

    Or at least, that's what I wish hadn't happened.
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