Journal on depression/anxiety
Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).
Boobs are a bit sore. Last night I came home, whipped off the bra, changed into my nightshirt, and then stood in the hallway leaning on my husband. I was too tired to play PC games (we're currently working our way through Act III of Diablo), which should say something. It wasn't physical weariness so much as mental fatigue. I just wanted to curl up somewhere and not be active.
My department is going out for bowling today for a team-building exercise. There will be drink coupons. Alas, I'll be enjoying little more than club soda and maybe some slices of lime.
Still no nausea, but I'm aware we learned about the pregnancy very, very early. Damn my meddling, scientific ways!
Going camping this weekend, and looking forward to some "disconnect" time. Planning on bringing along scotch eggs and I dunno what else. My camp cooking has whittled down to practically nothing since we went primal. I make breakfast and dinner, and we eat something leftover inbetween if we feel like it. We really just don't need anything more than that.
Some very mild nausea this morning. It feels exactly like low blood sugar, minus the shakes and migraines. If I eat something, the nausea abates. And still no food aversions.
I should probably stock up on some gluten free jerky to keep in my desk for these occasions. Too bad it's all either ridiculously overpriced or got other crap in it. Wish I hadn't let Mr. Onalark throw out my dehydrator on the Big Drive West.
Wore my glasses this morning because my eyes were puffy, and that's usually a sign I have a hives reaction coming on. Other than that: great weekend camping, lots of hiking and walking and lifting things. Onward.
My boobs are hilarious, you guys. They're alternately painfully perky, or radiating heat, or just sore. A few times I've woken up in the morning with my shirt off. Because of the boobs. I've gained two pounds, and I am pretty sure it's all IN MY BOOBS. (One pound for each of 'em.)
Some nausea still, but nothing insurmountable. I've been a lot hungrier mid-afternoon, so I've been keeping dried fruit and meat around.
Still doing weights. There seems to be no consensus on whether I should or should not be lifting heavy -- most of the advice about not using barbells comes from junk science sites, and most of the "proof" comes from Crossfit ladies who were still doing weighted pull-ups into their third trimester. (Yes, weighted even with the additional baby weight...woof!)
So I'm going the sane but not ridiculously overcautious route. I'm assuming the obvious: protect the joints and tendons, because of relaxin shenanigans. I'm watching my form, stripping off weights when they get too heavy, and just overall not being stupid about it. I also find it mildly hysterical that a lot of these sites warn you don't! Don't do exercises on your back! Back, but then what does every goddamn board-certified OB want to do to you THE MOMENT YOU WALK THROUGH THE DOOR IN LABOR? Yeah. WTF, America?
Went to make my usual breakfast of eggs, and my stomach was all OH HELL NO and I was like, well, okay then. Having nothing on hand that sounded good, I crumbled up some leftover cornbread in a bowl, poured on a splash of full-fat milk, added a dollop of sunflower butter, and ate it with a spoon. Not particularly primal, though the cornbread was homemade and gluten-free, and that's about as good as it's going to get right now.
I should probably cook up a batch of sweet potatoes for these occasions. A better breakfast would have been mashed yams, coconut milk or cream, and nut butter. Or regular butter. Just so long as I get a kick of fats to make my vitamins digestible.
All I know is that empty stomach = nausea right now. And that homemade cornbread (properly prepared, soaked, etc.) doesn't make me sick, though corn products cooked in crappy oils does. Not a coincidence, I suspect.
I routinely wake up earlier than my husband, so I decided to dig through my old yoga DVD collection. Wound up doing 30 minutes of hip openers. And followed that with house cleaning. And then I made coffee.
I'm getting a massage at 12:30, because we need to close out my Massage Envy account, but I don't want to do that until I've used up all my credits.
Some more waves of nausea. They come and go. My weight is staying stable; I seem to have even lost a little. Boobs still hurt.
Yesterday's barbell workout:
- 5x5 squats @ 110#
- 5x5 press @ 55# <-- started at 75#, stripped weights after 2 sets
- 1x5 deadlift @ 115#
Oooooh still nauseous from time to time. No rhyme or reason. Could be in the morning! Could be in the evening! Could be while you're standing by your desk and your husband is babbling about the latest Java environment he's downloaded!
Also, chalk this up to "nobody told me" -- heart palpitations. Because apparently I have more blood in my body and WHY NOT. Which makes me wonder why vampires don't target pregnant women more often in stories? Oh hey, I think I just got an idea.
Another ocean day. Whenever I go down to the ocean, I can't help but think of this.
WHY DON'T YOU EVER ANSWER ME, OCEAN?
Dry eyes. So dry. Can't wear my contacts.
Sleep last night was a trainwreck. I went to bed early and woke up three times yelling obscenities and hopping around the room. Pretty sure I charged across the bed at one point -- glad I didn't hit the kettlebell that sits on the bench at the end of the bed. :P
Fun fact! I tend to have hypnagogic hallucinations during the first hour or so of sleep. This is probably going to eliminate the option to co-sleep. Sorry, attachment parenters -- the last thing I want to do is mistake my baby for a goblin in my half-awake demented state and throw her across the room! This is one of those things primal has not "fixed", and I doubt there's anything that can "fix" it. We thought it was triggered by alcohol for a while, but I haven't had a drink since mid-May, so that seems unlikely.
And yes, I have thrown things in my sleep. Cats, in particular. Poor cats.
Aaaand I have a pounding headache, aaaaand the only thing that ever helps my pounding headaches is ibuprofen (which I can't take) or sleep (which I can't do because I'm at work).
All my meetings are front-loaded into the morning, so I may go home after 2 PM. For now I'm toughing it out, but I feel pretty exhausted.
"Morning" sickness. In the evening. It's like a hangover without the fun part. Ugh.
Suffice to say, I have no appetite and I'm still thinking I'm going to try and go into work. Wondering if I can find some juice pops on the way from here to there.
On the "look on the bright side" side...this means I'm still pregnant, right? Right??
Ugh. Blergh. Ugh.