I missed your post yesterday, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. Nothing really adequate to say in these kinds of situations... I think your bright side is a very good bright side. I hope things improve for you soon!
Journal on depression/anxiety
Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).
Oh, Steph, I'm so sorry. [[[[[[[[[[HUGS]]]]]]]]]]]
You have got a really good man by your side. The two of you will get through this together and go on to become wonderful parents in the future.
I think this may be just a natural way of the body "running a systems check" before really doing the full nine months. This happens a lot. I know that doesn't make you feel any better right now but I know you're going to be fine.
Hang in there.
We're moving past sad. Having the miscarriage pass is helping me to move on. We should be back to the "fun part" of trying in a month or so. And at least now I won't be 4 months pregnant when we're moving all our crap in September. Like I said, there are bright sides to all these dark clouds.
Today for brunch we had GF pancakes and bacon and coffee and wonderful free-range locally grown eggs. I'm probably going to make gas-grilled pork loin for dinner.
Thus ends the non-TMI portion of this post.
The rest is about passing a miscarriage using Cytotec.
You have been warned.
So, Cytotec. In my case, it was like a very bad period times three. A lot of abdominal cramping, but nothing I couldn't handle. I read some pretty awful stories about it being "just as bad as childbirth", and all I can think is either a) these women have much lower pain thresholds than me or b) everyone has a different experience. I'm leaning toward "b"; fact is, my pregnancy stopped growing at 6 weeks, so there wasn't much to "pass".
My primary experience was cramping, bleeding, and the chills. The medication started almost immediately, and the first 30 minutes weren't so bad -- a lot of pulsing and warmth. 1 hour in, chills and cramping started, but not much bleeding; light traces. 2 hours in, the cramps got worse, but still only light bleeding.
One bit of helpful advice I got from the midwives, but didn't see anywhere on any forum or webpage was: don't take NSAIDs (ibuprofen, naproxen) when you're using Cytotec to pass a miscarriage, because the mechanism by which these drugs work interferes with the Cytotec's effectiveness. Acetaminophen, however, is a-okay, and Extra Strength Tylenol has been my best friend for the last 18 hours. Even better if your doctor prescribes some sort of industrial-grade painkiller. Mine didn't, and I probably wouldn't have taken it anyway; Vicodin does weird shit to me.
Also, though I normally use cloth pads for my periods, I opted to use some disposable "overnight" ultra thins for this, and I think that was a damn good choice. I've gone through six so far.
I used a heating pad on my lower back to start, then switched it to my belly about three hours in. I practiced deep breathing during the heavy cramps. I also practiced some of the things I'm told you should try in labor to get your body to relax -- laughing, smiling, and meditations on "opening up".
Yes...I know laughing and smiling during a miscarriage sounds weird, but I am hellbent on turning lemons into lemonade, and my way of coping is this: I'm treating this whole thing as a labor "dress rehearsal"!
I started my dosage at 8 PM, and it took about 6 hours for it to "work", with the majority of the bad cramping happening in the first 6 hour period prior. By midnight-ish the chills and teeth chattering had passed, the cramping had subsided to manageable levels, and the room and everything was too warm. I took off the heating pad and the blankets I'd piled on. I also dozed off for about thirty minutes; it was way, way past my bedtime at that point.
I went to bed at 1 AM convinced I'd "done it wrong" (the pills are inserted, not swallowed, if you catch my drift) but asked Mr. Onalark to wake me up when he came to bed just in case. Surprise, surprise -- at the 2:30 AM mark (when he woke me) was when the first of the major clots and bleeding started, and after that I got up every 1-2 hours to check on my status and change my pads if necessary.
By 9 AM the bleeding had reduced significantly, and I slept until noon. I have that luxury, and it's a good thing, ya'all.
I'm still bleeding and passing clots, there's still a little cramping, but nothing worse than the heavy periods I used to have pre-primal. Anyway, I won't miss work tomorrow, and I'll get to see fireworks tonight.
The question is: would I do this again? Answer is: probably, given time and distance. Less risky than D&C, and though the pain is intense, it's manageable in my case. I lose a night, I gain a sense of moving on. I'm okay with that.
