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Thread: The Sandwich is Back, and He's Pretty Pissed Off. Primal 5 Minute Sandwich Time! page

  1. #1
    Rivvin's Avatar
    Rivvin is offline Senior Member
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    The Sandwich is Back, and He's Pretty Pissed Off. Primal 5 Minute Sandwich Time!

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    I know you are asking yourself why the sandwich is mad. He's such a nice guy who has done so much for all of us at some point in our lives, how could he be mad at us? If it wasn't for him, we'd never have survived grade school. If it wasn't for the sandwich, construction workers everywhere would die of starvation. How could something so magnificent turn against us? Well, you assholes replaced him with some shitty cabbage and lettuce and wrapped your crap up in a green shroud of misery and tastelessness that completely defies everything sandwich has tried to give us.

    How can we redeem ourselves? By making a goddamn sandwich, and here's how.



    The Bread
    It's the staff of life... you best respect or step off, bitch.

    Your Hardware:
    A square or round glass container roughly the size of bread with a flat bottom.

    Your Software:
    1/4th cup flax meal or almond meal (they are both delicious)
    2 tbsp fat (coconut oil or butter)
    1 tsp baking powder
    1 egg
    100% of your respect for the sandwich!

    Mix all of that together very well and then pour it in your container. Microwave it for 1 minute 20 seconds. Congratulations, you just made some bread. Now pop it out of the container and onto a plate and let it cool off and firm up a bit.

    Guess what retard, this isn't a deconstructed sandwich topped with foi gras foam and molecular gastronomy bullshit, so you are gonna need another piece of bread. Do what you just did again.

    Put something between the bread. I don't care what you put between there, but it's not a sandwich unless it has something meaty inside. I chose a grilled chicken breast, spinach, spicy mustard, and some onion. If you make this without meat I hope you die.



    "WAIT A SECOND RIVVIN!" I know, I hear can you yelling that in your head. You want to know how I have such delicious crispy chips sitting next to that beautiful beast of bread and breast (chicken, that is).

    Stupid Simple Chips
    It's all that and a bag of chips. The 90's called, they want their tagline back.

    Your Hardware:
    A Knife

    Your Software:
    Some Parmesan (a block of the good stuff, don't use pre-shredded kraft krap)

    Slice the Parmesan thin and put it on a plate. Microwave the slices for 1 minute. Give them a minute to harden. Chips are made.



    It is my fervent desire that you have learned to respect that which is known as the sandwich by my frivolous use of profanity and unnecessary verbiage. If you use some already prepared meat, this thing can be thrown together in 5 minutes or less. You can flavor the bread with spices, you can switch to almond meal if you want something different, and there are literally a million different sandwich combinations out there.


    Sincerely,
    Rivvin. The King of Bachelor Cooking.
    Last edited by Rivvin; 02-10-2011 at 06:16 PM.

  2. #2
    Grumpycakes's Avatar
    Grumpycakes is offline Senior Member
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    You're an interesting fellow.
    You lousy kids! Get off my savannah!

  3. #3
    Rivvin's Avatar
    Rivvin is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpy Caveman View Post
    You're an interesting fellow.
    I do my best.

  4. #4
    kiwineil's Avatar
    kiwineil is offline Senior Member
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    yr best is clearly good enough

  5. #5
    Mandolin's Avatar
    Mandolin is offline Senior Member
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    Geesh, I'm kinda scared to ask a question, but...what if I don't have a microwave? Will this turn out if I throw it in the oven? Oh shit, that was 2 questions...I'm gonna go hide now.

    One more thing...the meanwich looks yum.
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  6. #6
    bokbadok's Avatar
    bokbadok is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rivvin View Post
    that beautiful beast of bread and breast
    :giggle:

    Looks yummy!

    p.s. - I caught the satire.

  7. #7
    nopie's Avatar
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    I have no words.

    *bows with respect to the sandwich and rivvin*

  8. #8
    O_O's Avatar
    O_O
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    And I thought I was the only one who didn't have a microwave.

  9. #9
    Rivvin's Avatar
    Rivvin is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandolin View Post
    Geesh, I'm kinda scared to ask a question, but...what if I don't have a microwave? Will this turn out if I throw it in the oven? Oh shit, that was 2 questions...I'm gonna go hide now.

    One more thing...the meanwich looks yum.
    It will work in the oven, it's just going to take longer. Just keep your eye on it till it stop rising and that mean's the bread's done. Melt the parm on some parchment paper until it turns brown on the edges.

  10. #10
    Dr. Bork Bork's Avatar
    Dr. Bork Bork is offline Senior Member
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    You crack me up, Riv. Thanks for these recipes! Planning on sending the hubs off to work with your opus. He is having a hard time giving up his mistress, Sara Lee
    --Trish (Bork)
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