So, after a VERYYYYY long hiatus, I am back!
The past few months have been a bit rough (few translating into 7... eeek). The abridged version goes something as so:
A fateful bowl of mac and cheese at 4 AM in the middle of September (and Day 21 of my Whole30) basically train-wrecked my eating. It wasn't like a one-night slip-off-the-wagon kind of thing, it resulted in a total dietary crash and burn - I become a carb and sugar-eating tornado, consuming every non-primal thing in my path (given my meteorology background the reference seemed appropriate lol). And for some reason, I didn't have to willpower to stop. It just kept going and going.
Needless to say, about 4 months of that with minimal moving around (I couldn't climb due to scheduling conflicts - due to one of my worst schedule plans EVER) and I put on weight. A lot of it. Like 60 lbs. It was like a cycle - eat crap, gain weight, feel like crap, eat more crap to attempt to feel better. And it went on and on. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and just all around bad about myself.
So basically I'm back at square numero uno. I'm still the same person, there's just lots of room for improvement - health-wise, strength-wise, etc. I have insecurity issues that I need to get over (no one gains close to 65% of their previous body weight without some late-night emotional meltdowns) and learn to see myself for who I am now and not who I was.
I turned 21 over the weekend and I promised myself that I would stop hiding from you lovely people, because there's no way in hell I can do this alone - I've tried multiple times and haven't gotten anywhere. I'm kind of on the other side of where I was before - the recipient of advice and encouragement - as I try and get my ass back to where I'm happy and can look in a mirror without hiding behind someone or bursting into tears.
Anyways, it feels good to be back, and happy grokking!