The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 405

[marcadav]

I will only tell you my experience. My father was extremely verbally abusive to me. He was also an alcoholic. The things he said to/about me were disgusting and imprinted on my psyche .

I went on to be the first person in my very large extended family to get a college degree. I did it on my own and with a great deal of obstacles put in my path by my parents-- they wouldn't fill out the FAFSA (I did it using tax returns I found). They charged me rent when I came home to work in the summer. They never paid one penny toward my degree. They made it clear I wouldn't finish college and that I didn't have what it took to be a teacher.

I proved them wrong.

Years later, after I had my children, I realized that while my dad was the active abuser, my mother played, what I saw as, a bigger abusive role. You see while my father, an alcoholic, was obviously abusive, my mother -sober- allowed me to be be abused time and time again.

It took years of therapy to get past what both my parents did. And, if I'm honest, I see my mom as more culpable. I forgave them but I can never get back the lack of love and support I know I deserved and was denied.

And, when it was revealed that my ex abused his privilege to be the father of our children it solidified my belief that our marriage wasn't working and it was over. Childhood traumas have a tendency to play out in our adult lives until they get resolved.

I know if your son wants a college education he will find a way to achieve it-- no matter the roadblocks.

[Pebbles67]

Thanks for sharing. I do not see my husband's actions as abusive. He truly wants what is best for Billy, but has an abrasive way of putting things. We talked again about the com college to 4yr school option. I can see his point and the cc in our town has both degree programs that Billy is interested in. I think that once B graduates, and has a definite plan, things will ease up between them.

As for what he said to me, well it is technically true and I was baiting him. The truth is, that he needs to make drastic health changes.
Billy also needs to take charge of his future a little. He, like many teens, would play computer games all day and do nothing else, if we let him.

[Pebbles67]

Starting Day 5 of HFLC. Hanging in there. Official 1st (partial) week weigh in is tomorrow morning. I switched from Fitday to My Fitness Pal because I have a droid app for it and they have cool tickers. Way more inspiring than a list of numbers.

[Sabine]

Thinking of you, Pebbles, and sending prayers your way for a calm, pleasant day.

[RMS123]

Hope you have a GREAT day!

[athomeontherange]

I hope today is a better day on the home front. I am thinking of you! I love the line from the movie Freaky Friday with Jamie Curtis " Have a good day!! Make good choices!!"

[tomi]

My 2 cents: often as parents we can feel really scared about the future of our kids - and not knowing how to handle it - we handle it poorly. Does Billy understand that his dad loves him, but isn't very good at handling the stressful stuff?

I like the suggestion by FW to try to help your husband see that there is a better approach than what is being done now.

Hope it all works out............ kids have a way of taking their life into their own hands and making a good go of it! I mean - look at all of us......... we all suffered at the hands of parents who didn't always do things right - and we're all doing pretty good.

[Ayla2010]

OMG Paula I finally finished reading your journal after 2 days.
What crazy times you have had.
Hows things with the bingeing? Has the hflc helped? I used to binge so so bad, I don't really know how it stopped, I was still doing it during the time of primal ups and downs. But I haven't binged for months. I wish I had the answer for you.
The Geneen Roth books helped a little (I think I remember you mentioning them).
But the high fat low carb has helped me to feel amazing. But I think we just have to take one day at a time hey.

[demuralist]

Paula, hope you had a good weigh in this morning, and if not that you don't let it determine your attitude for the rest of the day.

[RMS123]

Hope today is well! Thanks for all the notes in my journal yesterday