02-07-2011, 09:54 AM
She's rarely ever home on the weekends. Funny thing is, we never go kayaking when she isn't around. I think having a daughter, you will find that up into a certain age, you can't make any suggestions to them on anything as they think they know better than you do(check out my journal and you'll see why). I never had to deal with sexually active parents growing up because mine weren't. After dad passed, my mom swore off men as useless tools and before he passed they hadn't had any relations after my conception(a lot of issues on both parts). I know my daughter has spoken with one of my sisters(the one who is the most open to discuss this with her) as my sister has told me. Problem is in my family once we tell someone something, it doesn't go to anyone else. We're really good at keeping secrets. Her friends are more open to tell me what she does than my own child is to tell me things she has done. I at least know that she has only kissed a boy. My other 2 daugthers are more open with me.
Originally Posted by Kelda
Last edited by geostump; 02-07-2011 at 11:31 AM.
02-07-2011, 11:05 AM
Haha, thanks for the advice, but I'm not getting any because my boyfriend lives in a different country. I'll be getting some this summer, we just have to wait several months between each visit.
Originally Posted by Grizz
02-07-2011, 12:02 PM
well, i would say that things are going really well over here. we've mostly been doing a fair bit of kayaking drills and reading kayaking manuals. lol!
we are actually doing a *lot* of good stuff here. foremost, not related to this, we are shoring up the last financial "leak" that we have, and working hard to build the business. we have a number of new corporate clients, and a lot of new walk-in clients for our various practitioners. our marketing is working. i know that -- for some people -- this *isn't* sexy, but let me be honest, i feel *really good* about this process and that, in turn, makes me feel powerful/empowered and *that* is sexy.
i've been spending the last two days researching this whole process and figuring it all out. i'm proud of myself. and, DH and i have spent a lot of time doing some creative work with our financial planning and business strategy, plus household planning, plus this, and -- well, there you are! we feel closer -- like a team again, and that helps.
02-07-2011, 12:15 PM
Maybe these would be considered sexual "hang ups", I'm not too sure. Like I've said before, when my mom would talk to me about sex, it was one time and it was "don't EVER do it". The only other talk I had was when I was 10, 3 days before my dad died and I think that one traumatized me. It was my oldest sister(at the time, she was 27) telling me about being raped and that all men were scum. She had just been dumped by her fiance' of 6 years. The year after my dad passed, both my mother and said sister listed above kept on telling me that "I was too fat to attract any man. They only like skinny girls" and "since you are fat, you are worthless". I took both statements to heart. Never dated anyone in my teen years. Didn't have my first kiss until I was almost 17 and lost my virginity in a drunken one night stand. I never wanted a relationship with anyone at that time due to what I was told by my mom and observed from my sisters. None of them had the best of relationships with the opposite sex. I never had a relationship with a man other than just sex with a man until I met my husband. I was his first(still not too sure if that was a good move on my part or not). Since I was the one who started the sexual side of our relationship with my husband, he looks at me as the more sexually aggressive one, where I am actually opposite. I have not started anything sexual between us for about the past year. We only have sex when he initiates anymore. I don't have the desire to start anything now.
02-07-2011, 12:51 PM
Georgette, what you described are certainly hangups. The words your sister and mother told you have been imprinted into your being. You can benefit from EFT, tapping on certain parts of your face and body as you say things like
"Even though I am fat and men don't want fat women, I deeply love and accept myself"
"even though I am fat and worthless, I deeply love and accept myself"
"Even though I am so angry at my family for shaming me, I deeply love and accept myself"
"even though I do not want sex with my husband, I deeply love and accept myself"
"I choose to feel beautiful and sexy"
"I choose to release my anger and guilt"
"I choose to forgive my sisters and mother because they were sick in the head and were only doing the best they knew how"
or whatever phrases bring forth the most emotional response from within. PLEASE check out www.eftuniverse.com and read the testimonials about recovering from abuse, because that is what happened to you, you were ABUSED. You can download a free PDF booklet that explains the tapping procedure and the setups and techniques that can help you. I am not an expert in this, but forum user Dragonfly has been an EFT practitioner for several years, and could probably give you more advice. Obviously, if you would rather hold on to your emotional pain, and suffer in your marriage, that is okay too. You have the power to change yourself, and no-one else. I feel deeply for you, and pray that you come to terms with your pain. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be whole and vital and to feel great about who you are, you deserve to be loved and to love yourself. You deserve to let go of the unhappy memories. You can even replace those memories with new ones, tap as you imagine your mother and sister telling you that you are beautiful and wonderful, and that any man would be blessed to have you in his life. The brain is such a powerful tool, and you can change it to suit your needs TODAY.
