I think what it comes down to is to stop looking at things as 'deviating from primal'. Primal is a brand word, and imo not at all helpful to people with their goals. Oh damn, i didn't do his 'primally', i 'had a non-primal' day. It only reinforces our incessant reliance on all structures and constructs, and to punish ourselves when we deviate from said structures.
3-6 glasses of wine a week? Geez, don't sweat it. That's nothing. Make sure it's top quality wine though No point drinking the cheap shit.
Coffee? I know it's addictive(although you drink decaf), but really a decaf latte, although i wouldn't drink that stuff, is nothing to feel guilty about. Honestly. That said it depends on the milk. Homogenized, pasteurised milk is junk whatever way you swing it. IMO you are better off with real, caffeinated coffee and a little bit of cream every morning(again, this will not make you cancerous), but do what you want.
Forget the concepts of diet, adherence and strictness. You've done your 30 days, and helped your body along the way. Some wine and coffee during the week will not negate that. Not even a peanut butter sandwhich a week will. Nor a bowl of pasta a week.
With that said, i do find the 80/20 rule a bit idiotic. If one is commited to health, then the 20% rule is just an emotional crutch, IMO. THAT is the mentality that turns 'Primal'(i HATE that word) into a diet and not just a natural part of our lives. ''Yeah i'm committed to health but i'll be damned if i can't have my brownies and coca cola''. It's a bit weak imo. 20% in context is not so much, but it is a cosy escape route.
Fuck percentages and rules imo. If you're at a party and someone offers you a cake just eat and not freak out, and enjoy it. But i personally would not SEEK this type of food as part of a regimen. It's not healthy, pyschologically speaking.