Primal Journal ~* Diana Renata *~ page 108

[Minxxa]

I don't know how you do it D, I'm so bad with eliminating things from my diet even for a month. Sigh. I do feel like my diet's improving, though, so maybe I'm just impatient?? I only started really doing some primally things last November, and really it wasn't until January that I got serious about 80/20 (more like 90/10, but still). Maybe I just need to let it become more comfortable before I add in all that stuff.

It's sounds like you had a fun day though! Sometimes I wonder about boys... they so often end up screwing themselves out of good stuff by not being honest. (and honest with themselves, too!) Not all though, but it seems to happen quite a bit... they're just not as self-aware of us. Sometimes I envy that! Hee hee....

[Diana Renata]

I'm stubborn, and a little OCD, emphasis on the "Obsessive." Hehehe... I can pretty much force myself to do anything most of the time, and I'm extremely good at restricting myself. I've had 3 years of practice managing food, so when I went full Primal a little over a year ago, it wasn't a new strategy, just different rules. I eased into Primal lifestyle though, gradually eliminating foods. I'm sure that helped a lot. Just change one habit at a time. That's the best advice I can give anyone when it comes to making lifestyle changes. Don't try to do it all at once. Just do one thing at a time.

I don't get guys at all. The thing that keeps coming back to me was "What was he thinking?" Total facepalm. Sucks too cuz I can't even use him as a Benny. I'd rather deny him than satisfy myself- lol. I just wish... I could find a guy as cool as him, that I could trust and totally fall for. Long hair and dark eyes wouldn't hurt either- lol. Guys don't have to do much, really. Just avoid doing anything that would cause us not to trust them. Everything else is just details.

I've really been getting in this "single and lonely" funk lately, and it sucks butt so bad. *sigh* It's been... 4 years since I've been in anything other than a casual relationship. Ugh.

[NoSaladWithoutMeat]

Guys aren't hard to get. In fact, they're so simple that's it's hard for us to fathom how simple they are. And I envy that. I overcomplicate every little thing/ emotion/ hint and sometimes just need to breathe... and think about one thing at a time. It's hard to live when you think so much, that's why the most brilliant people are psychopaths and manic-depressive

The Unsolicited Advice Corner: I still don't think it's a good idea to hang around B, just because I don't believe in purely platonic relationships, especially when there's a history... In a while you could change your view of him a little, maybe even forgive or forget what he's done. You'll start seeing how sweet and nice he is and the memory of the shitty thing he did to you would start to become very vague.
If you do get back together, he kinda got away with it and it sends a message that on some level cheating wasn't a big deal. He'll do it again.
I don't believe guys who cheat can change.
They're kinda like dogs, you have to train them because they don't know any better. If they "pee all over you stuff" you need to make such a scene that the whole experience would be traumatic and he'll think twice about doing it again (or become more careful), but if you shrug it off and be like "cool, man, we can hang out" it's just... not it!
Augh I hate to sound like I'm lecturing, I'm not trying to. I just care, and I don't want you to get hurt because I've seen this scenario happen so many times before.
Then again, I don't know either of you and might be getting it totally wrong... so just a warning, because they can be really charming and make all the bad stuff go away and hurt you again!

Guys don't get it. But neither do girls. At my age, no one wants a serious relationship or even cares who gets hurt. It's such a vicious cycle, but good guys end up with utter hoe-bags and girls with morons... and it takes years before the good gals and guys find each other.
The worst part though, is that the hoes and morons find each other as well, and reproduce.

[hannahc]

You're doing great DR, it's almost halfway through April already and you're holding strong! You can make it Sorry about your single-ness funk though, that does suck that B was such an idiot. You deserve someone really cool AND trustworthy though, so don't settle!

[DarthFriendly]

I am going to follow your example Diana, and ask for MEAT for my birthdays from now on. LOL.

And, yup. Being single is suckedness. (I'd go into a long diatribe in contrast to Meaty's about guys being simple, as to how girls are so complicated that they outsmart themselves and leave otherwise excellent guys going "huh?", but why bother? Most things in life are less complicated than we make them.)

[Diana Renata]

LOL Meaty! That's so right. I don't get how guys can totally not think about anything, and just have a blank brain. Women are always thinking, always. It's like we're computers. Men work with only one window and when they're done with it they close it. Women have 12 windows open all the time, so even when one's being used there are 11 more running in the background.

Yeah, you're probably right. I've always been really good about putting walls up around my heart after "the one" a few years back. With the exception of him, I've been able to stay on friendly terms with the guys I've dated. Even in the case of him, I thought about looking him up just to say "look at me!" LOL. Many of them I still think fondly of for different reasons but there's no chance (with the exception of excessive alcohol consumption on my part perhaps) of anything happening- so it's a good thing I don't drink. If I could just roll all the best things about the guys into one, and none of the bad stuff... Oh, I wish. Especially if the result looked like my last semi-serious guy. I wish I could have kept that one. *Yummy.* LOL

I guess the one thing I have going for me... maybe it's sort of two things... being dedicated to Artemis makes me very spiteful. I'm starting to wonder if being a dedicant to Her is doing my dating life more harm than good. Of course I'd pick the goddess who didn't take on a mate/counterpart. In fact she killed men for accidentally seeing her bathe. He was turned into a stag and ripped apart by hounds. That's my girl! Maybe I ought re-dedicate to Aphrodite- lol. The Artemis side of me would take a certain pleasure in building B up and then crushing him with the knowledge of my hot new dude... if I could find said hot new dude. I don't think I could really do that to somebody though. I have some sociopathic tendencies that I try to keep in check (manipulative, narcissism, lack of empathy/remorse) but as I get older they're starting to fade. Oh my god... I'm growing a heart!

