Spent most of saturday painting my new office and refurbing the desk in there. how can it take 5 hours to pain an 11x11 room and restain a desk sheesh.
I also let my industrial ozone machine run in my office and the adjoining offices that whole time. then lit sage and rosemary in mine.
the office should be livable now. and no one was there so no one can truly know it happened.
FTR i am 341.4 again YAY me
I keep hoping to say with certainty that i have crossed a threshold. While is feels right to say it i cannot yet commit, however... 339.8 this morning certainly suggest that it is possible that my body has decided to reduce on its own.
Half-assed Primal on and off for a couple years. Started back in earnest in January 2012.
Leptin Reset started 2/29/12
5'11" - Female - 32 Y/O
HW: 410+ SW: 375 CW: 340-ish
goals acheived thus far: Have ditched high-blood pressure medicine, was able to comfortably fit into a plane seat for my vacation in August 2012.
Life is, well, a condescending contradictory exasperating confounding ass crack with a heavy dose of sarcasm and wry humor on the side.
I mean seriously nothing you think you know is true. Not a damn thing. Lets ignore for a moment the fact that other people lie to themselves and thus cannot tell you the truth even if they want to. No this is not an important part of the issue.
it is your own damned senses that report thing improperly or even incorrectly. top that off with the deep personal bias you build every day and how can anyone be certain that anything they think is true is anywhere near correct.
By the time one unravels the bullshit web they are encased within they are dead.
everything in chance, random and at the same time predetermined and willed to be so.
No wonder the Buddha thought it was best to seek nothingness.
yet we live, we must exist in a state of consciousness for a reason. Take away the conscious, and we are nothing more than higher order mammals. in some ways i suspect with subconscious and super conscious alone we would be a far better organism, albeit far more limited in action and purpose.
Solomon to quipped that all was meaningless and a striving after something that cannot be caught.
Once you can feel that sentiment in your soul, what keeps one moving in life? Having come to just this position, knowing that nothing really matters, nothing at all, other than making my personal life as trouble free as possible ( which isn't a great motivation either ) what is the point.
My struggles with weight and body acceptance all come down to an abysmal lack of information and horrible genetic pairing. took me 30 years to find the information i was seeking, and i looked every day. Now that i have the information and am on the right path what next?
30 years focused on something is a long time. I cant even truly chastise myself for my self focus as my run away weight gain, kept only in check by my extreme self imposed measures, are all that kept me alive for those 30 years. However when something dominates your mind for that long it really should be something of true value. My personal existence pales in comparison to the achievements of individuals who brought great things to society. What could i have done had i been able to focus on something of value for the same 30 years? who knows
A friend once asked me what i would do once i had mastered my body (he took it as given, i however had no belief that i was capable of winning this fight, 30 years of losing will sap all hope away from a person). My answer was I had no other goal ever nothing mattered but forcing my body to accede to my will, it was my Nemesis and I would win or die trying.
Now here I am on the other side of the battle. knowledge fills me with a fait accompli. My struggle with my weight is over. the rest is history..... now what to do with my life?
Pick yourself up and keep living. Find a passion. Find a hobby. Find something worth your time and effort. Channel all that determination into another form.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
My Latest Journal
Goal weights are great ideas... and for the normal fatty :-) probably worth setting.
For the truly planetary body the desire to drop one more pound today is about all that can be held sanely.
Too much changes. too much that the normal plumper has no clue about. I used to live on the HCG forum, and no offense to those(mostly) chickas, listening to them complain about the 15 pounds they wanted removed before summer became rather annoying. it is very easy to place diet and exercise on anyone who WANTS to drop 30 pounds or less. it is most likely an open cakehole that is the problem.
when you start weighing in metric tons the body works very differently.
I KNOW i can hold 30 pounds of water and have pissed out 12 pounds of water in an eight hour period stimulated by the highly derided ice baths.
I have seen my bone density increase due to vitamin K2 supplementation, imagine how much anger and confusion one can feel as the weight increases but the inches dont or even reduce... but the tooth enamel regrowing as well as deep bone aches and 25 year long toenail damage ( from ripping them out by the root while playing barefooted ) spontaneously regrows correctly.
Watching the body reshape in the mirror, literally watch as the hump in my neck melted off, along with the excruciating pain of it as the same time... Waking up to bone wrenching agony as what seems like a charlie horse of the soul grips your nutsack and radiates up and down the spine. then seeing a 3 -4 pound drop from the previous day....
I know i have no farking clue what my body CAN do. All i know is that I stay the course, eat right, keep my chemical balanced and YES use HCG as needed to get over humps.
Goal weight... we dont need no stinking goal weight... just the will and desire to drop one more pound one more time.
I have accepted however that 275 is mostly likely where i could settle. IF i reach that place and hold it for a year I will know that it is time to start exercising ( what hullo hold the phone did he say.....) I have performed no routine form of exercise since June 2010. What i know from trial and error is that is the quickest way to halt reduction for me and in some cases set me back about 3 months. i do pushups ( i can get out 5 or 10 depending on the day and my testosterone levels) and bounce on my rebounder sporadically. Walk when the mood strikes me. that is it, anything more and i pay in scale weight.
Not to worry, i am still Fezzik apparantly. After my 5th round of HCG their was a hot debate about HCG wasting muscle mass and i was pretty pissed at the stupidity i felt those comments represented, so i went to my local muscle hutt. I walked in off the street and said, " you got a weeks pass", of course they did... i looked around and said can you give me a spot? She really could not so i settled down onto a smith machine (bench) pushed out 5 reps of 350 and maxed out at 385. given that I had done no serious weight slinging in about 4 years at that point i felt it was about what i should expect since 425 was my max workout weight with 475 being my max capacity.
I cant help being the biggest and the strongest... i dont even exercise.
Long winded i know but i cant expect anyone to accept that i dont have a goal weight without understanding why i dont have a goal weight.
I love the new avatar pic, Honey Badger. You just keep getting even more devastatingly handsome.
You rock quelsen.
I don't have any weight loss goals, although I have randomly lost 50lbs in the last year, without exercising, the same as you.
How about solving the worlds economic problems next?
Disclaimer: I eat 'meat and vegetables' ala Primal, although I don't agree with the carb curve. I like Perfect Health Diet and WAPF Lactofermentation a lot.
Griff's cholesterol primer
5,000 Cal Fat <> 5,000 Cal Carbs
Winterbike: What I eat every day is what other people eat to treat themselves.
TQP: I find for me that nutrition is much more important than what I do in the gym.
bloodorchid is always right