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Thread: The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 428

  1. #4271
    namelesswonder's Avatar
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    I have maybe 10 old handwritten journals, spanning anywhere around 15 years of my life so far. I read through a short one, once, and it was full of very depressing material. I was not in the right mindset to read it. I've read back through some old online journals (not here) from 9-10 years ago and felt enlightened for having read them. I'm not sure about any of the others. I think I'd like to see "where I came from", in terms of the way my depression progressed, but I'm also afraid of some of the more painful moments I might read about.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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    I have my old journals from middle school, high school, and early college. I generally only wrote in them after high school when the gonig got tough and I needed an outlet, before I found healthy ways to release before my breaking point. I've read through some of the old journals. I still can't read some of my darker entries without a trigger event, especially the ones around my almost suicide attempt. I see patterns, there and here. Those are usually the kick in the ass I need to get going on fixing something else.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  3. #4273
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    My journal made me angry FOR myself rather than AT myself. This is an important change in my attitude and has resulted in my determination to do whatever it takes to stop bingeing. That is my ultimate goal even if I eat this way forever and never reach my weight goals. At least I will be a healthy fat woman.

  4. #4274
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    My journal made me angry FOR myself rather than AT myself. This is an important change in my attitude and has resulted in my determination to do whatever it takes to stop bingeing. That is my ultimate goal even if I eat this way forever and never reach my weight goals. At least I will be a healthy fat woman.
    For and At, those are important distinctions. I think I could manage reading through some of those now. I know when I read through my old online journals, I was sad for my past self, but did not feel sad now. I know I need to be very far removed from events, from the passing of time, in order to read with a clear head.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    My journal made me angry FOR myself rather than AT myself. This is an important change in my attitude and has resulted in my determination to do whatever it takes to stop bingeing. That is my ultimate goal even if I eat this way forever and never reach my weight goals. At least I will be a healthy fat woman.
    This is very profound. You really have changed quite a bit by that statement. So very proud of you.

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    I got rid of my old journals, while it is possible I could learn something about myself, I was afraid that if I should die suddenly my children, husband, or parents might read them and it would definitely alter their perception in a negative way. Not worth the risk.

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    Quote Originally Posted by demuralist View Post
    I got rid of my old journals, while it is possible I could learn something about myself, I was afraid that if I should die suddenly my children, husband, or parents might read them and it would definitely alter their perception in a negative way. Not worth the risk.
    This is why I don't keep handwritten journals. I live in a very nosy house.

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    This is why I write everything in code. Code being my really crappy handwriting, which no one can decipher.
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

    What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony

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    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    This is why I write everything in code. Code being my really crappy handwriting, which no one can decipher.
    Me too! Maybe we both should've been doctors?

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    Yes, I see what you mean. Parts of my journal might shock some people. I guess I'll have to do my best not to die.

    This reminds me, not to be morbid, but I have often thought that I should leave instructions for my husband about getting word to this forum if I should die suddenly. You guys mean a lot to me, I would hate to just disappear.

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