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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 109

  1. #1081
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    namelesswonder is offline Moderator
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    I decided not to go. My sister was understanding (Boyfriend commented that that was very unexpected coming from her, I laughed) about it. I'm going to let her know when I get home so she can pick up my ticket and take someone with her. I feel better knowing that my evening will be securely moping at home, eating food I know I'll like, maybe playing some Diablo III before I go to bed, but I still feel fucking awful.
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  2. #1082
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    I hate it when illness hits during a one-time awesome event. Not cool. Hope you feel better soon. But not so soon you have to go to work tomorrow?
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

  3. #1083
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    Sorry you feel so poorly. I hope it passes soon.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
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  4. #1084
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    I feel a bit better but decided to take the day off to try to sort out what's going on. I am going to make myself log in from home for a little while as there are a lot of things going on at work and that way I can log a few hours and use less PTO. I want to get paid, dammit!

    Part of me wonders if this is allergies. I ran out of Zyrtec a couple weeks ago though. Maybe it's just sleep deprivation. I took a lot of 5-HTP last night, 200mg I think, spread out into two doses. I wanted to make sure I slept. It didn't hit me as hard as it used to so I think I may need a higher dose right now. I started around 150 or 200mg last fall, and then 100 was enough, then 50, so it's an odd jump. This really makes me want to try something new because the only thing I'm sure it affects is my sleep and I could try melatonin for that.

    The trouble with feeling sick is I don't feel like preparing food! I'm going to have my raw honey with the rest of the greek yogurt in a bit, but I am so tempted to order sushi tonight. I don't want to use up my increased income on the first month
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  5. #1085
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    Feel better today?

  6. #1086
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    I hear you about the cooking thing. Do you have any stock around? If you can make yourself get it started, a "let's see what's in the fridge" soup might be good for you- whatever the ailment is. Glad you're a bit better today, though.
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

  7. #1087
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    I felt a lot better last night after a nice big dinner of potatoes (kind of fail oven fries, I think they were too wet and/or crowded), mixed veg, and a huge pork chop. I think the sick feeling was my body's very odd response to me not eating enough >< I have lunch today, never fear! It's so easy for me to fall into this pattern of "I can fast! I'm Primal!" and then just not eat enough. I mean, 1100-1200 calories a day, at a guess, for a week, on average, is not going to do good things for this little body. Well, I don't think it's good for anyone, but regardless. I am feeling almost back to normal today. Slightly frazzled because I could not sleep last night (probably fell asleep around midnight, probably too much screen time on top of some female-related discomfort). I am giving up on 5-HTP for now because it did nothing for me last night, yet again. I am wondering if the L-Glutamine prevents me from absorbing it now. Which is good, I guess, for my gut, but means I need to find something else to help with the depression and stress management. For now, I'm back to taking L-Tyrosine and we'll see how I fair on that. If my depression is mostly stemming from my anxiety, I may only need the Tyrosine, but I might need something else to help me sleep.

    Today, my head feels a bit off still, like it's fuzzy. I wonder if it's just allergies. I forgot to have my spoonful of honey. Ew, and I forgot to brush my teeth, but I have a toothbrush and paste in my backpack, hooray!

    I have this little bit of fat or something just below my belly button that I think many people have. It comes and goes day to day. It was bigger last week (but I was also bloated overall), and barely there today. I think it's kind of cute, oddly enough. I'm almost ready for my follow-up photos to show off my 15 lbs lost since last year and the muscle definition I'm gaining. I love the progress in my shoulders especially. I feel that this is a reasonable excuse to spend a little money on myself and buy a new bathing suit. Target and Old Navy are my vices, hopefully I won't buy anything else. Maybe next month, as a birthday present to myself, I will buy a dress.

