A thread wherein guys rant, complain, and chat about MANLY MAN THINGS page 459

[Blackcatbone]

BTW, I've been meaning to tell you: save yourself for someone special and have it mean something. guys are different, but it's so important for us girls. i remember the next day i got up and looked in the mirror for a long time to see if i looked any different. i thought i did. and i felt certain that everybody at school could tell just by looking at me. the night i lost my virginity was one of the sweetest of my life and, no matter what, nobody can ever take that experience away from me. (and i'm still in love with him, on my deathbed i will still love him).

Meh. Women attach too much meaning to sex. It can be deep and meaningful but it can also be fun to have a meaningless fuck. While a person's first time may be sweet and may mean something at the time, most young people also think having hair just like Justin Bieber's is the most important thing to look for in a mate. We tend to look at the past through rose colored glasses. Most couples take time to figure each other, and themselves, out sexually, so expecting first times to be anything more than nervous fumbling and panting is setting yourself up for disappointment. Of course, if both parties approach it as just sex, with a sense of humor and wanting to have a good time, whether in a meaningful relationship or a booty call, it's less likely to disappoint.

[spakesneaker]

Agree. Mine was in the back of my parents' car, in a parking lot, and we were both virgins so it wasn't good. BUT, I am so grateful it was someone I cared about who cared about me. That's what made it special.

It might *feel* a lot better though if you go w/ someone who has experience, which will be more likely when you're a bit older I'm sure. I agree w/ grumpy that you'll be fine, whatever you choose.

honestly there is one (experienced) male friend i would consider propositioning. but right now the main reason i don't is because i just don't feel comfortable with my body, and i don't want to inflict all my insecurities onto someone. i'm pretty sure that's not fun for either party.

[FairyRae]

Meh. Women attach too much meaning to sex. It can be deep and meaningful but it can also be fun to have a meaningless fuck. While a person's first time may be sweet and may mean something at the time, most young people also think having hair just like Justin Bieber's is the most important thing to look for in a mate. We tend to look at the past through rose colored glasses. Most couples take time to figure each other, and themselves, out sexually, so expecting first times to be anything more than nervous fumbling and panting is setting yourself up for disappointment. Of course, if both parties approach it as just sex, with a sense of humor and wanting to have a good time, whether in a meaningful relationship or a booty call, it's less likely to disappoint.

This all is making more sense to me. As an adult, the experience will be a lot different than doing it at 16/17. I was thinking about the first time w/ than teenage perspective in mind. I know *now* I could just go and do it and have fun. (Still not sure if I'd feel that way if I was just doing it for the first time today though... I'd prob. want it to be with someone I was comfortable w/ who I cared about.)

And spakesneaker, I agree that getting more comfy w/ yourself b/4 doing it is a great idea if its important to you. OTOH, one thing that helped me get more comfortable w/ myself was sharing myself (intimately) w/ someone else. Being vulnerable with someone else (not necessarily through sex) helped me to become more comfortable in my own skin... So, not sure that's helpful at all!

[canio6]

On a totally seperate note - FairyRae, I just checked your link to your before/after pics. Very nicely done. And I totally want that chair you are sitting in wearing the black dress. In the Christmas pic my first thought was, "Now, that is a smart baby reaching for...oh, playing with a pine cone."

[TigerLily]

@spakesneaker:
Didn't you say earlier that you have 15# to lose still? If you are waiting around until you have a perfectly flat stomach and no cellulite, you are going to be waiting for a long time. Don't fall victim to the Baywatch standard. Ever been in a women's gym locker room and looked around? Nobody is perfect and, news flash, the dude you are going to be with will not be either and he will have his own insecurities as well (hairy back, love handles, soft belly, smallish penis). I used to be really sensitive about such issues as well, until one day I just said "fuck it -- I'm going to have myself a good time" and let go. Lights on, here I am. It's not like the dude didn't notice before that you're a chub. My friend and I used to laugh about a scenario where the guy says to himself, "You know, I never noticed she was fat before until we were having sex!" Trust me, dudes would much rather have a roll in the hay with a chick with some extra meat on her who can have a good time in bed and isn't cowering under the covers versus a Barbie who just lays there.

Also, some women are perfectly cool with sleeping around and having one night stands. I went through a period when I was living in San Francisco when I was exploring that. I had to find out for myself that it really doesn't work for me and makes me feel yucky. But that's something you will have to figure out for yourself. But the first time needs to be with a guy who cares about you and is concerned for your well-being. It definitely doesn't need to be Fabio on the bearskin rug in front of the fireplace, but it should be someone who cares for you, the first time. After that, get wild, try new things, have fun.

[Blackcatbone]

honestly there is one (experienced) male friend i would consider propositioning. but right now the main reason i don't is because i just don't feel comfortable with my body, and i don't want to inflict all my insecurities onto someone. i'm pretty sure that's not fun for either party.

Get a good vibrator, if you don't already have one. Figure out what you like and get comfortable with it. It will go a long way towards feeling more comfortable in your own skin regarding sex before you try it with someone else. And aside from the genetically abnormal and the surgically enhanced, we all have imperfections. Most men are so happy to be getting close to pussy they won't notice the stretch marks and cellulite. It's doubtful they're Adonises themselves. They're more likely worried about being able to perform and please you. And check out this website Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross | Sex Information Online

[Grumpycakes]

most young people also think having hair just like Justin Bieber's is the most important thing to look for in a mate.

Hilarious and true.

[Blackcatbone]

But the first time needs to be with a guy who cares about you and is concerned for your well-being. It definitely doesn't need to be Fabio on the bearskin rug in front of the fireplace, but it should be someone who cares for you, the first time. After that, get wild, try new things, have fun.

This is true. One doesn't have to be in a relationship to expect to be treated with respect and have a thoughtful partner who's concerned with your emotional and physical well being.

[TigerLily]

Get a good vibrator, if you don't already have one. Figure out what you like and get comfortable with it. It will go a long way towards feeling more comfortable in your own skin regarding sex before you try it with someone else. And aside from the genetically abnormal and the surgically enhanced, we all have imperfections. Most men are so happy to be getting close to pussy they won't notice the stretch marks and cellulite. It's doubtful they're Adonises themselves. They're more likely worried about being able to perform and please you. And check out this website Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross | Sex Information Online

+1000

[FairyRae]

On a totally seperate note - FairyRae, I just checked your link to your before/after pics. Very nicely done. And I totally want that chair you are sitting in wearing the black dress. In the Christmas pic my first thought was, "Now, that is a smart baby reaching for...oh, playing with a pine cone."

Thanks Canio! Love the PB! (I'd been a yoyo dieter for-ev-er--so nice to find something that is sustainable and works for me!) LOL on the pine cone--he's always gone for the boobies too!

Trust me, dudes would much rather have a roll in the hay with a chick with some extra meat on her who can have a good time in bed and isn't cowering under the covers versus a Barbie who just lays there.

<snip>

But the first time needs to be with a guy who cares about you and is concerned for your well-being. It definitely doesn't need to be Fabio on the bearskin rug in front of the fireplace, but it should be someone who cares for you, the first time. After that, get wild, try new things, have fun.

Agree agree agree! I'm not a guy, but in general, the more confident a girl is in bed, the more adventurous and free to have fun she'll be--more fun for everyone that way.