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Thread: The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 475

  1. #4741
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    Sabine - Luckily, the story only encompasses the two weeks around my Mother's illness. He does not mention the lack of satisfaction etc. lol. I'm not sure someone else reading the story would get such a negative vibe.

    Karin - He is 53 and when hospitals see that on his resume plus lack of hospital nursing experience, they balk. He finally admitted that his age was a factor in his not getting a hospital job. He tried for hospital jobs just after graduation in 2010. He had one lined up, but it fell through. Couldn't find others. He applies for any hospital jobs that come up in our area.
    Last edited by Pebbles67; 02-11-2013 at 10:16 AM.

  2. #4742
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    Paula, what about the nursing shortage? I know he wants to be an ER nurse, but maybe just getting in the door would be a first step. Its better than continuing part time, yes?
    Karin


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  3. #4743
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sabine View Post
    This is rough. I'm sorry your streak ended, but still very impressed that you made it through your period with no binges. That's a great victory.

    A husband-binge, that's harder to guard against. I don't know what I would do in a situation like yours, but I know what I want to do to your husband, that's for sure. Grrr. It does not sound like he was using his nice-human behavior last night. We're often told we have to be responsible for our own emotions and behavior, but it can be hard to manage when someone is attacking us like that. (yes, attacks. I count five : saying he should go alone, food sabotage, expectation of 'obedience', abandonment, mis-placed affection to control).

    Perhaps a binge was the only form of self-defense possible last night, but I hope it gets better/easier today. Thinking of you, Pebbles.
    I think maybe this binge was your subconscious way of regaining control over the situation at hand? You had to have felt helpless with him giving you instructions, choosing the dinner, and then leaving you abandoned at the party...


    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    However, I would let him know in no-uncertain terms that you are his wife, the mother of his children, and for much of your marriage the reason he has food to eat and a roof over his head. Given all of that you expect to be respected, treated well, and given your due - your due being that he is proud of what you have done not nursing some grudge like a 3 year old.

    F*cking asshat husbands making us all look bad.
    ^this

    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    vent truncated
    I'm glad you got that out and I'm sorry he is being so... I can't even think of the word I want to use here... about the situation and how he worded it. He is obviously trying to make himself look like a prince for taking care of your mom, but he left out some vital information that would completely change the frame of the story. I'm sorry he's being like that.


    Quote Originally Posted by demuralist View Post
    I did not mean to bring on a rant, although I definitely think it has merit (both the content and emotion). and man do I feel your frustration having read the paper and really having no way to give your counter point. (Although you could do your own creative writing assignment and ask him to edit it).
    ^this!!! I LOVE THIS!


    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    Karin - He is 53 and when hospitals see that on his resume plus lack of hospital nursing experience, they balk. He finally admitted that his age was a factor in his not getting a hospital job. He tried for hospital jobs just after graduation in 2010. He had one lined up, but it fell through. Couldn't find others. He applies for any hospital jobs that come up in our area.
    Why does he even put his age on his resume? My age is not on mine... They don't get that info until I'm in the interview, in which case they can only GUESS my age, and won't get the official age until I fill out the payroll information. It's none of their business how old I am and age has nothing to do with how well I would work for them, or how long... He needs to take his age off his resume. It does NOT speak to his abilities to do the job so it should not be considered - in fact, one could say it's age discrimination if they use that as a deciding factor.

    In Iowa, it is illegal for a potential employer to ask about age, family situation, marital status, or age of children, what happens if there is a family emergency (who will leave work), etc as that tends to change their impression of candidates and is a form of discrimination. Surely NY has something similar as I view NY to be way more progressive than Iowa.
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  4. #4744
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    Jen is right, there are some things an employer can not ask. I bet they can not ask age. There would be a discrimination case if they did!
    Karin


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  5. #4745
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    Quote Originally Posted by athomeontherange View Post
    Jen is right, there are some things an employer can not ask. I bet they can not ask age. There would be a discrimination case if they did!
    How does one disguise age at an interview? "Sorry but we have decided to go with someone else...."

