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  1. #401
    cillakat's Avatar
    cillakat is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    While it doesn't start out sounding like a journal article, I promise that it actually is. Good read too.

    Social dominance and forceful submission fantasies: feminine pathology or power?
    http://www.people.ku.edu/~phawley/Pu...SR_%202009.pdf

    Here is a link to her website:
    http://www.psych.ku.edu/psych_people...a_Hawley.shtml
    Selected Publications
    Hawley, P.H., Stump, K.N., & Ratliff, J.M. (in press). Sidestepping the jingle fallacy: Bullying, aggression, and the importance of knowing the difference. In D. Espelage & S. Swearer, Bullying in American Schools (2e). Rutledge.

    Hawley, P.H., & Hensley, W.A. (in press). Social dominance and forceful submission fantasies: Feminine pathology or power? Journal of Sex Research.(available on JSR website).

    Hawley, P.H., Shorey, H.S., & Alderman, P.M. (in press). Attachment correlates of resource control strategies: Possible origins of social dominance and interpersonal power differentials. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

    Hawley, P.H., Little, T.D., & Card, N.A. (2008). The myth of the alpha male: A new look at dominance-related beliefs and behaviors among adolescent males and females. International Journal of Behavioral Development.

    Hawley, P.H., Little, T.D., & Rodkin, P. (2007). Aggression and Adaptation: The Bright Side to Bad Behavior. New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum.

    Hawley, P.H., Card, N., & Little, T.D. (2007). The allure of a mean friend: Relationship quality and processes of aggressive adolescents withprosocial skills. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 31, 22-32.

    Hawley, P.H. (2006). Evolution and personality: A new look at Machiavellianism. In D. Mroczek & T. Little (Eds.), Handbook of Personality Development. New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum.

    Hawley, P. H., Johnson, S. E., Mize, J. A., & McNamara, K. A. (2007). Physical attractiveness in preschoolers: Relationships with power, status, aggression and social skills. Journal of School Psychology, 45, 499-521.

    Hawley, P.H. (1999). The ontogenesis of social dominance: A strategy-based evolutionary perspective. Developmental Review, 19, 97-132.

  2. #402
    FairyRae's Avatar
    FairyRae is offline Senior Member
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    Just the title involving the words 'forceful submission fantasies' has me excited. I'm so into being ravished (and even tied up on special occasions mmmm!) Sometimes I need to remind him I need a good *shove-me-against-the-wall-and-take-me* kind of session. With the reminders, he's usually great about giving me what I need when I need it, but without he tends to be more gentle (at least during foreplay/making out--he tends to get just the right amount of rough during the actual kyaking). For us its about communicating about this stuff. I'm very fortunate he really hears what I'm asking for and delivers.
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  3. #403
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    And cillakat, your _Depression Free, Naturally_ rec for me has been fabulous. I've seen changes in my son that have been super positive (using the agressive/violent formula) and I tested low histamine--my supp protocol has absolutely impacted my libido and arousal, along with my general sense of well being, in a totally positive manner. Rockin'!! It's been a gradual process but a really cool one. I'm totally amino acid obsessed now...
    Last edited by FairyRae; 02-11-2011 at 01:55 PM.
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  4. #404
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    geostump is online now Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by FairyRae View Post
    Just the title involving the words 'forceful submission fantasies' has me excited. I'm so into being ravished (and even tied up on special occasions mmmm!) Sometimes I need to remind him I need a good *shove-me-against-the-wall-and-take-me* kind of session. With the reminders, he's usually great about giving me what I need when I need it, but without he tends to be more gentle (at least during foreplay/making out--he tends to get just the right amount of rough during the actual kyaking). For us its about communicating about this stuff. I'm very fortunate he really hears what I'm asking for and delivers.
    I totally want and need that but my husband never seems to want to try any of that. Not too sure if he's afraid of coming on too forcefully or what but I've everytime I've expressed that need, it doesn't happen.
    Georgette

  5. #405
    FairyRae's Avatar
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    This stuff is sooooo hard. My husband is VERY open sexually, and has always encouraged me to be, which is fortunate for me. Maybe trying to talk to him about something different he might like to try could open this topic up. My husband finds certain things extremely exciting that do almost nothing for me, but we work together, and because he's told me what he wants, I can do them for/with him and it becomes fun for me too because he's so excited about it (and he does the same for me). Maybe if you were both trying to be vulnerable with each other--each sharing one thing you might like to try, he'd be more open to it???
    My Before/After Pics
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  6. #406
    geostump's Avatar
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    We did that once a few years back and nothing ever took off with it. Maybe we'll have to try it again...
    Georgette

  7. #407
    Unamused Mouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NourishedEm View Post
    many ... love the idea of a man who will take charge in the bedroom and 'ravish' us.
    Honestly, I think everyone would want the one they love (or dig at the time) to be like this. Burning desire is what it is. When your partner could "eat you up" so to speak, and you feel the same way about them, then sparks are gonna fly.

  8. #408
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    that's fabulous.

    Dh and i are doing well. i read a fair bit of the david shade stuff, and i am really curious. it's way less clinical and way more practical than a lot of the other things i was finding. and Dh is looking at it, but kind of sees it as a joke. i understand that the language can be off-putting to him. now he's looking at a website about swords. *eyeroll*

    in his process, he's been involved in the men's movement for many years. he has been learning a lot about masculinity and things like "leading" and "having direction" and substance (please note that this is the mythopoetic men's movement, not to be confused with "promise keepers" or the men's rights movement). one of our practitioners gave him some work by David Deida, which speaks to the idea of leading. I pointed out that this is also Shade's primary point (once you get through a strong foundation for a relationship -- if that's what you want). Sure, some of the language is off-putting, but still -- the information looks pretty sound overall.

    our main issue is still about action. in a quiet moment after watching a movie and having a good steak, i mentioned that it's not just initiating sex, it's initiating every activity that gets me riled up. like, we talked about how i'd mentioned our issues -- repeatedly -- over 5 years ago, and *nothing* has changed. during the last two years, i was really fed up and just shut down -- focusing only on myself and my son and getting us moved. he says he "didn't feel welcome" during that time, and quite frankly, he wasn't. but moving on from that, we still have to deal with the original issue.

    we talked about Deida and Shade, and he said he would look into it. so, now i wait for him to act.
    I'm not familiar with Deida, and honestly, not all that much with Shade either, beyond the D-spot, but I think I know what you're getting at. I started reading this blog that I call the "married man sex blog", which talks about "Alpha males" vs. "Beta" males (Secret answer C: both is what you want), and I sent a bunch of stuff to dh from his blog. I don't agree with some of his stuff (esp about SAHMs), but enough of it that I think it's worth a look.

    http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

    I haven't checked it out in a while, and lookie! The first post currently is titled:" Sexy Move: Pretend To Hold Her Against Her Will"

    Hmmm.... One of my fantasies, too....

  9. #409
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    that is a fascinating article, ciliakat.

  10. #410
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    Paleobird Guest
    Boy, my net connection goes offline for a day and a half and you folks kayak into some very interesting waters.

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