Pretty much described him to a T Grizz. If I had health insurance I may try that but I don't even know if I would be willing to see one. I think that would be worse then seeing a marriage counselor. I'm actually afraid to tell him how bad it is for me.
i think it's important to be honest.
if it is really that bad for you, it's time to come up with a solution. that could take any number of forms.
if the relationship is worth saving (in your mind) then at this point, counseling may be the only way to do so. and, if you want to save it, you may have to do the leg work.
if you don't want to save it, then you need to start looking at that seriously and talking to him about it. if he wants to save it and you are willing, then he will get counseling and you will go with him and see what is what.
a friend of mine did this. she wanted to save her marriage, she told him how bad it was for her, she did all of the leg work of finding a counselor and making the appointments. he went to "humor" her figuring that she would "work through it and things will go back to normal." he wasn't listening, until the day she said "i want a divorce." she's happy now (and in a different relationship), and he's engaged to someone else, so there it is. people can and do move on too. they, though, didn't have any kids.
i think that your husband would not respond well to an open relaitonship.
I'm still on the fence either way. I don't see us doing any splitting until the youngest were to be out of the house and that's another 9 yrs down the line. We really truly get along great other than this one area. Like I've said, I've gotten used to things. I figure if he wants to change, he'll let me know.
[QUOTE=zoebird;327575]i think it's important to be honest.[QUOTE]
zoebird I'm glad you posted that ...
In the same spirit ...
geostump it seems to me that many of us have offered you advice over several different threads in a heart-felt and helpful manner. Use the option to look at all your posts in one place (if you click your avatar the option is there). Now, read through them one after another.
Now ask yourself 'do I really want change?' ... try reading The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. A short novel.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result ... face the sun and let the shadows fall behind you.
Seeking the natural way in a modern world ...
i think there's a big difference between what you are used to and what you truly want for yourself.
because of the move, work, and the baby, it has been difficult for us to even have the time to connect physically. add into that my husband's natural *density* for not picking up on a clear hint, and yeah, it's not aligning the way that i want.
*but* for me, this is something that we can talk about openly, and he's well aware that -- like grizz said -- he ain't got a clue. he also admits to not taking the time to learn things (even when i've asked) and he's also admitted that he's more likely to just let me take charge (his personality type/inertia stuff) and then "not worry about it." what he also recognized is that this is *unfair* because then -- again -- i'm making the majority of the decisions and taking most of the action and he gets to "relax and go along for the ride (of life, whatever aspect)."
we had a nice talk about it, but we also put some 'deadlines' in. first, kayaking at least once a week, even if one or both of us doesn't feel like it. now that DS is usually in bed by 7:30 (with rather rare exception), so we can have some time together. of course, the other agreement is that we will alternate who "plans" what to do -- so that he has to do some research and be romantic and stuff. i work hard for our "dates" but he rarely does, and those dates are duds, and i'm left really unhappy. and he's taking notice. so that is good. second, he's going back to the naturopath to get more insight about his health. part of this -- a suggestion from one of our healers -- is that he contains his obsessing about it to a particular time of day. he can plan, worry, kvetch, whine, and whatever else during that time, but no other time, and if it's not that time, i remind him that it's not time for that. so, he can work on his health without it becoming an issue. third, is that -- if things aren't improved in 3 months, we re-evaluate and if necessary, get help.
so, i feel good. we usually stick to plans well. he loves a plan and a routine. (i'm actually not naturally a planner, but i've become one).
PaleoBird,Originally Posted by PaleoBird
Wise words indeed ! However, it has been my experience that women will complain about how lousy their man is, but NEVER tell him a word or a clue.
Here is what I've noticed, just my 2 cents worth.
Women will say, Here's my THANG, You figure out what to do with it! Then they complain to their girlfriends when it goes poorly.
Women I've dated have consistently been silent about what they want. Even when I've asked them to tell me how best to give them an orgasm - - - SILENCE. I suspect they are ashamed to tell me what they want. So bottom line, they ALWAYS make me experiment and fumble around to discover what gets them off. Men just don't have a clue and we need our women to TELL US. Technique that works on one woman does not work so well on another. Some have G Spots, others don't. Some orgasm from intercourse, most won't. I think I still have scars on my back from a woman I was dating years ago. ( Oh, the Agony & Ecstasy. I can still feel those fingernails digging into my back )
I have only dated one woman who was willing to show me the best way to get her to orgasm. She masturbated for me and said,"See? THIS is how I like it."
IMO, all parents should teach their sons how to give a woman an orgasm, or it should be required in high school.
Last edited by Grizz; 02-03-2011 at 01:15 PM.