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Thread: Having trouble coping with the loss of my cat, 11 years together page

  1. #1
    EvansMom's Avatar
    EvansMom is offline Senior Member
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    Jan 2011
    Reno, NEVADA

    Having trouble coping with the loss of my cat, 11 years together

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    Well the title says it all. Miss my cat Max terribly, he died this Sunday. We had routines together and doing them without him is heartbreaking. He played with my son and loved him. Miss him so much.

    Any suggestions about moving on? I have rarely in my life experienced loss, and have never coped with it well.

  2. #2
    kennelmom's Avatar
    kennelmom is offline Senior Member
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    Feb 2010
    Upstate of SC
    This site has been a great resource to me over the years: Ten Tips on Coping with Pet Loss

    We tend to adopt senior pets, so I know the sting of loss all too well. I'm sorry you had to say goodbye to Max *hug*
    Heather and the hounds - Make a Fast Friend, Adopt a Greyhound!

  3. #3
    geostump's Avatar
    geostump is offline Senior Member
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    Nov 2010
    Ohio, its not the heart of it all
    Just remember the good times. Losing a pet is just like losing a kid or any other loved one. It is always difficult in the beginning, but you will be able to move on. I also remind myself that death is part of the circle of life and that at one point, we'll be back with our loved ones, animal or human at another time.

  4. #4
    Owly's Avatar
    Owly is offline Senior Member
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    Aug 2010
    You don't have to move on right away. It's okay to take time to grieve. We have a culture that says people should just get over things this instant, and it's destructive. More traditional societies make a space for people to mourn a loss, and I think it's far healthier. Treasure the memories, allow yourself to cry when you need to, and eventually, you will start to feel better. Forcing yourself to move on too fast will often make it harder to deal with the sadness in the long term. Don't quit living, but make room for your feelings.
    “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

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  5. #5
    NicoleP's Avatar
    NicoleP is offline Senior Member
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    Feb 2011
    Hampstead NC
    I am very sorry for your loss. I know it hurts like hell. I had to put my 20 year old cat to sleep a while back and it broke my heart. It gets easier with time, but I know that doesn't make you feel better now.

  6. #6
    MamaGrok's Avatar
    MamaGrok is offline Senior Member
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    Feb 2010
    At the risk of sounding callous, I suggest this: haiti earthquake - Google Search

    I don't at all mean it to be dismissive, but honestly, perspective always helps me move past disappointments, losses, anything negative in my life. It's what works for me. Then I take the real pain I feel for the much larger loss and do something about it. That can have a huge range of possibilities - volunteering to help with a blood drive, collecting clothes for earthquake victims, organizing or running in a fundraiser, working in a soup kitchen, sacrificing some luxuries to give to those with next to nothing ... in other words, giving to others leads me to get out of myself.
    5'4" 36yo mother to five sweeties & married to their AMAZING DaddyGrok
    Starting: 185 lbs (March '10)
    Current: 132.5 lbs
    Goal: 135 lbs (Hit Jan '13)
    Beating bingeing since 10/31/11 on my Leptin Reset journey

  7. #7
    norak's Avatar
    norak is offline Senior Member
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    Feb 2011
    Oslo, Norway
    When I grew up we had two cats. One of them was put down when my parents moved and the other went missing a few years later. Even though it's been more than a decade, I still think about them every now and then. The initial sadness went away after a while, and now I mostly think of the good memories, how we used to play with them, how they woke me up lying in my bed in the mornings, etc.

    Right now it will be hard for you focus on the good memories, but eventually that time will come and you will hopefully be happy for the time you had together instead of being sad for him being gone. It will take some time though.

  8. #8
    Dragonfly's Avatar
    Dragonfly is offline Senior Member
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    Oct 2010
    Port Townsend, Washington
    (((Hugs))) I am so sorry for your loss.

    When I lost my 13 year old Husky/Shepherd, I allowed myself to cry as often as the waves of grief came. This helped so much, and it only took a few weeks for me to be able to see another dog and not burst into tears. Everybody has their own rhythm, so be patient with yourself.

    The loss of Max will also bring up any earlier losses that haven't been fully resolved--and that's normal.

    EFT can be really helpful to make this time a bit easier.

  9. #9
    Lynna's Avatar
    Lynna is offline Senior Member
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    Jan 2011
    Newark, Delaware USA
    I'm sorry for your loss. Pets do become family.

    I lost my 10 year old girl (tortishell cat) a year and a half ago the day we left on vacation. She started not wanting to eat the night before and was worse the next morning. We took her to the vet and she was in renal failure. Twenty-four hours before that she was fine. They thought maybe she had gotten into some sort of poison, but she was basically an indoor cat. Going on vacation was sad, but we had distractions and were away from home. Coming home to an empty house was really hard and the DH and I just cried. I must've cried off and on for 2 weeks. I swear I kept "seeing" her out of the corner of my eye for months. I decided I didn't want another pet right away and my asthma has cleared considerably, so we probably won't get another. I still think about her and miss her. The pain does go away with time.

    We do have a "rent-a-cat" every now and then when the BIL and wife go away. They leave their Bengal cat with us.

  10. #10
    TigerLily's Avatar
    TigerLily is offline Senior Member
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    Sep 2009
    metro Portland
    Primal Blueprint Expert Certification
    I SO know what you're going through, EvansMom! My cat, Piglet, that I'd had for 14 years was dying during Christmas and I had to put him down right after. Things got real bad there at the end. For a while after, my house seemed so EMPTY without him, even though I have other cats. It just wasn't the same. I am embarrassed to say that I bargained with God to please take these other cats if only I could have my #1 boy back. It's still so weird to be in the kitchen without him constantly underfoot and me shooing him away. He's come back to visit a couple of times now, and I wish he'd come back some more. I'm crying as I'm typing this. Sorry that I'm not very comforting to you, because I just don't have it to give right now, but I wanted to say that I definitely do understand how your heart is broken.
    "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." -- Hippocrates

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