Journal on depression/anxiety
Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).
Going away for the weekend, so this is the last update until Sunday. I can tell you now that I'll be eating at least two meals out. Part of why I was keen on cooking most of this week.
All is well otherwise. I slept great last night, as I knew I would. The stress headache I had for two days is alleviating. Yeah, I get stress headaches. I wish I didn't. I try to relax and stop sweating the small stuff, but man...when you're waiting for major news (like whether or not the baby you're carrying is going to have developmental challenges that may force you and your husband to make some very hard decisions), it's just not always possible.
Next time, more massages and hot baths.
Hashbrowns with ketchup (cooked in bacon grease)
1 duck egg (double yolker!)
Half-caff with stevia and half-n-half (a half-n-half-half-caff? sounds like something out of Steve Martin's L.A. Story)
Eating out with my mom and grandmother. Four generations (well, one still half-baked) at lunch. Awesome.
Mom's making pork roast, sweet potatoes, and green beans. She tailored the meal for me and Mr. Onalark. <3
There will probably also be...ice cream.
Congrats on your baby results!!! What a relief to know everything is normal. And you are right.. it's very hard not to worry while you're waiting for answers. Or not to worry in general, really.. And yay for finding out the gender! I feel the same way, that knowing what we're having makes it feel more real now. We're having a boy, and just being able to say 'he' instead of 'it' makes him feel more like a person.
My partner and I opted out of the genetic testing because we are both mid 20s and generally healthy. Logically, I knew it was what I wanted to do. But around the time when I would normally be tested, I was a bundle of nerves thinking 'OMG did I do the right thing? What if something is wrong and we don't know?!' It's stressful caring so much about someone who isn't even fully formed yet!
I probably didn't realize how much my mom worries until I started taking steps toward being a mom. And she had even fewer diagnostic tools at her disposal back then. No ultrasounds, no dopplers, no fancy blood tests. Her first two kids, they diagnosed the gender by the heartrate. Hah!And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
-- A Mother's Prayer for Her Daughter
Congratulations on the boy! We've been saying Baby Onalark's name and talking about the forthcoming daughter which is all very weird (we still have half a year to go!) but also very right. I had this same sense when I was getting used to calling my husband a "husband". 30+ years as a single lady makes certain words unfamiliar coming out of my mouth in reference to the human being next to me.
Good luck on a happyhealthysafe pregnancy!
Weekend was actually not bad food wise. Saturday morning I made buckwheat pancakes, and saved one for later. I learned that a buckwheat pancake with melted brie is really, really, really good. I may have to start saving them in the future for such purposes.
I had steak (of course) with dinner. All the appetizers were meat. Amazaballs lambchops, some scallops (I do not much care for scallops, but Mr. Onalark is a certified scallop freak and assured me they were amazing), and chicken with real mayo to dip them in. Ungst. So good.
I did have a piece of bread, and I definitely had some bites of cake. It was my dad's 70th birthday, and I enjoyed myself. The cake tasted good at first, but progressively became too sweet. I ultimately gave up after the third or fourth bite due to sugar overload.
Aaaaand this morning there may have been a biscuit. And gravy. But it's okay, because I got home (after a 2.5 hour drive), had a migraine, took a nap, woke up, and puked. Hah. I made it through A WHOLE TRIMESTER without puking, and it's the biscuit and gravy breakfast that does it. Awesome.
Mr. Onalark took over dinner duties tonight as it became clear I was in no condition to cook. He got me some tom ka gai from a local Thai place, and I ate half of that, waited to make sure it wasn't coming back up, then ate the other half 2 hours later. I may make myself some chicken soup tomorrow, as I have plenty of stock in the fridge for just such uses.
Accountability starts again tomorrow. I had a lovely, relaxing weekend (except for the migraine at the end), but I am probably going to stay home from work tomorrow just in case the stomach thing is more serious than I thought. Which reminds me: time for bed. Night!
Feeling more gooder, but my stomach is kind of grumpy.
May go and get some short ribs for dinner. Or I might sit on my ass with the cats and watch Teen Wolf and drink hot tea. We'll see how I feel in an hour or so.
Grilled cheese (GF bread, cheddar cheese, butter, mustard)
1 cup split pea soup (homemade)
1 raspberry-cream bar
After last night, I was starving and still not feeling great, so I got my emergency backup bread out of the freezer and made a quick grilled cheese. Sicktime food.
Nope. Nevermind. Was still throwing up yesterday. Still queasy today.
It's entirely possible this is NOT a bug or food poisoning, but morning sickness turned vengeful. Ugh. Anyway. I'll restart accountability tomorrow because we just aren't going to talk about what I ate these last few days to keep something in my stomach.
Heartburn is funny. No, wait, it's not funny. It's painful. But it's funny in that I only get it mid-day. After dinner, I generally don't have any. After breakfast, same thing. What is it about the 2-6 PM window?
Trying not to go crazy with the Tums but ugh it's hard. I drink water -- I drink it by the truckload -- but too much water and I start feeling like a big ol' squishy bag of squish. Sometimes it's just easier to pop an antacid. Maybe I should try chewing on celery sticks.
I've tried papaya enzymes. They work for about ten minutes, then it's back to acid burning in my throat. Sigh.
Anyway, that's my pregnancy bitch of the day. All meals stayed down today, whoo hoo! Also: we went for a nice 40 minute walk. Whoo hoo! Hoping to do some weights tomorrow night maybe. Whoo hoo!
Tomorrow we return to your regularly scheduled accountability, already in progress.
Once again, a doctor has informed me that I'm "Doing great!" Also, I note that my records say "hyperlipidemia" and "hypertriglyceridemia" and PCOS. I should really ask them to remove those.
Got my flu shot, and before anyone marches into my thread and rants about my vaccination choices, let me just say: fuck off. Love and kisses, Steph.
So, got my flu shot and got my hall pass that says I'm doing good and now I am back to not feeling like crap or feeling like my stomach is going to turn inside out if I eat bacon and eggs. Hooray!
I did get kind of an odd look from the nurse when she asked me about prenatal vitamins. I rattled off the list (iodine, selenium, Vit-D, folate), and she said, "Oh, all part of one multi-vitamin?" and I said, "No, I take them individually." Then she gave me The Look. The "ma'am, don't you know you're supposed to be taking a multi?" look. To which I gave back the, "lady, I am not bombarding my body with useless iron and calcium supplementation if I can help it." Good times.
My doctor was enthusiastic about my CNM choice, though, so no battles there. I was being paranoid about that. Good to know.
Couple bites cottage cheese
1 egg, scrambled
2 strips thin bacon
12 oz half-caff coffee
1/2 bag of fruits snacks
Japanese curry with beef and veggies
Sea-salt cream and green tea
Picked around the potatoes, ate a bit of rice, and thoroughly enjoyed my lunch out. Will concentrate on making dinner lower-carb.
1 cheese stick
Spring rolls with shrimp and pork, fish sauce
Pho with all the nasty bits - picked around the noodles, ate broth and meat
1 dried persimmon
Yeaaaaah. So much for low carb. :P
Last edited by onalark; 10-25-2012 at 10:48 AM.