02-14-2011, 08:08 AM
I'm glad that site is working for you, i skimmed through it in anticipation and was shocked, "sexy move, break her out of mom mode" isn't about helping her feel like the sexy beast she is, but rather asking her to manage her time differently. And "destabilizing your relationship for fun and pussy" seems like a really immature move. While i think the sex rank thing factors into a relationship, i really don't think it is the end-all-be-all. he makes it sounds like the only reason men get married is to get laid (how's that working out?!) Maybe i'm naive... It sounds like this author has dated some pretty selfish and shallow women (or is selfish and shallow himself), and is using this experience to give advice. anyway, just sayin' it might not be for everyone. but if it's working for you, more power to you.
Originally Posted by zoebird
though, i did like this article.
Last edited by Saoirse; 02-14-2011 at 08:46 AM.
02-14-2011, 08:17 AM
Not an issue for me. The kayak can stretch so for some that is very doable.
Originally Posted by Grizz
02-14-2011, 10:24 AM
this talk about size reminds me of a funny animated series (NOT SAFE FOR WORK):
The first "episode" is the most relevant, but they are all funny.
02-14-2011, 11:18 AM
Cursed work computers!!!!! Have to check that out at home. GRRRRRRRRR
02-14-2011, 11:19 AM
in regards to very large rudders, i would point out what a large-rudder-ed friend of mine once told me (honestly, he told me a lot of things. he's a cool guy.): it's usually just about the same length both soft and hard, it's just pointing a different direction. he said this is apparently common among larger rudder-ed men. he did a lot of study on it -- in general -- because he knows that size matters to other males (as a comparison game), but what he didn't know was how to use it so that girls *actually* liked it during kayaking (eg, that it was "useful"). he said that most women seemed afraid of it, the way naiad responded. so, he needed to really learn how to take care of women in the process, so they would be less afraid, and ultimately, he found a partner that is a "good fit" for kayaking.
second, on the communication thing, i can understand that in the moment, it's not fun to bounce back up to your head and start talking. i only do that *during* when i'm annoyed, because when i'm annoyed, i can't get out of my head. but when i'm enjoying, i'm just enjoying, and if i were to then come back to my head to analyze "i am enjoying" and form a sentence of "i enjoy going fun sunlight." it's not going to make much sense and THEN i also stop not enjoying because i've just moved away from the present aspect of what i was doing. BUt, two days later when making a BAS, i can be all "oh yeah, you know that thing you did two days ago? I enjoyed it. Oh, and i Think i need more vitamin D."
so, don't get too harsh on her. you try to have an orgasm and form a sentence at the same time, and see how that goes. LOL
02-14-2011, 11:30 AM
I definitely agree with you on both parts. Men with larger rudders definitely need to know what they are doing with their rudders. Some women love a larger rudder, others are scared to death of them. Also don't expect a woman to talk much about what she likes when she's in the moment. It won't make any sense to anyone.
Originally Posted by zoebird
02-14-2011, 11:43 AM
i think the language is really off-putting, but the information (feels/seems) really sound. with the blog, he talks a lot about alpha traits (which is sparking and keeping the interest of your partner) and the beta traits (forming the relationship with the partner over the long term). he uses a lot of humor in his blogs, and explains things in an accessible way.
the thing that -- for me -- is confusing about reading the blog is the underlying assumption that *he* wants more sex and *she* is "withholding" it. in our case, we both want more sex, but he isn't acting on it; and when i work to make things happen, 9 times out of 10, i get rejected.
one of the other underlying assumptions -- which is i think about intended audience -- is that he assumes he's dealing with a guy who is whining and yet isn't "healthy." by that i mean that he's the guy who isn't doing much around the house, isn't doing much as a father (if they have children), and has become physically unhealthy, and also spends more time playing video games or being juvenile in some other ways. This is not to say that male interests like playing video games are a problem, but when they are uncontained (eg, he comes home from work, strips to his undies, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor, grabs a couple of beers and sits in front of the TV for the next 4 hrs), then it *isn't* all that attractive. and that's what the destabilizing article is really about. And then, he says -- it's serious business. if you make yourself better, your partner *still* may not respond. and if s/he doesn't, then you need to consider oyur options, and if you do walk away, you're in a better position to get a better partner for you.
it is a serious business.
i suppose this is apologetics, but i'm just going over what's resonating with me, too, and what i'm learning.
also, he has a lot that sort of "riffs" on some evolutionary biology sort-of things. the same way we have "grok" he has "Throg." it's interesting. it's a fictionalized take on the process, but it did provide some good insight.
For me, the Shade language is *really* hard to swallow and far more "immature" IMO. but, i still think it has pragmatic applications, and we need some pragmatic around here. DH can really get stuck in his head and use that to "fake" taking action instead of ACTUALLY taking action. long-standing defense mechanism. go figure.
02-14-2011, 02:21 PM
I feel bad reading through all your stories and not contributing so...
Don't forget that birth control can also affect (effect?) sex drive. After our first child was born, my wife had an IUD put in. She was on the pill before we started trying to conceive. After baby, her sex drive was almost non-existent. We had sex, but for her it was just going through the motions. For a while we both put the lack of desire up to being a new mommy and breast feeding. My son is now 16 months old and has been weaned for 4 months. We finally had a heart to heart a month or so ago and she admitted that she wasn't getting anything out of it. I started doing research, and found that IUD's can cause inflammation, lack of desire, reduced feeling, etc.
Her lack of desire was creating some feelings of inadequacy in me. Like "Not only can I not please my wife, she doesn't even want me to try." I shared that with her, and she said that she wanted to want to have sex. That's when we decided to have the IUD removed and get away from hormonal birth control. We're both hoping that the libido issue will improve when she's off of hormones.
Anyone go through anything similar with birth control?
Last edited by BayouPrimal; 02-14-2011 at 02:36 PM.
02-14-2011, 02:56 PM
i would say, BP, that it is very common, and most women know nothing about it at all -- that it's happening that is. i never was on hormonal birth control (i did a half assed one month at 19) because it didn't feel right. later, when i learned FAM, i learned exactly how wrong it can be (not absolute, just saying).
i plan on getting an iud, but not one with hormones.
it might take her a few months for her hormones to get completely back to normal -- it certainly takes more than 4 months post weaning for a lot of women. it took me 14 months to get menses after the birth of my son, and while i'm still breast feeding (1-2 times a day; he's 2.5), i am noticing that my hormones are much more balanced (and i'm more amorous). we currently use FAM and barriers, but i'm interested in going with the copper IUD.
rest assured, i'll be watching myself closely in this matter.
but, your experience is not unusual, and it can get better.
02-14-2011, 03:35 PM
There is nothing worse than I guy who thinks you are going to have multiple orgasms just from the very sight of his rudder. He is such a stud he doesn't even need to try. On the other hand, when that tool is properly used and all the moving parts well lubricated, oooooh yeah. This is said as a 5'10" woman with an athletic build. Size can and does matter.
Originally Posted by geostump
Totally agree about communication, Grizz. Either get her to give you some pointers as you are just warming up or afterwards. In the moment, you need to just be in the moment.