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Thread: i need help with my teen daughter! page 2

  1. #11
    sillysarah's Avatar
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    A 12 year old SHOULD be gaining weight. She's still growing! And two pounds? As your mother, I think you should encourage a body image that does not revolve around the scale of all things.

  2. #12
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    She's 12. I don't know what kinds of peer or other pressure she is under but unless she has health issues then, seriously, what messages is she getting about body image and where is she getting them? Why is a 12 year old jumping on the scales?

    She needs to grow and get some curves and that means she will need to put on some weight. I would suggest that you model how to keep perspective and take charge by getting her away from the scales.
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  3. #13
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    Parents don't "model" anything for teenagers. Teens take their ideas about bodies and everything else from their peers, and parents can't change them. Teens "jump on the scales" because that is what all their friends do. Don't blame the parents! If you have teenagers, you will understand -- the idea that you as their parent can change their ideas about what body is "hot" or attractive or cool or whatever is laughable. They're not listening to you at that age, and if they ever do again, it'll be sometime after 25.

    On the other hand, you can throw out the scale.
    Last edited by bookstorecowboy; 05-14-2011 at 05:50 PM. Reason: Clarity

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by bookstorecowboy View Post
    They take their ideas about bodies from their peers, and parents can't change them. The "jump on the scales" because that is what all their friends do. Don't blame the parents! If you have teenagers, you will understand -- the idea that you as their parent can change their ideas about what body is "hot" or attractive or cool or whatever is laughable. They're not listening to you at that age, and if they ever do again, it'll be sometime after 25.

    On the other hand, you can throw out the scale.
    I was just going to type the same thing lol. I have a 12 year old as well and I model and healthy image pretty damn good IMO. I`m not fixated on the scale or on numbers and I`m not constantly talking to her about weight and body image and all the stuff the media and peers are constantly attacking our poor young ladies with. I am constantly talking about nutrition and health and how you feel and how smart she is and beautiful she is just by being her and all the positive things. It is the media and peers who do alot of these things to our youth;it`s not always the mom. My daughter gets on the scale. I don`t think she`s seen me on a scale more than a handful of times in her 12 years. To the OP; if it sems like a chronic issue I would get rid of the scale but don`t make a huge deal of it.....just let it disappear and then when she ask you can just say you decided it wasn`t needed in the house because life`s not about numbers on a scale. Talk to her about healthy self esteem issues and beauty doesn`t come in numbers;stuff like that. Good luck. Tween girls are a challenge sometimes. As everyone else is saying she should be gaining weight cuz she`s growing. Maybe you can help her see the light that way.
    Last edited by pattyd; 05-14-2011 at 05:31 PM.
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  5. #15
    avelin's Avatar
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    You've obviously taken my comments the wrong way, apologies.

    I've raised 3 girls and we tended to talk about how friends at school looked at weight and body image and what was reasonable and healthy for us. I think it's just a matter of seizing the chance when you can and not pushing the issue.

    Parents do model both behaviours and attitudes - kids notice and they are quick to point out hypocritical behaviours too.
    Evolutionary. Ideology that fits biology

  6. #16
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    She's 12 years old - can't just say to her grow up regarding the weight gain. She is still a kid. A 12 year old is still developing and growing. All she should be doing is eating as primal as she can. If she has extra carbs at school that's fine as at home shell be eating what you cook her. If she is really overweight then it's good starting primal now.

  7. #17
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    Anyone who thinks teens take parents as "models" should take a specific activity, behavior, or preference they want their teenage child to adopt and then start to "model" it. The parent will quickly find out just how much the teenager models himself on the parent. Predicted influence: 0% to -95% (in other words, the parent's "modeling" will, if anything, produce the opposite tendency in the teen).

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by bookstorecowboy View Post
    Anyone who thinks teens take parents as "models" should take a specific activity, behavior, or preference they want their teenage child to adopt and then start to "model" it. The parent will quickly find out just how much the teenager models himself on the parent. Predicted influence: 0% to -95% (in other words, the parent's "modeling" will, if anything, produce the opposite tendency in the teen).
    You can't speak for every family.

    It was my mum who taught me that being over 9 stone was a serious crisis, long before my friends and I were even old enough to be concerned about that for ourselves.

    As for my own family, my teen daughter (14) is very impressionable. Believe it or not she has a high opinion of me and is influenced by my opinions and choices, whilst maintaining a healthy level of rebelliousness at the same time lol! I threw out our scale recently partly for that reason.

    I would be very concerned if my 12 yr old was upset that she'd gained 2lbs. She is still growing and developing, surely? Heck, I'd be concerned if I had a 18 yr old daughter who freaked out over 2lbs! I asked my 12 yr old what she thinks, and she was very surprised a 12 yr old would be concerned about a 2lb gain.
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  9. #19
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    Please understand that I am an assistant principal at a high school and do VERY much understand the need to model a healthy image. I am celebrating my daughter's choice to become primal. I tell her often that she is beautiful and as a matter of fact she is stunning. But as it goes, if you have brown hair you want blond. If you are tall you wish you were shorter. I believe that the image issue comes from the fact that my daughter is athletic, strong, tall, and does not look like her friends. Actually she is 5'6" and 135lbs. Hardly overweight. My true aim was to get ways to tell her that she needs to relax and trust the PB process. All of you have provided exceptional thoughts and I am having her read every post. I truly appreciate the comments from women alike as that has the most validity to her. I value everyone's input and thank you greatly for it.

  10. #20
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    At 12 years old, she's gonna be gaining a lot more than a couple of pounds in the years to come...

    Speaking from experience of raising 3 daughters (2 are adults now and the 3rd is 16) and a boy...

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