Hello all. I'm feeling very down/stressed and I'm not sure why I feel guilty about what I ate today. It was my first day back at school and my second day of being not pescatarian anymore. Also my first day being truly Primal at school. It was cool to find that I didn't need to eat every hour and a half like I did a while ago, but I kind of ate too much when I got home.
Let me know what you think. I was not hungry at dinnertime but I knew I hadn't had enough calories and I'd been craving my mom's amazing teriyaki chicken for 4 years so I let myself eat that + some broccoli + 1 sq chocolate when not hungry.
My targets are 50-90g carbs, 90-110g fat, 70-85g protein, but I'm just estimating the carb grams for now as I think I'm getting enough fat + protein. I'm trying to lose FAT.
... back to school, goddamnit!
Weigh in: bloated
Breakfast: black peach tea with 1/2 tbsp honey + 1/2 chopped mango (I know, really high in sugar but I can't let them rot, I used to eat 1/day and we have 3 at home that are ready to be eaten) = 20g carbs
Snack: very small handful nuts = 10g carbs
Lunch: 1 big-ass salad (1/2 avocado, canned tuna, olive oil-vinegar-soy sauce-ginger dressing, some feta cheese, tomatoes, peppers, spinach) = 15g carbs
Afternoon Snack: 1 carrot + 4 eggs, scrambled w/ butter & double cream + camomile tea w/ 1/2 tbsp honey + random bites of a failed egg pastry (eggs+honey) = 20g carbs
Dinner: 1 chicken thigh cooked Teriyaki-style (soy sauce, honey, ginger) with 5-6 florets steamed broccoli + 2 squares 70% Lindt = 20g carbs
Total: 85g carbs, ?g fat, ?g protein, about 1,500 calories?
Please I feel awful about myself and I'm not sure why. I know most of you hate me because I post a lot but I can't stop stressing about everything...
Try posting in one thread that you update when you feel like adding info. When you post so many threads people are just going to stop clicking through when they see that it's you again. Do you have a journal? Start a journal here and update it daily if you like, that will work better. And there's really no response to what you've posted here because you've done fine today, what is the problem?
Look. I know that you've said you have a history of ED. This whole "Primal enough" thing is one of the symptoms of it - the all-or-nothing, I-have-to-be-absolutely-perfect-and-I-have-to-control-everything-or-I'm-a-failure kind of thinking that is going to undermine you in a big way, no matter what kind of eating plan you're subscribing to.
Look, here's my advice and experience, for what it's worth. First, avoid non-Primal foods as much as you can, while you get into some kind of counseling to help you address the control and perfectionism issues that are really at the heart of your ED problems. Don't freak out too much about what you're eating being perfect for your O3/O6 balance, or whatever - as tfarny has said elsethread, Grok's focus wasn't on all that minutia. It was on finding food that made him able to do what he needed to do. As long as you avoid non-Primal foods, you'll be eating more or less Primally by definition.
But! If you keep focusing on being a Perfect Primal Person™, rather than just eating Primally, you will be shooting yourself in the foot from the get-go. It's not about being perfect. It's about treating your body the way it deserves to be treated - with honor and respect and the food that makes it healthy and gives it the right kind of fuel.
Every now and then, you can't be perfect, AND THAT'S OKAY. You're human. It happens. The world does not end just because you made a mistake or goofed or even because you actively decided to eat a banana split. Gods know I'm not perfect - not even close. I hate exercise and I avoid it. I can't afford organic food or grass-fed beef. But even with those limitations, just focusing on eating meat, fat, non-starchy veggies and the occasional berry or handful of nuts - doing only that and no more - I've had enormous success on this way of eating. Because I'm not stressing out about every bite of food I put in my mouth, I don't think of it as something I "have to" do. I just do it because it works and I feel great doing it.
You may need counseling to get to that point, because of your ED history. I strongly, strongly suggest you do that so you can move past the control and perfectionist issues and begin to enjoy how you feel and how this way of living makes you feel. You can do this. I'm sure of it.
Last edited by Griff; 04-25-2011 at 05:15 PM.
Sounds like you need the support of a counselor or good friend right now. (((hugs)))
Carbswise, it looks like you had a great day. Food wise...omnomnomnom mmm mango....
Take a deep breath, relax and repeat" I had a great day today, I'm doing exactly what I need to do"
Its easy to get freaked out when you're changing EVERYTHING about the way you eat. You are doing great. Really. I suggest you go find Batty's journal (HANDS OFF MY BACON) and read it over. Always a great place to go and get inspired.
Calm the f**k down.
I feel like you are asking us to validate your eating choices (which are GREAT btw, I'm so glad you've started eating meat again!). But I think the stress this is causing you is probably best talked about with someone like your mother or your psychologist, or helped by reading through malpaz's blog - malpaz.wordpress.com - and the experiences of other ED recoverers. We can give you nutrition advice but I don't think that's what you need.
You have a lot of support available at your school, if you decide to take Griff's advice: NYU > Student Health Center > Medical Services > Eating Disorders Program > Getting Help
Oh sorry, I think you haven't started school in NY yet.
Thank you all. I will now limit my posting to my journal, you're right aktres.
Griff: I am constantly in this battle, but I really wanted to do well today because I had a kind of weird day yesterday (2 chocolate easter bunnies, half a giant potato...) and it was my first day at school, which always throws carbs or useless snacks in my face. Thank you for your advice and concern! It's great that you can be so honest with yourself and that you're doing great! Good luck Oh and btw, I am in counseling. Actually I didn't go to see my therapist today because of money/time/energy constraints...
Thanks and thanks again. I need to stop posting obsessively on here. This is a lifestyle change. Not an obsession. Rinse & repeat.
You can post obsessively - just post to one thread (your journal, for example). That way people won't get angry that you're posting multiple threads. I tend to start threads only occasionally, and I rarely post to my own journal anymore. I comment on threads other people start, instead.
You can do this. Take a big breath and relax, and go do something not related to food, exercise, or nutrition. I find that inkle weaving is a great way to take my mind off my stressors, and at the end of it I have awesome trim to sew on something - another one of my hobbies (I'm a medevialist). Do you have any hobbies that you can use as stress relief?