My second therapy appointment was this morning. I really don't like ending a session on a sad note, but I was on a roll. My throat gets very sore when I talk near-tears for a good 50 minutes or so =\ I talked a bit about my frustrations with wanting to help Boyfriend more, even though I think I'm doing about as much as I can for him. I talked about the success that was last weekend and how good it felt to have people praise my skill in photography. I talked about my worries over my brother and that he's not getting all of the guidance and tutoring he needs to just function in day to day life (food, skills like tying his shoes, interacting with strangers, personal boundaries). I feel a bit pathetic for continually going back to how inadequate a job I feel my parents did rearing me, but I don't really blame them. I don't want them to apologize for messing up. What I wanted when I was a teen was them to just acknowledge how I felt and not disregard it by trying to make up reasons for everything. Now, I'm not sure. I want to just let it go, but I guess I'm not ready to.
Today, I am cleaning a virus from a computer. It's pretty much my favorite tech thing to do, though I'm at the boring part now, during which Malwarebytes runs and removes the infection after I've disabled it and reversed the damage. I am also fasting through the day as I was not feeling up to making lunch this morning despite working from home. I had a fairly large breakfast of 3 eggs and a bowl of Greek yogurt with local honey that should hold me over just fine. Unfortunately there are another three and a half hours till the end of my day!
Tonight we are having a "cat warming party". Our mutual friend is coming over, and Boyfriend and the friend are notorious for their cooking experiments so dinner is completely up in the air. We'll need to get groceries so I will probably have a potato when I get home to tide me over. I hope the friend will pitch in, but he's also notoriously broke. Tomorrow I will go to Whole Foods early to get some cat-related gifts for my tattoo artist's cat, and a kombucha for after. I am absolutely thrilled that I will be able to see it finished by tomorrow evening! I will also need to sew a black t-shirt of some kind (probably resizing a fairly large one I have) to wear for the photograph.
Last night, I did not vacuum the apartment, but we did cuddle and watch some TV/a terrible movie (Morgan Freeman and Antonio Banderas as jewel thieves). I finished a book and stayed up a bit too late reading it, but I think having the time to mill around and eat a good breakfast this morning helped me feel a bit more energetic. Plus the infected laptop. I'm craving coffee with cream, but am nervous about having it more than a couple of times a week. No matter what, I don't want to deal with an addiction on top of the rest of myself.
Current supplement regimen
Morning: Candex, 8,000 IU of Vitamin D, 4,500 mg L-Glutamine with water, before food.
Evening: 4,500 mg L-Glutamine in water before dinner/any food, 50 mg of 5-HTP anytime before bed. Sometimes I take more if I am having trouble falling asleep.
As needed: GABA Calm for extreme anxiety moments (like about to burst into tears at work).
I'm very happy to see my supplements finally changing up. I'm stopping Magnesium for now because I ran out. I'm still not sleeping solidly, but I think next week will be better once I've recovered a bit from the stress I was feeling this week. I'm still not sure if I'm at a suitable dose from 5-HTP or how to tell if I'm taking too much. I will try out St. John's Wort next month, perhaps.