Primal Journal - onalark page 34

[onalark]

Okay. I'm back. I need to start tracking what I eat again. Moving + pregnancy meant a lot of slip-ups. I need to be held accountable.

We heard a heartbeat at 13 weeks, which reduces the chance of miscarriage even more and man, am I relieved. The weird thing about having a prior miscarriage is that when you get knocked up again, it doesn't feel really-real. Or, well, that's what I've been experiencing. Moping because there weren't "enough" symptoms. Feeling like at any moment I'll get bad news.

So, rebooting my journal as an actual food tracking journal, recommitting to a grainless life (though I think weekends I'll let myself have a little rice and potatoes and buckwheat), and here's what I've had today so far:

Breakfast
2 strips bacon
1 scrambled egg
12 oz half-caff coffee, black

Snack 1
Asian pear

Lunch - Special "from the depths of the freezer" edition!
Roasted chicken leg quarter
Roasted slices of kabocha squash
1 cheese stick

Snack 2
Slice of jerky
1 cheese stick
Bite of some sort of weird nut bar thing that I threw away the rest of. Oh god. It was awful.

Dinner - Special "I don't want to cook and my husband's away for the night anyway" edition!
Seaweed salad
2 oz duck pate
1 oz dark chocolate cheddar
1 celery stalk

Snack 3/Dinner Cont'd
Cottage cheese with sunflower butter.
Strawberry-coconut milk "ice cream"

Aaaand I'm done. Last time I don't make dinner. Ugh. That was unpleasant.

[onalark]

Blood test this morning. I fasted because no one told me not to; I probably didn't need to, but I'd rather hold off on eating than get to the lab and find out I need to come back tomorrow.

This is, in my mind, the last "hurtle" toward being joyous about the pregnancy. Isn't it great what science has wrought? But, y'know, I'd rather know now if I'm carrying a kid that's going to be stillborn than find out three months down the road. Also, the Maternit21 test is boss, eliminates the need to use amnio or cvs to eliminate the possibility of chromosomal anomalies, and I'm glad I am with a midwife who knows what it is and how to get me the test. Also glad I upped my insurance and FSA last year; it's eating a lot of these charges.

Now, onto food. Going to track a little more detail now since I intend to turn this over to the midwife, who is curious as to how a grainless pregnant woman eats.

Breakfast
Coconut-banana muffin (homemade: 136 cal, 13g carb, 3.8g protein, 7.9g fat)
1.5 Tbs pumpkin cream cheese
12 oz half-caff coffee

Snack 1
Couple tablespoons of toasted coconut chips

Lunch
Beef bourguignon from the cafe
1 cup mashed potatoes (yeah, yeah)
Steamed broccoli, squash, and carrots

Snack 2
3/4 medium-small banana
2 hardboiled eggs
Tablespoon of toasted coconut chips
1 orange

Dinner
1/3 lb ribeye steak (pan-seared)
1/2 medium-sized baked potato with butter, salt
Roasted mushrooms
Green salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, olives and homemade vinaigrette

And water. Constantly, constantly drinking water.

[namelesswonder]

Dude, that test IS boss. Thank you for sharing that! My little bro has Down Syndrome, though I don't know what kind (one of them is genetic, others are random and most often attributed to age of cells, I think). A distant cousin also had a kid with Down's, so I'm pretty much planning on getting any possible testing when/if I have kids. Knowing there's a much safer option that's super accurate is relieving!

[onalark]

Dude, that test IS boss. Thank you for sharing that! My little bro has Down Syndrome, though I don't know what kind (one of them is genetic, others are random and most often attributed to age of cells, I think). A distant cousin also had a kid with Down's, so I'm pretty much planning on getting any possible testing when/if I have kids. Knowing there's a much safer option that's super accurate is relieving!

It just came out this year. That said, if it does come back positive, I think procedure is to still do an amnio to verify...not sure.

We're doing it because of "maternal age" (I'm less than 40, over 35, and that means doctors are EXTRA SPECIAL CAREFUL around me). No family history, but I am cautious and also a little (okay, a lot) worried about the whole stick-a-needle-in-my-stomach thing. It's a little expensive compared to the standard first trimester screening ($164 completely covered by insurance versus $260 partially covered), but it's also supposed to be highly accurate.

