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Thread: The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 404

  1. #4031
    geostump's Avatar
    geostump is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finnegans Wake View Post
    You have to let hubby know that you understand how he feels but that there's a better way, and others have found it. Husbands often feel like a discussion is a confrontation, and that if you see things differently that you are accusing or criticizing. It's the whole male ego thing. We're supposed to be the fixers, so we tend to become field generals. Fine in war, not in real life situations.
    This is totally me. Sometimes conversations feel like they are accusatory so if he or even I are upset about something, I will do whatever it takes to avoid it. It's bad, but most of the time it is the only way that I can make it through situations
    Georgette

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    Paula, no great words of wisdom. Just thinking of you.
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  3. #4033
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    My mother basically asked my father to let her take care of the kids and he could take care of the house and the man stuff (he worked she didn't). When I was pregnant with my first, my mom told my DH that basically children are hard wired to eventually forgive their mothers (sorry Geo, I know this isn't always true, my mother is very polyanna) and not so much their fathers. So it would behoove him to let me do the discipline for the most part and he should handle the fun stuff, the serious stuff (money and advice on big decisions). Basically that is what we have done, worked pretty well for us. Maybe you could ask the hubby to let you take over for say 6 months. Or let him know that a parent has to say at least 5 (I think it is 5, it may actually be 9) positive things for every negative thing they say to their children. So if he feels compelled to say something to Billy about (ie.) his laundry. He now has to say at least 5 positive things before he can do another criticism. It would at least help him to see how very negative he has been.
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
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    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

    My "Program": doing my version of a 5:2 -2 day fast diet with real food every day

  4. #4034
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    I forgave my mom long ago for everything. The difference is, I can't forget and that is what kills me.
    Georgette

  5. #4035
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    Geo, That is my fear. Even though he means well, there are things that once said can't be taken back.

    FW, thanks for the male perspective. There are lots of things in his life that are making him resentful.

    We had a talk tonight that did not go well. How could it? I am in that special time. Emotions are high and control low. He feels exasperated with our sons and feels like I don't support him. (And is overweight and feeling bad and doing nothing about it.)

    The argument was about whether Billy would be allowed to attend one of the 4 year SUNY schools if he gets in. Husband said "No I don't want to waste the money." I said that we should give Billy the chance, and told him to stop being so negative. Which went over badly. He often sets an ultimatum and we have to follow it, but not this time. If Billy gets into a 4 yr school, He is going if he wants to.

    Then I suggested that he might feel better about everything if he started taking care of himself....He said "You're the last person who should dictate to me" "You've been packing on the pounds lately." I said "So you are going to stay sick and unhappy because I haven't been successful?"

    Well, you can imagine the rest.

    My reaction to this type of marital strife has always been to eat, because F him the food is MINE.
    God please help me not to eat. I want to show him that I can do this.

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    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    I'm about to take a road trip and whoop somebody's ass...

    Sorry, Paula, hubby was in the navy, so I's gotta beat up on you or Billy, but the intention was good...

  7. #4037
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    LOL, I think I'll leave that spammer right where he is.

  8. #4038
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    Thanks FW,

    I'm sure you guys would like my husband if you met him and might even understand his side of things. Thanks for listening, the truth is that I don't have any close friends that I can lay this stuff on. I either put it here or keep it stuffed inside.

  9. #4039
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    Excuse me, I need to round up a posse.
    *Aside* NM, FW, Canio, y'all in on this? */Aside*
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  10. #4040
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    I second everything that everyone else has said. Ultimately, the decision about your sons education is his. Your husband will come to terms with it, I just hope your son can prove him wrong. Love ya!
    Georgette

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