A thread wherein guys rant, complain, and chat about MANLY MAN THINGS page 165

[New Renaissance]

Most people don't cry at the drop of a hat. Those that do usually fall into the camp of A: being manipulative, B: being depressed or C: were never equipped with the mental tools to handle the stresses you mention. I've been known to cry when emotionally overwhelmed or stressed/frustrated on occasion although I do it privately. It's a release valve that keeps me from choking the shit out of people. I can then get back to doing what needs to be done. I don't see people crying all over the place. I think you may be building a straw man there.

I just want make sure there is a middle ground in the conversation. I feel like the majority of people are in the third category, and were led to believe it is OK and Normal to not be able to handle these emotions.

My release valve is a sledgehammer and a tire.

[Apex Predator]

Since apparently I need to clarify that I'm not into all those games and manipulation, here is my definition:

An alpha male is the one who has taken responsibility for the leadership, protection and provision for his family(group, tribe, etc), thereby taking that burden off of his mate, children, elders, etc. His is focused on the welfare of those he loves, more so than his own. While others contribute, often significantly, the ultimate responsibility is his. He must make the decisions for the good of everyone, though often with much input from others. Those who handle this responsibility well are respected.

In the modern world, with all it's silliness, sometimes this translates to the early stage of relationships as ignoring silly drama and being very direct, and not allowing yourself to be manipulated in any way, intentional or unintentional.

[Saoirse]

An alpha male is the one who has taken responsibility for the leadership, protection and provision for his family(group, tribe, etc), thereby taking that burden off of his mate, children, elders, etc. His is focused on the welfare of those he loves, more so than his own. While others contribute, often significantly, the ultimate responsibility is his. He must make the decisions for the good of everyone, though often with much input from others. Those who handle this responsibility well are respected.

In the modern world, with all it's silliness, sometimes this translates to the early stage of relationships as ignoring silly drama and being very direct, and not allowing yourself to be manipulated in any way, intentional or unintentional.

more or less, i agree with this. most of the time i let my husband make the big decisions, mostly because i'm too worn out from the kids to care too much. there have been a few big decisions that we completely disagreed on. in those cases, i take into consideration permanence before deciding whether or not to stand my ground. for example, when we had our first baby, my husband thought we should circumcise and i was against it. i knew that if i was wrong, there was nothing lost (it's safer and less painful to circ an adult or a kid than it is to do it to a newborn). but if he was wrong, you can't go back on that decision. i held my ground and years later my husband told me that was the right decision.

Part of this Men Don't Cry thing is what we call in aviation Compartmentalization. The emotions are still there, but there are things that are higher priorities than letting it out. You learn at a very early age how to set all the emotional (good or bad, distress or eustress) components to the side to be able to accomplish a task. It's nothing different than a football player playing through the pain, a musician playing nervous as hell to a crowd of thousands, or a soldier going on patrol. You just wait until the right time to let it all out. If i cried every time something was hard, painful, emotionally overwhelming or I was worried about stuff going on at home, I put other people at risk.

EDIT: It's not that men that men hide their emotions, so much as they prioritize them very low.

honestly this is what i usually do as well. it's so programmed into me that if i'm crying alone in a room and my husband comes in to give me a hug, i just can't do it. i take his hug and then ask him to leave. it's just one of those things that was programmed into me as a kid. that was an adjustment for my husband, who was used to a family that lets it all hang out (and expects you to). his mom cries and throws tantrums and his dad bitches about "emotional women," but has just as many angry emotional outbursts. i guess my point is that i don't see this as a man vs. woman thing, my experiences show me that it's more of a familial thing.

[Alex Good]

The really annoying part is when you aren't left alone to express your sadness. To those who think it's okay to harass your kids after the loss of a loved one, know this. Sadness becomes anger at the slightest provocation, and they will lash out at you.
And you will deserve it.

[Pandadude]

The whole point of showing emotions is to manipulate the humans around you, or influence if you want to say it in a nicer way. I guess faking it is immoral, but on the same time some people are going to be more sensitive than others etc.

Anyways this blog by a paleo psychologist that Mark recommended a few posts ago wrote a post on his forum very specifically discussing some of the "alpha" myths of the pickup community: Correction: The pickup community is dominated by misunderstood gentlemen I highly recommend his actual blog aswell.

[Blackcatbone]

Anyways this blog by a paleo psychologist that Mark recommended a few posts ago wrote a post on his forum very specifically discussing some of the "alpha" myths of the pickup community: Correction: The pickup community is dominated by misunderstood gentlemen I highly recommend his actual blog aswell.

Evolvify is a great blog, I agree. I need to read more of it.

[Saoirse]

The whole point of showing emotions is to manipulate the humans around you, or influence if you want to say it in a nicer way. I guess faking it is immoral, but on the same time some people are going to be more sensitive than others etc.

Anyways this blog by a paleo psychologist that Mark recommended a few posts ago wrote a post on his forum very specifically discussing some of the "alpha" myths of the pickup community: Correction: The pickup community is dominated by misunderstood gentlemen I highly recommend his actual blog aswell.

only if you're a robot; emotions happen whether we express them or not. they also have the side benefit of showing others what's going with our brain chemistry. if you slap me in the face and i look angry and kick you in the groin, the angry look on my face shows you the biochemical consequences of your actions. my expressed emotion is a clue that you can use to make your decisions more than it is a warning to you.

thanks for the link. i agree with the OP in that link, and i found this particular quote interesting:

Humans do exhibit dominance behaviors in some situations. However, spreading around propaganda that humans are hard-wired for alpha-male dominance is only half of the story. Humans are also hard-wired to cut down alphas by mob rule.

don't you think oprah and angry feminazis might be the "mob rule" part of that equation?

[spakesneaker]

only if you're a robot; emotions happen whether we express them or not. they also have the side benefit of showing others what's going with our brain chemistry. if you slap me in the face and i look angry and kick you in the groin, the angry look on my face shows you the biochemical consequences of your actions. my expressed emotion is a clue that you can use to make your decisions more than it is a warning to you.

thanks for the link. i agree with the OP in that link, and i found this particular quote interesting:

don't you think oprah and angry feminazis might be the "mob rule" part of that equation?

i haven't read the link but it seems that other men have a lot to lose from alpha males too... more than women do i would argue.

[Saoirse]

how so?

[geostump]

don't you think oprah and angry feminazis might be the "mob rule" part of that equation?

This is why I avoid programs such as Oprah, The View etc like the plague. I consider myself to be a former feminazi and I used to be a pretty bad one at that.