And I'll be honest -- the scientist in me trusts DNA sampling way more than a technician squinting at a grainy sonogram to determine if you're at risk or not.

There's another test by another company that does the same thing, but I heard of the Maternit21 first, so that's what I asked for. It's called verifi, and more info is here:

Overview | Verinata

I mention it because I know the company that makes M21 has come under fire recently, and I do wonder how much longer they'll be in business. If something should happen, though, there's always the other option. And I can't see a test like this -- now that it's available and so accurate and so painless -- going away. Someone will want to make money off worried parents. Everyone else does!

Science, you are soooo boss.

[onalark]

I like Michael Ruhlman. I don't always agree with him -- he is clearly a kitchen curmudgeon -- but I like him. I like his approach to food and food politics.

His website makes me happy. Even when I'm not agreeing with him. His wife's photos are beautiful. His food looks delicious. It is sometimes complex but often simple. It makes me want to cook.

The call to make our own food is half of what I think is important about the whole paleo/primal/"wise traditions" movements. The arguments about whether potatoes are bad or what's worse: gluten or PUFAs? Yeah, whatever. But there is one unalterable thing I think we all agree on -- people (not just Americans; people globally) are eating too much factory food. Food that's been manufactured to meet a bottom line, food that's been stripped of its nutrients or had new, unnatural ones added into them, food that's been tweaked to trip the sensors in our brains and make us crave more.

I cooked most of my meals this week. The exception was Wednesday night, when I left off my errands to grab a meal from the local megamart. It didn't satisfy me, and in fact left me feeling a little gross and achy. When my husband came home late that night with a bag of El Pollo Loco, I was surprised at how the smell of it made my stomach turn. I used to eat it every week in high school. It's weird to go from loving a food to finding it pretty abhorrent.

Every weekend, one day only, we have pancakes. I know it's not paleo. I don't really care. I soak the buckwheat myself, I use fresh eggs from a local farmer, and we anoint each cake with grassfed butter and just a bit of maple syrup. My husband and I spend an hour or so eating that breakfast, enjoying each other's company, enjoying the simple pleasure of well-made pancakes that we know won't make us sick.

Meals this week so far have been a stellar "lasagna" on Sunday night (with baked eggplant slices subbed in for pasta), bratwurst with sauerkraut on Monday, leftover lasagna on Tuesday, steak tonight, and tomorrow night a chili that I'll have slow-cooked while I was at work. These things were a pleasure to devote time to, and the payoff was good meals that satisfied and nourished us.

I feel for people who have been convinced that all this is "too much work" or that they "can't cook" -- not without Rachel Ray holding their hand. When I went to make the lasagna Sunday, I had no recipe; just a vague outline in my head of how to make the sauce, how to make the cheese layers, how to bake the eggplant. The same is true of the pancakes. I've now made them so many times, there is no recipe. Just me and the kitchen.

But make no mistake -- I was a miserable cook in college. Despite coming from a "cooking" family, I failed about as often as I succeeded. Eating my failures was what made me better. Knowing that it was this or the college cafeteria -- a fate worse than death -- drove me on. I acquired the determination to learn from making myself sick on a plate of pasta mixed with condensed cream of chicken soup. Next time, I told myself, skip the soup. Nowadays I would add to that: skip the pasta, too.

I also had guidance from a good cook who was my college roommate, who could sometimes take my failures and spin them into gold. That alchemy fascinated me. How'd she do it? I'd ask. And she'd just shrug and say -- she did. Because she had to. She hated seeing food go to waste.

Me, too. And every time I try something new, there is that held breath moment where I worry if we're going to wind up running out to get dinner. If this will be the night I'll finally make something inedible. It hasn't happened yet. I've learned to listen to the little voice when it's screaming -- NO NO NO THAT MUCH CUMIN WILL RUIN THIS! -- and when it's being quiet -- eh, go ahead, see if it tastes good.

So much of what I eat out anymore disappoints. This is probably the turning point in my life. Restaurant food just isn't as satisfactory as what I prepare at home. Some things are still a mystery -- good saag paneer, for instance -- but I'm confident with a bit more tinkering, and a bit more tries, even that someday will no longer fail to elude me.

The cook's journey is just that. No one starts out as a great cook. It's somewhere you get to along the way.

