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    ciavyn's Avatar
    ciavyn is offline Senior Member
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    The Sedition of Sisyphus

    I call much of my life by this title, because it emphasizes what I desire to destroy -- that feeling of constantly shoving the boulder uphill, only to have to do it all over again. I see this lifestyle as a way of doing this, as well.

    A little background: I grew up dieting. I've had enemas, diet cookies, diet shakes, diet smoothies, diet dinners, cabbage soup, citrus 24/7, chicken 24/7, no-fat diet, weight watchers, weighdown workshop, etc. If it's been out there, I've tried it. I even did the Carbohydrate Addict diet, where you eat anything you want for one hour in the day. I learned early on that starving worked. And so that was what I did. And addiction to exercise became my nemesis. Did I look good? In some ways, yes. Was I thin? Yep. Was I happy? No. I would sneak french fries off of a friend's plate and lick the spoon after someone finished eating dessert. I weighed myself multiple times a day, and spent hours working out. It is no way to live.

    Depression became my diet companion. Once a year, due to family circumstances beyond my control, I slip into very dark times. Right around the holidays. Where most folks gain weight around that time, it falls off me as I refuse food. Ironically, it looks a bit like Intermittent Fasting (IF), but it has no goal other than to find a way to experience physically the pain I feel in my soul. For various reasons, I've yet to be able to expel this darkness, though I believe much of it was exacerbated by a bad marriage, which has thankfully ended. So who knows what this year will bring?

    Two years ago, I discovered that I have Celiac's disease. Quite by accident. A friend of mine nearly died from it, and he insisted I try going off of gluten and dairy. He knew of my years of gastrointestinal illness, and unsurprisingly, he was right. Getting of gluten and dairy made me feel wonderful. When you have spent years in a family that is always sick, and you are always sick, it becomes the norm. I had no idea you could feel this good and full of energy. I thought my weight problems were solved, because after all, I can't have unending bread and pasta. However, sugar is gluten-free, along with everything it is snuck into.

    I ran two half-marathons last year, yet I put on weight. When I left my husband, I was at my heaviest: 5'1" and over 150 lbs. Because of the stress and at that time, suicidal thoughts, my depression was in full-swing, and I immediately dropped 20 pounds. But as soon as I got situated, the weight creeped back on. I was tracking my calories at 1300-1500/day, and worked out 3x/week. How do you gain weight when you are doing everything right?

    This is when I found "Fathead," on Hulu. Someone mentioned it on Celiac.com, and I watched it. Then I watched it again. Then I recommended it to my best friends. Then I recommended it to everyone I know. Then I read (tried to read) Gary Taubes's Good Calorie, Bad Calorie, but the denseness of the science lost me. I ordered the Atkin's Diet book, the South Beach Diet, Eat Fat, Lose Fat. Paleo Diet resources. And then I found Mark's Daily Apple. I think Mark puts into every day terms the essence of all of these resources. Once I read Taubes's Why We Get Fat and What We Can Do About It, I knew I'd figured out my issues.

    Years of hypoglycemia, yo-yoing weight, and a round body began to disappear, and still is. My stomach is toned and you can see the muscles. As this continues, I might actually have a six-pack. I can see the muscles I'm building as the body fat disappears. And dear God, I'm stuffed. Most of the time, I'm so full I don't eat for many hours in between meals. Who needs to snack?! That alone is phenomenal.

    I have friends who are desperately curious about what I'm doing, and I'm thankful to finally have an answer for them to a healthy way to lose weight. This should be an interesting journal.

    Enough background:

    Today, I started doing sprints. Used the treadmill at the gym. Amazing rush of endorphins. It's the most incredible legal high I've ever had. Lifted heavy things, and admired my newfound muscle tone in the mirror. I weighed myself -- 128 with shoes. I was 126.6 at the doctor's last week. It's in all the right places, but I'd still like to see 110 on the scale. So here we go.

    Focus for this week is getting down to two meals a day, with one or two small snacks as I head towards just two meals a day. I did it for quite some time, and I want to get back to it. I'd like to do Yoga and meditation in the morning rather than cook, so this should work. We'll see how it goes.

  2. #2
    Hedonist's Avatar
    Hedonist is offline Senior Member
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    Welcome! I hope primal works out great for you! Sounds like it is going to.
    Ancestral Health Info

    I design websites and blogs for a living. If you would like a blog or website designed by someone who understands Primal, see my web page.

    Primal Blueprint Explorer My blog for people who are not into the Grok thing. Since starting the blog, I have moved close to being Archevore instead of Primal. But Mark's Daily Apple is still the best source of information about living an ancestral lifestyle.

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    ciavyn's Avatar
    ciavyn is offline Senior Member
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    Managed 5 minutes of meditation this morning, two sun salutations, and coffee with heavy cream and coconut oil. Feel pretty good so far. Pleasantly tired from yesterday's sprints, and comfortable waiting to eat.

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    AuH2Ogirl is offline Senior Member
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    How tall are you?

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    ciavyn's Avatar
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    5'1"

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    Cool, thanks. Was just curious.

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    ciavyn's Avatar
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    Oh, come on, you gotta tell me why.

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    AuH2Ogirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ciavyn View Post
    Oh, come on, you gotta tell me why.
    Because 110 seemed kinda light...but not if you're 5'1".

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    ciavyn's Avatar
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    @AuH2Ogirl -- gotcha. No worries. Been into EDs before. No desire to go back.

  10. #10
    ciavyn's Avatar
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    Had a good day yesterday -- felt overfull at dinner, so will make a conscious effort not to do that again. But otherwise, felt really good. Need to avoid scale, as I find myself getting the tingle of obsession over the numbers. Will only weigh once a week at gym, if that. Otherwise, will rely on mirror and clothing.

    When I woke up this morning, I did not have the overwhelming hunger I usually do. Typically, it's all I can do to wait for the eggs to cook. But this morning, I enjoyed my coffee with cream and coconut oil. Lips are exceedingly soft after the coconut oil! And I'm okay now. A little hungry perhaps, but satisfied with waiting. Current window for food: 9-7 (because I'm meeting someone for dinner tonight). Looking forward to shrinking that down a little next week, but for this week, it's a good start.

    Also on the fitness side, I walked the dog for 20 minutes -- had an appointment in the evening -- and am still sore from the gym on Tuesday. Abs are feeling much stronger though, so I must be doing something right.

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