The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 481

[Pebbles67]

2 binges and one permissive eating day, but I'm right in the middle of it, so I can't tell how many more there will be. Yes, it is better and I could live with three binges a month, except that I will make no weightloss progress that way.

Here is the truth of the last two months so that you all understand why I downplay my January weight loss. I started EMF in early December at about 242. I was down to 235 on xmas eve. 8 Day holiday binge fest. Jan 1st 247.5 lbs. Got down to 233.
Jan. 12-15 binge, back up to 242. Clean until Feb 10. Got down to 228.8. Today 234.

It seems like a hopeless situation for weightloss, but at least I eat healthier most days of the month.

[geostump]

Funny, most of my upset is based on failing the EMF group and having to report a gain for the week on Friday. I don't even have any helpful observations to report about the changes I made to combat fatigue, because the binges started at the same time. I am probably feeling energetic today because I am high on sugar.

Paula, you haven't failed any of us. Hell, you're still an inspiration to all of us doing this. If it weren't for you starting this thread and WOE, I'd be in the same yo-yo hell I've been in all my life. So don't say its a "failure". You had a momentary lapse in judgement. This of this as trying to get away from *insert any guy here who could be a temptation* and you keep going back because you know that he is great, but you need to get away from him as the temptation can kill you. You can do this. Just take it one meal at a time. That is all you can do. You are fighting the good fight. Love ya!

[naiadknight]

Paula, I believe you're one of the main champions of primal for health, not just weight. Even if you do or don't need to lose weight (not up for discussion, your decision), you're in it for the long haul. Get healthy, get your brain and mind healthy, then worry about your body. No one's perfect. If you were, we likely wouldn't be friends because I'd call you a sham. You've come so far in such a short time. That's amazing in and of itself. You've only JUST found your key. You gotta grease the lock before it works all the time every time.

[geostump]

Paula, why should you feel like you are failing the EMF group? To me, it's encouraging to see people lead a journey that isn't perfect. Sometimes I get depressed reading Mark's Friday success stories. I swear to heavens everyone there gets to their goal in a matter of a few short months. Which, by the way, I totally celebrate...but, it's not me and I can't relate as well. I'm sometimes not sure I'll ever to get my goal weight. So, reading honest journeys of ups and downs, and coming back from the downs, there's a lot there and that's NOT a failure.

Thank you RMS, couldn't have said it better myself.

[Neanderthal Betty]

Beating yourself up over it, won't help at all (aaah if only I could take my own advice) people like us that deal with various forms of eating disorders, disordered eating, etc have a whole lot more to battle than just eating right and losing weight. A lot of it falls into a mental game as well.

Lets look at the positives:

You have decided to take on a healthier lifestyle

You've figured out how to eat healthy

You've figured out how to reduce your binge circles

You've gained quite a bit of self esteem and empowerment.

You still weigh less than from when you started.

(I'm sure you can add more)

It sounds to me like you are winning

And remember, you have to heal the inside before you can heal the outside

[demuralist]

2 binges and one permissive eating day, but I'm right in the middle of it, so I can't tell how many more there will be. Yes, it is better and I could live with three binges a month, except that I will make no weightloss progress that way.

Here is the truth of the last two months so that you all understand why I downplay my January weight loss. I started EMF in early December at about 242. I was down to 235 on xmas eve. 8 Day holiday binge fest. Jan 1st 247.5 lbs. Got down to 233.
Jan. 12-15 binge, back up to 242. Clean until Feb 10. Got down to 228.8. Today 234.

It seems like a hopeless situation for weightloss, but at least I eat healthier most days of the month.

Paula, maybe instead of focusing on the up side numbers you should be looking at the down side numbers, yes they are up and down but there is still a downward trend right? Maybe you need to graph your weights (especially if you are weighing daily) on graph paper that has very tiny squares. It will makes the fluctuations seem smaller and still show your downward trend. Cause isn't even 234 lower than you were all of last year?

[Pebbles67]

Thanks for all the cheerleading. I didn't mean to start something, again. (Geez, this journal must read like "Uh Oh!, Paula's is having a binge cycle again, Crap! Paula's husband is being an asshat again, Hurray! Paula is feeling sexy again and posting innappropriate shit...)

I am just beginning to accept that this is the way it is. Just accepting, Not trying to be negative and I will continue to fight the good fight.

NB, Thanks for the positives. Yes, things are certainly better than in 2010, but still not good enough for optimal health as I am facing a parental history of cancer, stroke/aneurysm, heart disease, diabetes etc plus my own clotting disorder.

Chris, 230 was my average wt for last year. High 248 Low 213.

[namelesswonder]

We just love you and want to make sure you are bombarded by care & affection just in case you need it .

[demuralist]

well, rats, nevermind

[Pebbles67]

well, rats, nevermind

However, there is a downward trend right now, as long as this binge doesn't last much longer.