Because I think this forum could use a good collective chuckle:
The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. .
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Postís Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this yearís winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesnít get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and itís like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n..): The frantic dance performed just after youíve accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit youíre eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person whoís both stupid and an asshole.
HAHA these neologisms are hilarious. I was packing up some old books of mine this weekend and I ran across Sniglets by Richard Hall from HBO's Not Necessarily the News. Anyone remember those?
Oh I loved Sniglets! Ah memories of the 80s.
OMG, these are great. I'm totally stealing them and posting them to Facebook. One by one.
I'm making these into a PDF file
if you like that sort of thing, it's worth trying to find 'I'm sorry, I havent a clue' on the BBC radio site... they've been doing something similar for years, where they think up alternative definitions for real words... some quotes from wikipedia:
avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
buccaneer: too much to pay for corn
dandelion: A fashionably dressed big cat
decadent: Possessing only ten teeth.
devastation: Where people wait for buses.
dilate: live long
fortunate: Consumption of an expensive meal.
impolite: A flaming elf.
indistinct: where one places dirty dishes
information: how geese fly
innuendoes: Italian suppositories.
isolate: Me not on time.
legend: A foot. (
oboe: An English tramp.
paradox: Two doctors. or where one ties two boats.
pasteurize: Too far to see.
protein: In favor of youth.
propaganda: A gentlemanly goose.
relief: What trees do in Spring.
(if you do try and find the show, a lot of it is long-running gags which might not make any sense at all.... )