[badgergirl]

That was a lovely post.

[JYves]

"And every time I try something new, there is that held breath moment where I worry if we're going to wind up running out to get dinner. If this will be the night I'll finally make something inedible. It hasn't happened yet. I've learned to listen to the little voice when it's screaming -- NO NO NO THAT MUCH CUMIN WILL RUIN THIS! -- and when it's being quiet -- eh, go ahead, see if it tastes good."
It is so true. I never knew how to explain that one. I was a professionnel chef and now that I only cook or for home or voluntered work, i always listen to that feeling/voice. No need to taste after, it is always good !!

[honeybuns]

I, too, loved that post. You write very well.

I wonder if you could be like me. It took me a long time to realize that I had the ability of combining taste with smell for good results. With a taste in my mouth of what I was cooking, I could smell a spice and know whether or not it would work with what I was cooking.

[onalark]

Oh hey. And here I thought I was calling out into the void. Thanks for the response, ya'all.

That was a lovely post.

Blush! Thanks.

"And every time I try something new, there is that held breath moment where I worry if we're going to wind up running out to get dinner. If this will be the night I'll finally make something inedible. It hasn't happened yet. I've learned to listen to the little voice when it's screaming -- NO NO NO THAT MUCH CUMIN WILL RUIN THIS! -- and when it's being quiet -- eh, go ahead, see if it tastes good."
It is so true. I never knew how to explain that one. I was a professionnel chef and now that I only cook or for home or voluntered work, i always listen to that feeling/voice. No need to taste after, it is always good !!

Yeah, that voice is the voice of experience. You don't get it until you've tried. I'm blessed to work with people (both at home and at work) who are okay with failure, and know that it's one of the best ways to learn.

I, too, loved that post. You write very well.

I wonder if you could be like me. It took me a long time to realize that I had the ability of combining taste with smell for good results. With a taste in my mouth of what I was cooking, I could smell a spice and know whether or not it would work with what I was cooking.

Thanks.

Taste and smell, definitely. I can smell when baked goods are done or when a roast needs to be checked, but that's again experience. I had to start with the guidelines (ROAST MEAT X MINUTES PER Y POUND) before it became "ahhh, the chicken smells done!"

Sound's another good one. And feel. Steaks that are at the right stage of doneness have a certain feel.

I won't lie and say I never use a temperature to check a roast's doneness, and I still think they're a good idea for extra-thick meats like pork loin or a rolled lamb leg. But there's a lot to be said for trusting your instincts that something is ready to go in your piehole.

[onalark]

Now back to accountability, which is slightly boring! Sorry!

Today I felt hungry at lunch. This is great, because I haven't felt hungry at lunch in a while. I also didn't gag when I brushed my teeth this morning. Second trimester, I love you!

My midwife wasn't crazy about my weight gain. I can blame the move and the stress at work and first trimester cravings, and...I will! Seriously! It was crazy for a while and I am NOT going to be hard on myself because I was going through a stressful and extraordinary period of my life. All I wanted was noodles and cookies. It's really a good thing I didn't think about a noodle cookie because OH MAN I WOULD HAVE SO BEEN THERE.

I did used to eat spaghetti pancakes. Which, actually, were pretty delicious. I don't think spaghetti squash could ever replace that one.

Which reminds me: no more rice for a while.

Breakfast
Coconut-banana muffin
1 Tbs sunflower butter
1/4 cup cultured cottage cheese

Lunch
12 oz clam chowder from the cafe
2 oz (?) grilled chicken breast, because I wanted more protein with my lunch
We'll see if the soup holds me over. I don't think it will, but there's always hard boiled eggs and bananas if I need a pick-me-up around 3.

Snack
Pineapple cottage cheese
Pinch of coconut chips (those went fast)
I am resisting snacks in the department bar. Yes, my department has a bar. And it has snacks. And alcohol. Actually, the smell of the alcohol is enough to keep me away from the snacks. Hooray, pregnancy!

Dinner
Chocolate chili with cheese, sour cream, raw onions (GIMME A KISS)
Homemade all-cornmeal cornbread with butter
Cavegirl Fudge, 1 square
Chocolate-Honey Mint, 1 disc

That was an extremely good chili. Turned out great, even using a crockpot. Would definitely make it again.