I can't wait another week and a half. No, I mean really. I'm not going to wait. I've started edging towards primal by cutting out gluten grains and not replacing them with gluten-free crap products. These past couple weeks I've been reducing my sugar intake too, even fruit. For the past 4 days, I let up on the sugar ban because I finally got meds for my stomach and wanted to celebrate.
But I can't do it anymore. The carby, anti-digestive grains. The sugar. I feel *awful*. After eating a larger-than-usual daily dose of carbs, I feel mentally slow, physically klutzy (more so than usual), and fat. Bloated-fat, but also just fat-fat. And tonight, I tried to eat peanut butter. And 62% chocolate. Sort of as a farewell to my few days off of avoiding sugar and being a general nutritional slob. Took one bite of the chocolate, thought it was gross. Took one more bite with the peanut butter, still thought it was gross, threw the rest of the bar out. Got a little further with the peanut butter (6 big spoonfuls-- ok, so the past 4 days were touched with overeating.) Started to get a sugar headache and upset stomach immediately. Threw the rest of the jar out. MDA really helps with my willpower; the more I read up about what's REALLY going on in my body when I eat things like that, the more the disgust regulates my desire to eat toxic foods.
So here's my plan of attack, since I'm working with limited food choice freedom here. Tomorrow, I'm getting a week's supply of avocados and eggs. Since my host mom isn't here week mornings, I can condense breakfast & lunch together and replace it with that. And starting this minute (not tomorrow, not in a week-- that just encourages last binges), I'm making all the food that goes into my mouth that isn't put in front of me by my host mom primal.
I'm considering nuts to be used as ingredients and avoiding fruit too, since I have no control with either.
Guess this is my declaration, not of intent, but of beginning. Right. Now.
This journal will help more than I thought, I have a feeling. I can't write things like this in my personal journal, because it helps trigger the restrict-guilt-cheat-binge cycle of disordered eating. But I need to write it down somewhere, and this site seems a pretty damn supportive place to put it.