I hope this helps someone, somewhere, sometime. I know when I was researching how I should deal with the miscarriage, personal testimonials were very useful. Good luck, to anyone dealing with this difficult decision.
I had two miscarriages back when I was married. Both just spontaneously aborted. I never took any medication for it. You're right, it was like a really bad period gone wild. It turned out I had a defective uterus. It was split in two halves so there was not enough room to grow in. I could get pregnant just fine but not stay that way. Neither of the pregnancies were planned in my case so nobody was doing any checkups or tests on me. It wasn't until the second time it happened that they thought to do an ultrasound and figured it out. I had a hysterectomy and have never regretted that decision even though it was basically the ending point of my marriage. He really wanted kids and started treating me like some kind of lemon car he had been sold. Not good Dad material. Yours sounds like a keeper.
Last edited by Paleobird; 07-04-2012 at 04:07 PM.
Despite all equipment working (to our knowledge), we had initially decided NOT to have kids, and I'd settled into the notion of being an aunt but never a mother. When we went primaleo, our health improved, and that made Mr. Onalark decide that he could be healthy enough to raise one. I literally have Mark Sisson to thank if we ever have a kid.
BUT -- if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, and we made two decisions when we started this process: no heroic measures (i.e., no IVF, no adoptions) and if we don't have kids, we go on more vacations.
I'm sorry your husband couldn't adapt. That is just terrible. Massive hugs.
(And thank you for sharing. I appreciate it.)
Gas-grilled a pork loin last night, grilled peppers and zucchini, and parboiled, smashed, then roasted (in bacon fat!) the tiny yukon gold potatoes I bought when I was craving starches. That's almost the end of the perishable non-primal stuff; I really hate wasting food, and potatoes are borderline anyway. Also: they were delicious.
Tonight I'm going to try an experiment with some salmon I steamed yesterday. Neither Mr. Onalark or I like salmon unless it's heavily doctored (smoked or salted, or mixed with something). I have some cream cheese (also borderline; also perishable) and I'm going to see if blending it up with the salmon and some herbs, then stuffing it in pepper shells is any good. If I can find a way to get Omega-3 into my diet without supplements, I'll take it.
We walked down to the beach and watched the SC fireworks display last night. It was fun and patriotic and so, so beautiful; I can't remember the last time I went down to watch the city's fireworks, and never with Mr. Onalark. We tried to figure out why the hell this is our first time, and realized we're usually camping or traveling over the 4th. Was kind of nice to just stay home and rest.
Still a little bleeding, but nothing crazy. Two pounds down already, and I suspect there's some inflammation going on with the raw physical trauma of the miscarriage. Hoping to get back to weights next week.
I'm making a flourless chocolate cake for my birthday party on Saturday. Ingredients are: butter, chocolate, eggs, and coffee. Trust me when I say this fucker's amazing. Mom's making strawberry shortcake, which is the tradition with my birthday; I have never been a big cake lover, but I looooove fresh, syrupy strawberries over homemade biscuits -- which is how we do shortcake, none of this "angel food cake" crap. Anyway, I intend to put some of her strawberries on my chocolate cake. Om nom nom.
Okay, that's a no on salmon. I've tried. I've tried and tried. I do not like grilled, steamed, or broiled salmon. I don't like it as a cake, I don't like it on my plate.
I have seriously tried to cook salmon every way known to woman. It just isn't working. That realized: we're switching to arctic char and trout when I can find them. I'm tired of spending money on a fish that neither Mr. Onalark or me like. We'll just eat moar trout and char. :P (And I'll eat more sardines, because I actually like 'em.)
'Course, if it's smoked or cured, I'll happily eat your salmon, but I just can't get over the taste when I cook it. Blarrrrrrrgh.
We popped a bottle of wine ("Le Rocher des Violettes") from Amboise and drank that since we didn't really enjoy dinner. The wine made up for the salmon and there was much rejoicing.
Ew. Steamed salmon is yucky. It just goes all mushy. I smear mine with a handful of crushed ginger and crushed garlic, about equal parts of the two. Let that sit for a while and the fish get up to room temp. Then quick saute in butter and a splash of tamari.
Also the quality of salmon can vary a lot. Once in a while for a treat, find and Asian market and spring for some sushi grade salmon. It's like a whole different animal.