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Thread: The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 475

  1. #4741
    RMS123's Avatar
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    Glad that we are here and can provide a safe place for you to vent. It's important to get things out so that they don't implode. Always willing to listen. Wish I had more thoughtful and profound things to say. Instead, just know that I'm always here for you and to support you in whatever fashion you need.

  2. #4742
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mud Flinger View Post
    Your binge could be considered a carb refeed and actually help you if you keep on track today. Also, notice how your other symptoms are feeling today, which may be hard considering you are still so mad/ hurt. Track your energy levels and other symptoms throughout the day. Use this slip up to test whether increased carbs effect your symptoms and it will become something useful.

    I have noticed that your hubby often offers you ways to go astray when you have date nights. A few pages ago you posted that he offered your a favorite ice cream after a fun night out. I wonder if he is trying to sabotage you and then be able to say you failed. You know the whole crabs in a bucket thing is very real for most of society (except here where we all want to throw you out of the bucket so that you can help rescue the rest of us)!
    I have noticed this trend too and wonder about it. He may not realize he is doing it or it may be part of his insecurity.

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    It sounds like there is a lot that he is willfully not taking responsibility for, and trying to take the spotlight where he can. I have to admit, P, his version of what happened versus yours is kind of scary. It's not fair for him to hold your problems against you. It's okay to be angry at the unfairness, too. I hope you can find more ways to get this off your chest & get some help dealing with it. You may not be able to change him, but you can change yourself. Maybe there is something you can do to make it easier on yourself. You have to remember this his expressions do not really have any bearing on you.

    It seems like maybe he resents you for getting yourself together now. Maybe he wants to, but he is too depressed (guessing?). I have experienced that from myself and from friends, over the course of my attempts at recovery. [edit] After reading Mud Flinger's post, maybe that is why he is (consciously or not) seemingly trying to sabotage your attempts.
    .
    In the end, you live in New York. There is more than one hospital and I can not help but wonder how its YOUR fault he stepped on toes. He has outed himself at EVERY HOSPITAL?? Sounds like he is limiting himself in his quest for a job. This is not something to blame you for. This sounds like choice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    Sabotage - I am not sure if he is subconsciously (or consciously)trying to get me to fail or if he just doesn't understand that a little bit of wheat or sugar can set me off, especially in an emotional circumstance.

    The crazy thing is that (I think) my husband really loves me. He knows he could not do better, and we have built a good life.

    I know he feels like crap about himself. Although he has always been impatient and demanding, this angry, volatile man has only been around for about 6 years, corresponding to his own health deterioration.
    In the end, you can recognize how he determines his self worth but you can not change that. Only he can. I can not help but be affronted at how you are being treated. This may sound harsh and yes, I do not know know about marriage as I am not married however I have had BF's act the same way. They are told to just man-up. Maybe thats why I am still single *snort*

    Paula be good to yourself today!! HUGSSZ!
    Karin


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  3. #4743
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    Sabine - Luckily, the story only encompasses the two weeks around my Mother's illness. He does not mention the lack of satisfaction etc. lol. I'm not sure someone else reading the story would get such a negative vibe.

    Karin - He is 53 and when hospitals see that on his resume plus lack of hospital nursing experience, they balk. He finally admitted that his age was a factor in his not getting a hospital job. He tried for hospital jobs just after graduation in 2010. He had one lined up, but it fell through. Couldn't find others. He applies for any hospital jobs that come up in our area.
    Last edited by Pebbles67; 02-11-2013 at 09:16 AM.

  4. #4744
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    Paula, what about the nursing shortage? I know he wants to be an ER nurse, but maybe just getting in the door would be a first step. Its better than continuing part time, yes?
    Karin


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  5. #4745
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sabine View Post
    This is rough. I'm sorry your streak ended, but still very impressed that you made it through your period with no binges. That's a great victory.

    A husband-binge, that's harder to guard against. I don't know what I would do in a situation like yours, but I know what I want to do to your husband, that's for sure. Grrr. It does not sound like he was using his nice-human behavior last night. We're often told we have to be responsible for our own emotions and behavior, but it can be hard to manage when someone is attacking us like that. (yes, attacks. I count five : saying he should go alone, food sabotage, expectation of 'obedience', abandonment, mis-placed affection to control).