I am sending you love and prayers, Georgette, from the bottom of my heart. I hope it helps.
02-07-2011, 01:43 PM
Thanks Mrs. Toon
Originally Posted by MrsToon
Like you said the brain is a powerful tool. I would have forgotten about my mom and sister saying those things if one of my other sister's that this happened to hadn't of gone through something similar with mom and she mention it to me after mom died. Otherwise, it would have stayed buried back in the recesses of my mind maybe forever. She died 4 yrs ago. After some other things that occured with my sisters, I have chosen not to have a relationship with them. I see them once a year at Christmas and that is it.
You also have to choose whether you want to change or not. This is the hardest thing for me to do. I fight with this all the time. I have not said any of those things to my daughters as that is my choice. The other sister that this happened to has said the same or similar things to her daughters and that has been her choice. I have chosen not to say that to my girls strictly for the fact that I know what that has done to me. Maybe this is why I hold onto it. So I remember what not to be.
02-07-2011, 02:15 PM
You are obviously a wonderful, and caring mother. If you choose to release these negative memories and emotions abut sex, it does not mean you will suddenly want to start harping on your daughter. If you can clear your own sexual baggage, you may feel more ready to talk to your daughter about sex. Even if she thinks you are nuts, it is important that she knows you are there for her if/when she has questions. You need to be healthy in YOUR mind before you can help her to be healthy with HER sexuality, IMO. You don't want to inadvertently send her the message that men are scum or something, you know? You can still remember that being told you are worthless HURTS, without actually FEELING that same hurt all over again. You can even use tapping to help with talking to your daughter, like
"Even though my daughter thinks I am nuts . . ."
"Even though I am embarrassed to talk to my daughter about sex . . . "
"Even though I am afraid I might hurt my daughter the way my mother hurt me . . . ."
"I choose to talk to my daughter about sex, because I know that it will help her to make good decisions in the future"
" . . . Because she will know her mom loves and trusts her"
tap on these thoughts until your anxiety dissipates, then try approaching your daughter. Say "Listen honey, I know it may be weird to talk to your mom about sex, but this stuff is REALLY IMPORTANT and I want you to know, I love you more than anything and want you to stay safe and healthy, OK? I am always here for you if you have questions." She may roll her eyes and sigh, but it WILL stick with her, and help her to feel loved and protected by her mother. There is even something called "surrogate tapping" where you tap on behalf of someone else. You could imagine you are in your daughter's place and say
"Even though I have sexual feelings and am uncertain about them . . . "
"Even though it is awkward and embarrassing to talk to my mom about sex . . ."
"Even though it is weird to know that my parents have sex . . . "
it can help put you in her shoes and be more ready to deal with her emotions when you bring it up. It might be a good idea to take her on a special mom and daughter date, so you guys feel close and comfortable before you breach the subject, somewhere away from home so she can't just flee to her room and slam the door when you bring it up
I really hope I am not overstepping myself by making these suggestions. I am 26 and have no children of my own (yet!!). I have only recently discovered EFT, like within the past few days! But it has resonated with me strongly. I'm the kind of person that when I discover something that makes sense to me, I want to tell EVERYBODY about it, and have to not take it personally when they are not as enthusiastic as I am. You know what is best for you!
02-07-2011, 08:05 PM
I think you just feel all kinds of things more purely when you're healthy. It's like inflammation numbs you to things. Like, here's something funny I just found: I'd always heard that chocolate was an aphrodisiac. And I had always rolled my eyes at that before being primal. But now, omg. For some reason - seriously - I have to be careful with the good dark chocolate. Sometimes I feel like I've been given a female version of viagra, cuz the feeling sticks around sometimes longer than I want it to! It's pretty obvious it does something to me, and it did not before I ate primally (always been a fan of the dark stuff).
02-07-2011, 08:08 PM
I am so glad to know that I am not the only one this happens to.
Originally Posted by MaloryVon
02-07-2011, 08:14 PM
Originally Posted by hermanda
Originally Posted by Paleobird