In Fear of Food page

[runnergal]

I left CW for PB relieved that I never had to eat dry toast without butter or the sawdust known as a boneless skinless chicken breast again. Butter, bacon and red meat were back on the list. Of course from that I learned to fear grains and legumes and heating olive oil beyond room temperature.

But, I've been reading the forums and so now I know that I have to fear:
fruit and tubers (because I have to keep my carbs below 20)
nightshades (I'm a little unclear as to why but I may or may not have an autoimmune disease)
eggs (depression)
nuts (they are poisonous I tell you, POISONOUS)
dairy (oh bye bye butter)
coffee
salt
bacon (wait...I just got you back!)
eating in a window larger than 4 hours a day (I did read on the forum that EVERYONE should limit their eating to a 4-6 hour window)

So I settled down to my big ass salad (minus the carrots, peppers, tomatoes and flavor) with a 3 lb steak on top and continued to read.

Oh shit, avocados are too high in omega 6 so despite the fact that coconut oil makes me sick, I tried to pour coconut oil on my big ass salad. It formed an interesting waxy coating and made me feel like I was eating suntan lotion, but all in the name of health.

But then I started considering my meat. I mean whole foods SAID it was grass fed, but how do I know? I didnt see the cow's home. I decided I was best off learning to hunt.

After some trial and error and brushes with the licensing laws of various type of hunting implements I settled down to my salad with venison and suntan lotion

And then I thought. I had to turn down my place in the CSA run by my best friend because now the only veggies I could eat were lettuce, spinach, zucchini and cucumbers - everything else was either a nightshade, a grain, a legume or a tuber or a high carb winter squash. But while hanging out on her farm I heard her talk about her deer problems. See, the wild deer were wandering on to the farms and eating produce. And perhaps not just veggies. Wheat, oats and corn were being damaged as well. Maybe by deer.

Oh shit....what if the deer I shot had wandered into a field somewhere and eaten some wheat? One mouthful of wheat would render the omega3: omega6 balance useless! Best to stick with fish on my salad. BUT who knows what the HELL is in that store bought so called wild fish. Probably just farm raised toxic omega 3 free fish.

So I bought a boat and some fishing gear (boy they werent kidding when they said PB was expensive) I caught some tuna but had to throw it back because of the mercury. And the toxic waste in the Columbia river made me leary of the salmon and trout I caught. Sardines. Sardines are tiny little fish so they dont have much time to absorb toxins. But by then I was told it was the wrong season to fish for sardines myself. And the fact that I was out of vacation time to travel to the ocean. So I set out to buy some canned sardines.

But then I read about BPA lining in canned foods and decided that wasnt safe. Who needs all those estrogen precursors.

So...in true grok fashion I decided the only truly safe form of protein were the insects. Harder to catch in suburbia than you might think. At least I have my many hours of low level exercise down. (which was a relief because 2 weeks ago on one of my runs my HR slipped up to 76% and I have been afraid to run ever since)

But then I realized the grubs were mostly feeding on grass roots and other pesticide laden things in suburbia.

Damn.

So as I sit down to my lettuce, zucchini, cucumber and suntan lotion salad, I now under stand why some folks find it easy to eat only once a day. My hair is falling out but that's ok because then I wont need shampoo.

[canio6]

LMFAO. Thank you. I needed that.

[tarek]

nightshades (I'm a little unclear as to why but I may or may not have an autoimmune disease)

Lmao.

[MountainDew]

MountainDew likes this.

[bokbadok]

:applause:

[ErinC]

*slow clap standing ovation*

[huntergirlhayden]

Awesome, truly epic!

[naiadknight]

NICE, m'lady. I bow in your general direction.

[localad]

Runnergal I luv u, x.

[jspradley]

Suicide is the only choice now. lol