I have been lurking for a very long time and it seems that a journey here is the best way to document the rollercoaster that is my health and maybe shame me into doing better.
I am mid 30s and overweight. Well, technically obese.
187 lb size 14 (US)
I am all or nothing. I can go 100% primal for months - to the extent of being at a special restaurant and ignoring the hand cut chips. Food wise that is: being overweight makes exercise hard - hard to do and hard because you feel self conscious, not an excuse, just reality.
But when I fall off, I fall off spectacularly. I use alcohol too much to cope with stress. As in, can drink a bottle and a half of wine every night for weeks on end. And because I promise myself I will get back on track severely just around the corner (usually 'next Monday'), I will couple that with eating as much crap as I want. That can also go on for months. All or nothing. Yay, me.
Anyway, I disgust myself because I think my life is on track in so many ways, if only I wasn't overweight. I would love to spend summer weekends outdoors and at the beach, instead of locked up with books or movies. I want to be outdoors doing things. I want to hav easy chilled holidays. I want to wear nice things. I don't want to think people are judging me because of my weight - that i am a 'lesser' person. Vicious cycle like most things - love to be normal weight to tsya normal weight. I would love to have someone special in my life. Weight is a factor in that. I know it shouldn't be, but it is. Maybe sadness and loneliness and disappointment from myself, adds to the self hatred and self sabotaging behaviour.
Anyway, so I have being lurking this community for over a year and feel I trust you guys even if I haven't engaged before.
Well, in usual style, end of financial year around the corner, so I will start again on 1 July. Get on track. Yes, I will binge and drink myself silly for the rest of the week, but I will record what I hope to achieve, presents to myself for various goals, reminders of why this is so important - something I can look back on when I struggle. I sure wish I had a record of how good I felt other periods when I was primal and moving in the right direction.
So anyway, this is my record and I hope it helps. God, I hope it works this time.