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Thread: Wife getting jealous and trying to sabotage nutrition and fitness rebirth ?

  1. #1
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    May 2010
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    Wife getting jealous and trying to sabotage nutrition and fitness rebirth ?

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    My friend, in his mid 40s, has taken to fitness and nutrition like a man possessed.

    He does Crossfit several times a week.

    He has reinvented his entire diet in a Paleo style, and exhibits hardcore discipline and willpower.
    (He adds milk to his coffee, and that's his only violation)

    Needless to say, he has ramped up his fitness ability and reduced his body fat significantly.
    He looks and feels great, and this is a significant aspect of his new life.

    It is a success story that is only under a year old, but seems to be a "lifelong lifestyle" change.
    This is not just some passing bridal bootcamp phase. This is the real deal.

    His wife seems to be pushing back on his efforts.

    She complains when he takes him to go to the gym.
    This I can understand b/c she's with the kids.

    However, she even gives his grief (eye rolling) when he orders Paleo modifications at a restaurant.
    What gives? This is no skin off her back, as she's not the one cooking it.
    At home, he often prepares his own Paelo meal, so it's not a hassle for her, yet there's pushback.

    What is this about? Anyone ever experience a jealous spouse? Is this common?
    What is the underlying motivation to impede your husband's amazing progress?

    Is she threatened that he may leave her?

    That he may have higher expectations for her?
    (Wow, see how easy it is to lose weight? I did it. What's been taking you so long? I think you're full of shit and simply not trying hard enough)

  2. #2
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    Nov 2009
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    Chicago, IL
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    I've lost 35 pounds since the psycho lady living with me left in December. It was a damn hostile situation when it came to food. Me eating non-paleo to appease her and her thinking I'm a piece of crap for not sticking to my convictions. I'm so happy it didn't work out. It was always a great argument, the skinny fat girl who takes more pills than I've seen in my life for this affliction and that is telling the guy who's already lost around 40 pounds that he doesn't know what he's doing.

    I'm 74 pounds down now, she can suck it.

    Yes I'm bitter. I hope things work out for your friend.

    I will tell you yes, if the communication isn't happening that she may feel threatened by it. People change when they get fit, attitude, everything.

  3. #3
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    Jun 2011
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    This is very very very common for women when they lose weight so I can't see why wouldn't be for men. Yes, she probably is nervous he will leave her. Hopefully he isn't pulling the looking down on her carp that the post ended with. Also, are her things getting the space in time and money that his is? If he's standing on her to pull himself up (and then blaming her for being stood on, see aforementioned carp), she should be resentful. They need to talk.
    In God we trust; all others must bring data. W. Edwards Deming
    Blogging at http://loafingcactus.com

  4. #4
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    Mar 2011
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    Quote Originally Posted by loafingcactus View Post
    This is very very very common for women when they lose weight so I can't see why wouldn't be for men. Yes, she probably is nervous he will leave her. Hopefully he isn't pulling the looking down on her carp that the post ended with. Also, are her things getting the space in time and money that his is? If he's standing on her to pull himself up (and then blaming her for being stood on, see aforementioned carp), she should be resentful. They need to talk.
    Yeah ditto that.
    I really hope he's not trying to pressure her to get more fit.
    If she's not exactly in the best shape, she could feel very self conscious that he could leave her. If he depended on her before for making all of his meals, and now he's doing everything for himself, maybe she sees that along with the crossfit trips as a way of him distancing himself from her.
    There's really not enough information here to say what is going on one way or another.

    I'm sure there's a lot more going on here than just what your friend is telling you.

    I hope your friend and his wife/family will start to open up with eachother more.

  5. #5
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    Aug 2010
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    If he has kids, is he getting some of his exercise by taking them all to the park for some good primal play?

  6. #6
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    Does he regularly watch his kids so she can get some gym time (or whatever she'd like to be doing for herself?). Maybe she's too burnt out to care much about something that's only making her life harder (even if it's only harder in that she has to hear about it incessantly from someone so "hardcore").

    Does your friend eat WITH his family, even though he's preparing his own meals? Sitting down and sharing a table and conversation is so important to family relationships and has the added benefit that he would be able to model good eating habits to his wife and children. If he's fixing a plate for himself, eating alone and then running off to the gym, I can see why she would have very little enthusiasm. Sounds frickin' depressing to me.

  7. #7
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    Jan 2011
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    Pasadena,CA
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    My wife made fun of my primal diet when I started in January. I do all the cooking so I made my stuff and still made the family their pasta, potatoes, rice etc. She called my WOE the "Ponzi diet" and did not think it was a good thing. Since Jan. after dropping almost 30 lbs. ( 50 yr. old male, 5'10" , 175 now) she is eating what I eat and embracing the primal lifestyle. She wants to know more and is asking lots of questions.

  8. #8
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    Jan 2010
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    I think that a lot of the time a partner just likes giving the other person flak. His health and fitness and what he is doing is important to him, but not so much to her. Your friend just needs to follow his own vision and ask her to stop complaining when she does that or just make a joke out of it. What he should not do though is let her know that her complaining or eye rolling effects him because she'll keep doing it. When you reward negative behavior in others they keep doing the behavior. If she's a stand up person she'll respect him more anyway if he stands up for himself and (pardon the phrase) acts like a man about it. If she doesn't have the self confidence as a person to want to see her partner be healthy and still needs to pull him down then maybe she might be someone he just shouldn't be with in the first place. Some people are just very negative.

    Hopefully you aren't your friend.

  9. #9
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    Apr 2011
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    Dallas Tx
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    I started back in late January and have now lost around 108 pounds. Up until a few weeks ago I did not have a lot of support from my wife but as I am basically a walking billboard for Primal eating and have gotten so many people interested and involved she finally couldn't deny my health and happiness. She went Primal 2 weeks ago and has lost 6 pounds. She says she feels great and has lots of energy even while breastfeeding our youngest and taking care of our 4 year old and 2 year old all day. She even quit taking the mild anti depresion pill the doctors put her on after a family tragedy on her side and she says she cant ever remember feeling better.

    It is hard when you dont have support. Just walk the talk and eventually (hopefully) those that care about you and more importantly care about their own health will come around.

  10. #10
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    Aug 2010
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    Central MA
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    For my wife she gets annoyed with the fact that "I always have to be different." She wants me to blend in with the norm and hates it when I do anything out of the ordinary. So when we are out to eat and I don't eat bread like everyone else she feels uncomfortable...like people are judging her because her "freaky" husband won't eat perfectly healthy bread. When her family/friends ask me about primal eating/lifestyle she gets annoyed because she assumes they secretly think I'm a complete odd-ball...even though they ask me about it and are genuinely interested.

    Yet, my wife has slowly been adopting more and more of my primal habits. She has been cutting way back on her intake of grains and eating more fat/protein. She is hooked on eating eggs and bacon (cooked in coconut oil) for breakfast every morning. When she gives me a hard time I refuse to let it bother me. I just give her a cocky smile and say "You know you love it!" and she generally backs off.

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