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Thread: The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 407

  1. #4061
    tomi's Avatar
    tomi is offline Senior Member
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    I used to have the "if I lived alone I'd have no stress" thoughts too! My stress all went bye-bye when my step daughters moved out and took the stress with them! 10 years of marriage and the only fights between hubby and I were about his spoiled daughters! Once they moved out - no more fights! The past 16 months have been very peaceful in our home! Except for the rare occassion when an issue with one of the girls or the ex comes up again. He still has no concept of boundaries. But, I can live with the rare instances - its only about twice a year now.

    Sometimes you just have to stand back and let things play out the way they will. Unless the other parties involved are willing to take advice and constructive criticism there isn't much you can do. On the other hand......... sometimes you have to just take the bull by the horns! Thats what I had to do to save my marriage. I told hubby he was going to counseling with me or the marriage was OVER! The counselor helped him see how his lack of boundaries with his daughters was just as damaging to them as it was to our marriage. When he finally took a stand - the problems went away (cuz they moved out) Not saying you want anyone moving out............ just saying, you might need to be a bit forceful to get this resolved and find the peace in your home and the harmony in your family. A little family therapy is a good thing if you find the right therapist.
    Read post #2626
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    I'm doing this because I'm worth it - because I'm worthy - because I love myself.

    Goals: Healthy mind, healthy body, happy soul.

  2. #4062
    NZ primal Gwamma's Avatar
    NZ primal Gwamma is offline Senior Member
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    Pebbles, I went and slapped your wee goat in the middle of your journal without reading a thing.....and then I read the last few pages. I am in tears for you right now.
    These are hard times, but you will get through this come hell or high water. Firstly thou - you have got to keep strong and well. No point in you getting yourself so low that you are unable to function.
    Second - our eldest daughter was diagnosed with ADD at 14. From the age of 2 I would see the Doctor regularly, as I knew that something was just not right. Her inability to understand consequences amoung other things. My Doctor told me several times that I was just a bad mother. DH got a hold of that one, and hasn't ever let it go !!!!!
    Anyway when she went away to boarding school other people noticed her odd behaviour, she was referred to counselling, then a psychiatrist, etc.... She was put on ritalin, cos I didn't know any better, but as she got older was using it to keep her weight down. So I insisted that she wasn't prescribed any more.
    She is now 27, mother of two, and she worries me terribly at times. Her lack of concentration is appaulling, her demanding attention seeking behaviour frustrating, her inability to finish a task infuriating.
    Often ADD and AHDH go hand in hand with depression, which she suffers from. Also anxiety. She takes meds for both.
    Is your son on any anti anxiety or antidepresent meds ?
    Does he keep a diary - fantastic tool for our daughter
    Really prioritize what you are going to chip him on, and stress this to your DH too. You can't be constantly at ADDs, because they don't process half of what you tell them anyway !!!!
    A good psycologist will guide you through this trying time as well, but make it a family affair - because everyone needs to be on board.
    Our middle DD said to me recently that she used to get so upset because we spent so much time with our eldest DD. We weren't conscious of it at the time, but we ended up spending 80% of our time with 20% of our offspring !!!
    The other thing that I find now is sugar affects eldest DD severly. Does your son eat much sugar/processed food/carbs ???

    anyway Paula, we are all here for you.
    Take care
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  3. #4063
    Siobhan's Avatar
    Siobhan is offline Senior Member
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    Sonic is gorgeous! Can goats be house-trained? (NO!)
    My Primal Journal:

    "Freedom from fear" could be said to sum up the whole philosophy of human rights. - Dag Hammarskjold

  4. #4064
    Pebbles67's Avatar
    Pebbles67 is online now Senior Member
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    Mid-Hudson Valley New York
    My son has all of the problems that you describe above, NZ primal gwamma. He takes Concerta and is in therapy for depression and suicidal thoughts. We have been working daily on his planner and college applications which seems to have lifted a little of his and his father's anxiety. I talked to my son about sugar and gluten and how he needs to make better choices for himself. He seems interested until there are donuts available.

    Don't worry about posting the pic of my boy without reading. My Primal journal has documented some big ups and downs in my life including the loss of my Mother to cancer, but I do believe that things are changing for the better and I am getting a handle on things again.

    Tomi I believe that things will ease up immensely once the eldest graduates. He will have accomplished something and I think even Community College will open up a whole new world to him.

    Siobhan He slept in a dog pen in our basement the first winter with us. He was so tiny, we were afraid he would freeze to death. OMG the amount of poop that boy generated was amazing.
    Last edited by Pebbles67; 01-08-2013 at 06:25 AM.