Truth is, I don't want to play any games. I'm cool with being friends, and was up front about that, and put it clearly that I don't trust him any more than superficially. I don't want him under any illusions that he has a chance- lol. In the meantime, I should probably limit how much we hang out. First, because I don't want us to become too good of friends, and second, I need to be visibly available should I find previously mentioned hot new dude.

So now that I've finished psychoanalyzing myself...

Thanks Hannah. It's hard sometimes. I keep wanting to weigh, and occasionally daydream about cheesecake.

LOL Darth. I could hug you. We DO overcomplicate and overanalyze everything... as I just plainly did. I won't even try arguing. I don't care if men are simpler than women. I still want one.

So for today...

I woke up kind of late today and didn't do my morning workout. I also decided to just skip breakfast. I just didn't want to put in the effort for anything, and was lucky to have showered. I'd considered skipping that too. Honestly, I love my hair the day after a shower. I think I might start bathing at night. Skin and hair looks way better in the morning before a shower for some reason. What's with that?

I manned (or womanned) the fiber room alone today, without any help from anyone other than Ian (supervisor) cutting a few cables. Yay for me being totally independent. I want to be the rock star of the fiber room. Maybe it'll get me a raise.

Lunch was 3 eggs and 4 strips of deeeeelicious bacon. 3 raw carrots. OMG, they were so SWEET. I think my tastebuds are changing. I'm curious to see what fruit will be like down the road.

When I got home I did my workout. I actually kind of liked it. I wasn't as pressed for time, so I could "play" a little more. 2 rounds of kickboxing with Jillian, with arm stuff worked in between circuits. Push-ups, pull-ups, dips, rows, boxing with weights, swung the club-bells around, overhead press. Felt good.

Dinner was 2 cabbage rolls with kale and lots of marinara. I'm still full. I kind of miss the idea of dessert. Some chocolate almond milk was sounding good earlier. I think I'm still a bit dehydrated. I suck at drinking enough water on weekends.

After dinner I went to the Corning Museum of Glass to hear Eva Abrams, a holocaust survivor, and her daughter speak about her experiences. I've heard a few survivors speak over the years and it never ceases to be touching. I never really know what to say about it. It makes me worry for the direction we're headed as a country, though I doubt we'll ever get to *that* point. Hearing survivors tell their stories just reminds me never to forget. It's hard to imagine a world when there will be no survivors to tell their stories.

Oh, did I mention I chipped one of my teeth (or lost a filling rather?) Called the dentist and she said it would be about $225. Just freakin' great. I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER BILL. I'M TRYING TO SAVE MONEY FOR MEAT AND GET OUT OF DEBT DAMN IT!

Ok... I'm still in the single funk, with all this B stuff, and holocaust stuff, and no dessert stuff, and lack of money stuff... so I'm gonna zone out and finish watching Big Bang Theory before I head to bed.

Ooops, forgot to add fitday stats.
1556 Calories
97.9g Fat (56%)
82.1g Carbs (20%)
95.1g Protein (24%)

[NoSaladWithoutMeat]

I had something brilliant to say.
But I forgot.
But it was brilliant.
I swear.
It was like, funny, true a little sad and like, very very eloquent.

Hope you liked it!

[FlyNavyWife]

ohgoodness i loooooove canolis.
you're doing great on your challenge though. Stay strong!
and sucks about your tooth!! Are there any other options? Did you ask about if they can give you a deal if you pay in cash or anything like that?

[Diana Renata]

LOL Meaty!

Thanks FNW. I just keep looking in the mirror and saying "This is what it's all about." Yesterday's arm workout was fab. I slept through another morning workout this morning. Lately my body just wants to wake up and ease into the day. Ideally, I'd be doing a hard workout between 10 and noon, but instead I'm at work. Gonna try to get another quality workout in after work today.

Unfortunately, that is the cash price. I'd hate to think what it would be otherwise! Dr Wylie is one of the only dentists in the entire area that takes uninsured patients too. The issue is, what seems to have happened is that I lost a filling that he did last year.... and now I have to pay for him to fix his filling. How dumb is that? I know of a better dentist, but she costs way more. I keep trying to justify going back to Wylie by saying I'll go to the other dentist "next time when I have more money." I'm not sure, but I think I'm lying to myself- lol.

Another groggy morning. Just gonna try to wake up. Not really sure how interested I am in breakfast. Some bacon and eggs does sound good.

[primalmom]

hey girl ! ... your April challenge is going GREAT !! woohoo - I must do the dairy thing soon !!!!
I have done a few IFs (finally) and it is different with the workouts, for sure !! - something I will have to get used to
Bacon always sounds good !