    Budget thoughts: Buying small/cheap items for myself from time to time (once a month) is how I got kept the spending habits at bay in college, only I had so much more expendable income then, I tended to slide in multiple purchases instead of just one kombucha every weekend (probably not this weekend though) and a clothing item from time to time. I have a better sense of the importance of where my money is going now so I think it will be easier to limit myself. I consolidated a few $tarbucks gift cards a couple of months ago and was pleasantly surprised this past weekend when my balance was $22. I thought it was half that and that I was about to use it up (paying for 3 drinks)! It's nice to know that I can treat myself on occasion without spending any money.

    Family situation: So back to Easter, my dad's friend said I was "defaced" when he saw my tattoo and my dad said, "That's what I said" (and that's not what he said). I was so surprised that I just laughed and walked away. Later, telling Boyfriend, I realized how much it bothered me and worked out that it was because he'd essentially let his friend insult me and then backed up his friend instead of his own daughter. My mom has apparently talked to my dad about it, but I don't know what she said or how he responded. I've made an opportunity to talk to him tomorrow, by asking if he'll help sand down a book case I got for free (it's a hideous shade of green, I want to strip it or smooth it out so I can paint it something else). I don't really know how to approach the situation. I talked about this at therapy this morning and only gained a better understanding of my confusion, but nothing about how to deal with it. I feel like if it's not discussed tomorrow, it won't ever be, and I don't think it would be healthy for me to have that hanging over me. What I want is for my dad to acknowledge that he knows what he said/did was wrong. I feel inclined to tell him how it hurt, but also feel like I shouldn't have to, that this is something he should know already. I do realize that sometimes it's not that obvious, especially when it comes to my family. I guess I'm preparing myself for tears, and I hate that feeling.

    Brain shizz: In therapy, I keep wondering if my feelings are appropriate. Today I realized that it really doesn't matter what other people do/think, but how I perceive things, to determine how I will act in a given situation. The question is not "Is this okay?" but "Is this okay for me?". It's somewhat shocking to realize that I don't give precedence to my own thoughts and feelings, much of the time. I wonder sometimes how I might be different if I hadn't been so depressed in my teens, coming out of those years with such low self-worth. I still struggle to accept that I am well and truly worth the effort for some things. It is interesting hearing Boyfriend's opinion of my family situations, as I've built up callouses to the hurts they've given me. Now I need to decide if these issues are things I feel are worth tackling and that they will be beneficial to me, or if I'm willing to let them go and just accept my family as they are. I don't want to change them, I know I can't really, but I think there are adjustments that could be made to make my life a bit easier.

    Weekend plans: Clean up the bookcase in some way or another, have an awesome time at our party Saturday night (we made Jolly Rancher vodka, it looks awesome), go shopping with my sister Sunday morning and generally enjoy myself.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  8. #1088
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    Wow, you should do what my family does and suppress all those feelings! Just kidding.
    Your dad probably doesn't know that he hurt your feelings and if he does then he probably doesn't know how to fix the problem, making it just all the more awkward for him, and consequently, you as well. Don't overestimate men's awareness of feelings. I hope it works out this weekend though!

  9. #1089
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    The suppression is totally my family. Things get swept under the rugs left and right. I feel very unequipped to figuring out how to handle conflict now "as an adult" and that can be very difficult for Boyfriend and me. He has his own bag of tricks when it comes to conflict resolution so I mostly try to read off of him to figure out what to do, but that doesn't really help when we have an argument and he is just mad haha. At least we can laugh about it later when I tried to emulate him and did not realize it wasn't a technique.
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  10. #1090
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    Maybe you can simply let your Dad know that when he said that to his friend, that he was showing you that his friend is more important to him than you are. Leave it at that. Just because he is your parent does not mean that he has the answers or ability to deal with things any better than you do. If he's open to discussion then maybe you guys can make some progress - if not then you know that you stood you ground and let him know how you feel. Working on a project together is an awesome way to keep your realationship open even when some other parts about it are stressed. Sometimes, we expect things (maturity, approval, etc) from others that they simply don't possess and it is like asking for the keys to the Porsche that they don't have. Sending calm and confident vibes your way!

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