  5. #4065
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    Pebbles67 is online now Senior Member
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    Oct 2010
    Mid-Hudson Valley New York
    EMF Report 1 week Total loss for 7 days is 12 lbs. Still 2 lbs up from xmas eve weight, so I haven't yet hit a "new low" on this program. The first Monday of every month is always a grueling day. I leave home at 7am and get back around 9pm. I was able to do more than just survive it...I kicked its' butt.

    Things are improving on the home front. My husband said to me yesterday, "I can tell when you are really solid on your program, you get this sexy glow."
    I wanted to state for the record that I usually vent about him when my hormones are raging during TTOM, so that makes everything feel worse.

    Yesterday at work, I received my first "Letter of Counsel" from the administration in 20 years of teaching. It's like a slap on the hand type reminder. My department as a whole is about a month late on some paperwork. There are many reasons why we are late, most out of our control. We will be writing a letter of rebuttal. We have to have the paperwork in by Thursday at 3pm. Yesteday, at our monthly world languages meeting we finalized the paperwork. I sent mine in first thing this morning. My, how things have changed. Just before break I was an "Outstanding Teacher" lol.
    Last edited by Pebbles67; 01-08-2013 at 07:55 AM.
    Paula Primal since 9/24/2010
    "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

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  6. #4066
    canio6's Avatar
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    12 pounds is great, and I am sure you are still an outstanding teacher.

  7. #4067
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is offline Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    12 pounds is great, and I am sure you are still an outstanding teacher.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  8. #4068
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    Saoirse is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    "that's nice, honey, go fuck a pine cone."
    oh lordy, I'm saving that one for later!!
    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    *vomits on all your lovey-doveyness*

    No, but seriously, you all are adorable.
    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    Geo, That is my fear. Even though he means well, there are things that once said can't be taken back.

    FW, thanks for the male perspective. There are lots of things in his life that are making him resentful.

    We had a talk tonight that did not go well. How could it? I am in that special time. Emotions are high and control low. He feels exasperated with our sons and feels like I don't support him. (And is overweight and feeling bad and doing nothing about it.)

    The argument was about whether Billy would be allowed to attend one of the 4 year SUNY schools if he gets in. Husband said "No I don't want to waste the money." I said that we should give Billy the chance, and told him to stop being so negative. Which went over badly. He often sets an ultimatum and we have to follow it, but not this time. If Billy gets into a 4 yr school, He is going if he wants to.

    Then I suggested that he might feel better about everything if he started taking care of himself....He said "You're the last person who should dictate to me" "You've been packing on the pounds lately." I said "So you are going to stay sick and unhappy because I haven't been successful?"

    Well, you can imagine the rest.

    My reaction to this type of marital strife has always been to eat, because F him the food is MINE.
    God please help me not to eat. I want to show him that I can do this. what a jerk. I know there are two sides to everything, but still. yay for weight reduction!!

  9. #4069
    athomeontherange's Avatar
    athomeontherange is offline Senior Member
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    Hang in there with the kiddo and the hubby. Each day is new and fresh (so say I with a challenging dd). Yeah for the loss!! Lets hear it for fat!! wait.. you know what I mean!

    You are still an outstanding teacher.. school politics and protocol can be aggravating.

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    What am I doing? Depends on the day.

  10. #4070
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi Paula. Finally caught up with your journal. Everyone was busy and chatty this weekend! Wow.

    Sorry to see all the negativity floating around DH recently. I can't remember - does he take medication for his anxiety?

    I hope things brighten up with your son as graduation nears and college becomes a greater beacon in his life. I wanted to do community college at first too b/c I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. After 2 years in college, I joined the army. During those 4 years, I changed my major 6 times. Did not graduate. During the 5th year, I did graduated from a community college with a law enforcement degree, with which I do absolutely nothing. Spent the next 4 years working for the Army, then finally went back to school, online, and got my bachelors in business. I still do nothing with my degree, but having it did land me this job. Now I'm almost done with my masters, but I have no experience to go with it, so I'm still not a marketable employee...

    Moral of the story, DO NOT FORCE your son to go to school if he is not ready. If he doesn't know what he wants to do, send him to a CC to get his general crap out of the way. Keep encouraging him to find what suits him, but don't force. If he joins the army, so be it... it's a great place for those who don't know what they want to be when they grow up...

    Anyhow, I hope your husband can come to terms with whatever is bothering him and can relax his pressure on your son. My parents were pressurers and it did me no good.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)

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