  6. #4746
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    canio- When I was the boss, we were told there was quite a lot we could not ask in an interview-age was one. Yes, we could infer it, but it does not need to be stated. Basically, the key is getting an interview FIRST. Then you "sell yourself", show his passion for this job and why he chose it later in life. Being fairly new in the field, he can go in at entry pay. A foot in the door is a foot in the door. That is a benefit to hiring him. As for his age, yes it might be a problem but now-a-days, ain't nobody retiring soon! LOL
    Karin


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  7. #4747
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    Quote Originally Posted by athomeontherange View Post
    canio- When I was the boss, we were told there was quite a lot we could not ask in an interview-age was one. Yes, we could infer it, but it does not need to be stated. Basically, the key is getting an interview FIRST. Then you "sell yourself", show his passion for this job and why he chose it later in life. Being fairly new in the field, he can go in at entry pay. A foot in the door is a foot in the door. That is a benefit to hiring him. As for his age, yes it might be a problem but now-a-days, ain't nobody retiring soon! LOL

    I understand completely, I just find anti-discrimination laws amusing because unless the interviewer is an idiot they can find every reason to discriminate while making it look fair. I didn't get hired for a job once because I am a white man. I actually got the dude to admit it. It was awesome.

  8. #4748
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    your right it is tough to prove. It can be done though.

    P.S. Paula, I apologize if I am out of line. I wish I had some wisdom for you to make it all better.
    Karin


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  9. #4749
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    At about 9:30 this morning, Bill decided he couldn't safely get to his school for class. He looked at me and said "Wanna Take a Nap?" (wink, wink) My thought, "You have got to be kidding."

    I realized that as usual, he had no clue as to the depth of my upset over last night. To him, it all ended fine.

    Instead of fooling around, we talked. I expressed my fear that his perception of the last 10 years is different then mine and that I am afraid his bad opinion of me from that time will never go away. Then I defended myself by reminding him again of all the things I did right and I acknowledged that he saved my Mom's life and things would have been different without him. I said that I should not have been the editor on his story because it upset me.

    We went through last night step by step. I told him that It scared me when I heard him yelling at our 15 yr old and then growling at him menacingly as he had him in a headlock. I said that I wasn't sure I was even welcome to go last night. Then, even though we had a nice time, telling me how to behave, not introducing me and leaving me alone made me feel unwanted.

    He told me that he apologized to Michael last night and that he felt terrible about it. He said he was sorry about the issues at the party and that I should know by now that he often forgets to introduce people and it is just bad manners. He had hoped that saving me from the table and whisking me off to the dance floor was romantic enough to make up for it. (It was romantic.)

    He pointed out that he has fears and triggers that cause him to do things like remind me of the past, but that I also hold onto hang ups from the past. (True.)

    Finally, I told him that I know the past 10 years have been hard on him too, but that he has changed from a forceful man to an angry man and he needs to do something about it. I told him that I felt like a hypocrite saying it, but that I thought things would get better if he improved his health. He agreed and told me what he was working on.

    At that moment our 8 yr old knocked on the door and insisted upon watching a movie with us in our room. We both drifted off to sleep with our precious little man snuggled between us.

    At one point, He asked if I was happy or wanted someone else. I answered that I was mostly happy, but I wanted us both to be happy. I have no plans to leave this marriage and neither does he, so we just have to hammer it out.
    Last edited by Pebbles67; 02-11-2013 at 11:28 AM.

  10. #4750
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    Instead of fooling around, we talked.
    I'm glad you talked and got on the same page about these issues. Communication is vital, and sadly the last thing people do when they're upset. I often remind myself that I can't keep being mad at Brad for something if he doesn't know what he did wrong. Tell him is the first step to "getting over it". I hope this helps you and Bill get on a better path.
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