I would invite you to put the food down for a moment. Drink a little water. Wash your hands & face. Then ask yourself, without criticism, what can you do differently for Friday?
Journal on depression/anxiety
Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).
Considering the tragedy in Boston, my little foibles are meaningless. Prayers for the families of the victims.
About yesterday, My binge was only about 2 hrs long. I ate 1 large bag of bbq potato chips, 1 pint of ice cream and a 2 cup serving of cereal and milk before I stopped due to extreme fullness. The question is whether I will eat well today or badly. I went to bed with the intention of getting up and going to school, but my sleep was very erratic and I had a panic attack in the middle of the night due to the sugar. These are terrifying. I wake with my heart pounding and when I jump out of bed, I can't walk because my entire body is numb. Then I get the sense of impending doom, as if I am dying.
So, today I will stay home and try to get my head on straight. Unfortunately, I have now mentally gone the other direction. (Telling myself I am an idiot who has no talent.)
The truth is that I tried to go swim in a big pond and got knocked out by professionals. There is no shame in that. I just need to be less naive. I have not paid for professional voice and acting lessons. I do not have a lot of audition experience, so the fear gets to me. The thing that hurts is that I did not see it coming.
Today, I will watch Hairspray, prepare my acting resume / head shot (odd that GSP wants one and RPA did not) and work on an audition song. I was very prepared for the audition yesterday. I knew all of my character's songs and had read the script, but they weeded us out with an obscure musical piece that we had to learn on the fly. Not my forte. I can be no more prepared than I was for J & H, but I can be less naive and guard my heart better.
about the bingeing.
But not about the audition. You're great(I've seen the clips). There is no shame if someone else is better or more what the director wants. And the only way you get better is by getting out there and DOING it. Which you are.
Emotions rise up and get us, but I'm glad it passed quickly and you are back on track.
Today you will eat well. You will cosset your body (bath? manicure? massage? facial? long slow walk? some crazy nude dancing and singing?) and be feeling great by the afternoon.
“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
― Michael Jordan
P - take care of yourself today.
I think, on a positive note, that it's pretty darned awesome that you got invited for a call back. If most of the ladies were pretty much professional, the fact that you got invited back is a sign about just how much raw talent you have!
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What am I doing? Depends on the day.