    Perhaps a binge was the only form of self-defense possible last night, but I hope it gets better/easier today. Thinking of you, Pebbles.
    I think maybe this binge was your subconscious way of regaining control over the situation at hand? You had to have felt helpless with him giving you instructions, choosing the dinner, and then leaving you abandoned at the party...


    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    However, I would let him know in no-uncertain terms that you are his wife, the mother of his children, and for much of your marriage the reason he has food to eat and a roof over his head. Given all of that you expect to be respected, treated well, and given your due - your due being that he is proud of what you have done not nursing some grudge like a 3 year old.

    F*cking asshat husbands making us all look bad.
    ^this

    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    vent truncated
    I'm glad you got that out and I'm sorry he is being so... I can't even think of the word I want to use here... about the situation and how he worded it. He is obviously trying to make himself look like a prince for taking care of your mom, but he left out some vital information that would completely change the frame of the story. I'm sorry he's being like that.


    Quote Originally Posted by demuralist View Post
    I did not mean to bring on a rant, although I definitely think it has merit (both the content and emotion). and man do I feel your frustration having read the paper and really having no way to give your counter point. (Although you could do your own creative writing assignment and ask him to edit it).
    ^this!!! I LOVE THIS!


    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    Karin - He is 53 and when hospitals see that on his resume plus lack of hospital nursing experience, they balk. He finally admitted that his age was a factor in his not getting a hospital job. He tried for hospital jobs just after graduation in 2010. He had one lined up, but it fell through. Couldn't find others. He applies for any hospital jobs that come up in our area.
    Why does he even put his age on his resume? My age is not on mine... They don't get that info until I'm in the interview, in which case they can only GUESS my age, and won't get the official age until I fill out the payroll information. It's none of their business how old I am and age has nothing to do with how well I would work for them, or how long... He needs to take his age off his resume. It does NOT speak to his abilities to do the job so it should not be considered - in fact, one could say it's age discrimination if they use that as a deciding factor.

    In Iowa, it is illegal for a potential employer to ask about age, family situation, marital status, or age of children, what happens if there is a family emergency (who will leave work), etc as that tends to change their impression of candidates and is a form of discrimination. Surely NY has something similar as I view NY to be way more progressive than Iowa.
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  6. #4746
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    Jen is right, there are some things an employer can not ask. I bet they can not ask age. There would be a discrimination case if they did!
    Karin


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  7. #4747
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    Quote Originally Posted by athomeontherange View Post
    Jen is right, there are some things an employer can not ask. I bet they can not ask age. There would be a discrimination case if they did!
    How does one disguise age at an interview? "Sorry but we have decided to go with someone else...."

  8. #4748
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    canio- When I was the boss, we were told there was quite a lot we could not ask in an interview-age was one. Yes, we could infer it, but it does not need to be stated. Basically, the key is getting an interview FIRST. Then you "sell yourself", show his passion for this job and why he chose it later in life. Being fairly new in the field, he can go in at entry pay. A foot in the door is a foot in the door. That is a benefit to hiring him. As for his age, yes it might be a problem but now-a-days, ain't nobody retiring soon! LOL
    Karin


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  9. #4749
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    Quote Originally Posted by athomeontherange View Post
    canio- When I was the boss, we were told there was quite a lot we could not ask in an interview-age was one. Yes, we could infer it, but it does not need to be stated. Basically, the key is getting an interview FIRST. Then you "sell yourself", show his passion for this job and why he chose it later in life. Being fairly new in the field, he can go in at entry pay. A foot in the door is a foot in the door. That is a benefit to hiring him. As for his age, yes it might be a problem but now-a-days, ain't nobody retiring soon! LOL

    I understand completely, I just find anti-discrimination laws amusing because unless the interviewer is an idiot they can find every reason to discriminate while making it look fair. I didn't get hired for a job once because I am a white man. I actually got the dude to admit it. It was awesome.

  10. #4750
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    your right it is tough to prove. It can be done though.

    P.S. Paula, I apologize if I am out of line. I wish I had some wisdom for you to make it all better.
    Karin


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