Sugar, sugar, EVERYWHERE!!!! Kymma's recommitment journal page

[Kymma]

Hello all,

I am going to use this journal to discuss everything that is primal and health related for a bit.

I am a 36 yo female, 5'10", 232lbs, over 30% BF.

I am married with no kids, and both my husband and I are fat. He probably weighs 75-100 more than he should and I weigh 70+ more than I should. He is not interested in primal, but I cannot let that derail me. I have put on 75 pounds in the 6 years we have been together and I am not interested in being fat and unhealthy and all of the excuses and limitations that it brings.

I did the Whole 30 for my birthday (March 23 - April 23) and lost 13 pounds and was feeling great and very happy and hopeful.

I remained primal until May 9th on a business trip where I had some sugar and then on another trip over this weekend I ate grains as an experiment. I have gained back 3 or so lbs and I am not feeling great. The grains made me feel gassy and bloated. And YET I ate rolls with my dinner last night.

Today is a new day! No more grains, no sugar (THIS is hard, sugar is EVERYWHERE!, but I will become a food detective and find it out, but I will allow a dark chocolate bar once in awhile), and limited dairy (still trying to decide how much to limit this). I am working on becoming comfortable with lifting heavy things, continue my couch25k training, walking, and other fun forms of movement (dancing, Zumba, etc.)

Quick recap: No Grains, No Sugar, Limited Dairy
Keep moving! Lift heavy things!

I want to take off the 75 pounds as soon as possible of course, but know that it will take time. I would like to be at 190 (-42) by mid-October, which is 2 lbs a week. My company's fall conference is that week and I refuse to buy another plus size dress for our formal event.


I have IF'ed for breakfast. Unfortunately I am not prepared for lunch so will be having a grilled chicken plain salad from Subway.

I hope to gain new insights into myself and my health by making health my hobby AND my priority. I want to be strong!

[geostump]

One thing I'm going to tell you is that you may find that fat drops off easily in the beginning but it does become a bit of a struggle to see pounds drop off as you go. One thing I'm going to suggest is that you toss the scale out. Go by how your clothes fit and take measurements. Also don't beat yourself up so much for eating the grains. Yeah, they're evil but its no the end of the world. I've had to do everything I've mentioned and I'm doing better with PB since.

[Kymma]

Oh yeah, I plan to only weigh every 2-6 weeks. It isn't worth it to judge myself by a number on the scale. And to be honest, if I could fit in smaller clothes I wouldn't care if it said 2,000 lbs.

It's weird because I didn't really beat myself up over grains. I actually thought about it like this:

Wow, I feel bloated. And to be honest, the taste was good, but not great. I'd rather feel great than eat grains and sweets. I need to readjust. So what am I going to do? Recommit to feeling great!

^That self talk is a HUGE difference than prior to the whole 30. It was just an observer noticing facts and making decisions based on facts. I felt empowered! Not trapped, addicted, judgmental, etc. This line of thought is why I love eating primally, my body feels better, but more so than that, it is my how my mind feels. FREE! Free from beating myself up, free from major cravings that lead to binging, judging, and beating myself up in a horrible cycle of misery. I think primal = free and fun. I mean I look forward to moving for it's own sake, because it makes me strong and fit. I love this new person I am becoming. I am nto going back to the old person.

P.S. I have been doing some work on these issues in therapy as well, but did not make any headway until the Whole 30. I talk about it in my blog (link below).

[Kymma]

Well, I must be honest, apparently i had some rebellious stuff to work through in regards to my goal of going back to primal eating. It's been a strange few days, back to being a slave to my cravings, I guess the addictiveness of carbs got me again. Hello, my name is Kym and I am a sugar addict.

I WANT to be healthy. I want to do what is best for my body. Today I promise to be in control of the out of control parts of me. Today I will control my food intake. Today I will make some foods that will help me eat right when I want chips, chocolate, and junk food.

As an observer of the process, I know that I must now be very careful of letting slips in close to my cycle. I must also be prepared and be willing to prepare when I am tired, busy, insert reason HERE.

Luckily, today's craving is an omelet. Tonight, I will go to the store so that I can cook and make healthy snacks and a great dinner.

I love myself. I want good things for myself. I want to remove things from my life that make it less than enjoyable.

The most amazing thing about this time in my life is that I am NOT beating myself up to the level i would have in the past. I just keep thinking, observing and adjusting to do what is best for me. For that I am grateful.

[Kymma]

Well, it has been a struggle the last couple of weeks. Some days were completely primal, some I had sugar, a time or two I had a little bit of grains (tortilla chips, a bite of bread) and the holiday weekend has been a grain, sugar and dairy overload. But I'm glad. I'm glad I did it, because a bit of grains doesn't have a strong effect. But 2 days of grains does the rick. I am unwell this morning. Good reminder.

I also noticed how off track I've been getting. So I have decided to do a 2nd, slightly modified Whole30. 30 days of no processed foods, no grains, no sugar, no legumes, or white potatoes. I am going to allow butter and some cheese, and I ay have a wine or two, but I don't' drink much, so don't know if this will even happen.

Some may ask, why not do the whole30 completely? And the answer is I have a different goal this time. I know that butter and cheese don't effect me negatively in small amounts. A little bit of butter and/or cheese can really make a meal satisfying and I am not interested in any feelings of deprivation with this 30 day goal. I just want to get further off grains and further off sugar. Therein lies my greatest freedom from food issues.

I have a new goal. I am going to be strong. I am saving my money to go to a Crossfit gym. I am doing some weights leading up to that, but I need coaching to help with this part of my goal. I am psyched. One day I too will do pull ups among other things. I have always wanted to be fit. I never understood that being fit was being strong. So now I want to be fit and strong. So I am seeking that new goal.

Life and changing the way you live it is a process. Sometimes I will slip, sometimes I will fall. However, I will get back up every time. One day I'll pull myself up!