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Thread: The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 494

  1. #4931
    Pebbles67's Avatar
    Pebbles67 is online now Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    Thanks as usual for the advice.

    I should not have written the above. I must be crazy. My husband came home all sweet and loving. No clue that his wife is trashing him on her journal. Maybe it's just me.

    Sorry, Everyone.

  2. #4932
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    it is safer to let it out than to keep it in, even if it is just a burst of irritation that passes before we all finish giving our advice. You should not apologize for what you write in your journal.

    Now, I know that you case and my case re: Dh is different. But, for me when I start to notice on his less than stellar traits I tend not to see his stellar traits, and it has a snowball effect. No one is perfect, so I try really hard to let go of those things that I can't change, and focus on the others. It is a learning and growing process. I have a long way to go.

    Having said that, you have to come to some agreement about your budget. It is a pretty simple math equation. Put it on paper and you both have to stick to it. Then no one is the bad guy, there is no good or bad there is just the math.

  3. #4933
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Pfft. Don't you dare apologize for having emotions and needs. One dose of love does NOT make up for multiple doses of "fuck you." This journal is here for you to be you, warts, anger and all. If you started being suspiciously perfect, I'd call you out on not letting your emotions out in a (relatively) healthy way. These are the letters you write and don't send. You need the release.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  4. #4934
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    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    Pfft. Don't you dare apologize for having emotions and needs. One dose of love does NOT make up for multiple doses of "fuck you." This journal is here for you to be you, warts, anger and all. If you started being suspiciously perfect, I'd call you out on not letting your emotions out in a (relatively) healthy way. These are the letters you write and don't send. You need the release.
    ^The force is strong with this one.
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

    What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony

  5. #4935
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    That's what we're here - friends. And, if it helps to vent it out here, and helps then with dealing with things at home, it is all for the better.

    I know this is going to be unpopular, and I hope you know that I mean it in the spirit of friendship, but like Canio said, the binges have got to be your first priority (which is probably somewhat food related and somewhat stress related -- not an easy "fix"). As an overweight person, who has had to deal with health-related things before the weight could even think about coming off (PCOS, gluten/dairy), I know how frustrating it is when it seems like everyone else just gets to focus on weight loss (and it just seems to melt off of them). But, if you don't address the underlying issues, the weight loss won't stick.

    I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day. Do you get tomorrow off?

  6. #4936
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    Pebbles67 is online now Senior Member
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    The "Sorry" was for the crudeness of the affair post. In reality, I know that like binging, cheating is a temporary high followed by disaster. Cheating killed my husband's first marriage. She cheated, then he cheated in retaliation.

    My husband is not an easy man to live with. When we met he was a forceful man with a sweet, romantic side. Now he is pushy, unforgiving, demanding and sometimes depressed and yet he sees nothing wrong with the way he is. And Romance, well for him these days, that equals sex. Good thing I am good at it and a good actress at times to boot. Thanks for understanding the vents. Sometimes I feel as if I am slowly dying inside. Getting it out helps.

    The budget thing is actually not bad. I say "we have X dollars for gas this week" and nothing else. He says OK. As long as I am clear, he doesn't spend. Right now our family of 5 $200 left to live on for a week and a half. Luckily I was able to shop for food.
    We are a month behind on our mortgage with other bills due in the next pay period. At least March has a fifth week, so an extra pay period. Maybe we'll get caught up then if we don't owe the gov't. too much.

    I will probably go back to HFLC tomorrow. Binging today (As if you all didn't know.)

  7. #4937
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    I don't think you should ever apologize for any content of a vent in your journal. If you need to get it out this is your space to vent it, crude or otherwise. No apologies necessary. Ever. Feeling a thing and working it out by talking through it on these 'pages' is not the same as doing... so no shame or guilt should be applicable.

    As far as diet and weight loss... I know I've said this in other places before, but I think more women should consider slow loss a success.
    And sometimes even consider a plateau or stall a success, particularly if it occurs in a time of stress. Because the scale isn't going UP, and you are setting a precedent with yourself and your body that you CAN maintain weight loss. An important lesson in itself IMO.

    I know we would all like to wake up in two or three months and look like bikini models or at our HSIS(?) weight... but seriously, we didn't get to where we are in a short period of time. The reality is that we spent years of our lives getting here... and it is going to take some extra time to undo what we have done. Extra time to deal with the emotional aspects. Extra time to allow skin to regain elasticity. Extra time for our bodies to stop rebelling against us, because at a biological level once fat is stored it likes to STAY stored. It's a process that takes time.

    There is a part of me that feels like many of the women that I see in many threads almost set themselves up for disappointment(and my heart goes out to them). Because I see them time after time being disappointed by "only" losing say 4 lbs in a month or some such, and that just isn't enough(remember 1-2lbs a week is considered healthy weight loss, more is not). Well. It's 4 lbs less! Relax. Stop chasing and worrying... it's less. And those pound will add up. They don't have to all add up at once. Especially if you know you are trying to deal with an emotional eating disorder on top of regular weight loss...
    Slow is good.

    Hugs.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  8. #4938
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    Hang in there. You know that everyone us (Dear Abbys that we may be) is here for you.

  9. #4939
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    I didn't want to swamp your journal, but I wrote something kind of for you in mine. It's something I've been thinking about recently and I think you might find it helpful/familiar, when you're in the right frame of mind.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  10. #4940
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    Thanks as usual for the advice.

    I should not have written the above. I must be crazy. My husband came home all sweet and loving. No clue that his wife is trashing him on her journal. Maybe it's just me.
    You get what you pay for so please take what I'm about to say with that in mind.

    Yes I have felt trapped. Yes I wanted my marriage to work. Yes I tried everything to help it succeed-- individual therapy, communication workshops, marriage counseling, journaling with him because he felt overwhelmed by how quickly I respond to things verbally, reading countless books.....

    Each time you have written something along the lines of "he came home all sweet and loving, maybe it's me" I have sat on my hands so I couldn't respond, as I see as not my place.

    However you asked about being trapped. So I decided to respond. My husband always got lovey dovey when he knew he was wrong. He knew if I returned his "mood" in kind he was safe and things were fine. Things never got resolved.

    If I didn't respond accordingly he would either get passive aggressive or ignore me. The light switch of emotions/behavior drove me crazy.

    So, given my situation, I think I can safely say NO it is not just you. I think it's the dance the two of you do. Maybe it's time to learn a new dance.

    And for what it's worth-- my husband ended up doing something I couldn't live with. We have been legally separated for almost 10 years. Not happy it didn't work. Thrilled to have my self worth back.

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