Page 403 of 1128 FirstFirst ... 303353393401402403404405413453503903 ... LastLast
Results 4,021 to 4,030 of 11278

Thread: The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 403

  1. #4021
    athomeontherange's Avatar
    athomeontherange is online now Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    7,426
    Primal Fuel
    Paula- My dd is ADHD but the main issue is her anxiety. It tends to be quite debilitating at times. She sees a counselor every 2 weeks. He helps her with so many issues and situations (even dealing with me I am sure).
    Karin


    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

    What am I doing? Depends on the day.

  2. #4022
    Pebbles67's Avatar
    Pebbles67 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Mid-Hudson Valley New York
    Posts
    8,989
    To answer Tomi's question, My MIL is Critical, Demanding and Controlling. Husband also has a short fuse and is slow to forgive like his Dad. (Funny thing, I love them both, but I did not grow up with them.) My husband was the son that did not go to college. He got his Associates and RN at age 50. He is not really a bad guy. I think being the "failure" in his family for so long was incredibly painful. He never learned to be merciful about other people's faults. He thinks the hard line approach works.

    Here is an excerpt from an email he sent me this morning...

    "I'm just done with his lying and blowing off responsibility, he is
    either going to end up in the military or living on his own or with
    room mates and not getting anywhere in life, it scares me and the
    problem is that I can't get my own life going because I'm so consumed
    over him."

    Funny Thing...My husband spent time in the Navy after HS.

  3. #4023
    honeybuns's Avatar
    honeybuns is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    2,289
    Paula, I have the mountain/molehill syndrome too. I find that it helps me to think of it in small pieces. For example, I CAN fold and put away five things. Gee, I can fold and put away five more. I don't know why I though I had to get everything folded before I could put it away. I use this approach with other things successfully as well.
    Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

  4. #4024
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is offline Moderator
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    MA, USA
    Posts
    12,015
    The Army (or whatever military branch is preferred) is not such a bad approach anyway. Boyfriend enrolled because he didn't see his life going anywhere. He started taking classes while he was still in. It helped him clean up a bit, despite being a college-like experience in some ways (partying, drinking, etc.). He got to interact with a lot more adults and see what his life could be like if he kept not taking care of himself. He followed orders because that is what you were supposed to do and learned a lot about respect. I think being friends with people from all kinds of situations and all ages gives a lot of perspective. You don't get quite the same experience in college, but it helps to branch out anyway.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  5. #4025
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Account closed
    Posts
    1,458
    Mrs. FW often gets the mountain-molehill thing. I try to just patiently walk her through going one step at a time and getting as much done as she can, and once she gets going she's fine. But it's that initial anxiety.

    Tell your husband to stop being a dick. All right, maybe more artfully. Don't accuse him of being negative, because that will just make him defensive and he'll just say he's doing what's right for Billy. But maybe use that old sales technique of feel, felt, found. I understand that you feel Billy is not doing [this, this, and this] and that it will hurt his chances for [success at college, etc.]. And there are millions of other parents who felt the same way whose kids were able to [turn it around, buckle down], and do you know why? Because they found that positive words and encouragement work better than self-fulfiling negative predictions. Because they found that asking questions and listening before passing judgment sometimes reveals hidden problems. Because threats don't work, incentives do. Kind of oversimplifying, but you get the idea.

    You have to let hubby know that you understand how he feels but that there's a better way, and others have found it. Husbands often feel like a discussion is a confrontation, and that if you see things differently that you are accusing or criticizing. It's the whole male ego thing. We're supposed to be the fixers, so we tend to become field generals. Fine in war, not in real life situations.

  6. #4026
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Account closed
    Posts
    1,458
    Interesting posts while I was typing. Just to add: if hubby feels like a failure because of what you've said, then that male ego defensiveness is dialed up to the max a lot of the time.

  7. #4027
    geostump's Avatar
    geostump is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Ohio, its not the heart of it all
    Posts
    9,849
    OMG, you're husband reminds me of my mother. Crap. I'm so sorry for you and the boys. I'm praying that something good comes out of this for Billy so he isn't as screwed up as I am. We know I still have issues from my mother like that to this day. When you quoted that email from your husband, it sent chills up my spine. I can still hear things like that from my mom in my head. Sad thing is that because of this, I still like a failure to this day.
    Georgette

  8. #4028
    geostump's Avatar
    geostump is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Ohio, its not the heart of it all
    Posts
    9,849
    Quote Originally Posted by Finnegans Wake View Post
    You have to let hubby know that you understand how he feels but that there's a better way, and others have found it. Husbands often feel like a discussion is a confrontation, and that if you see things differently that you are accusing or criticizing. It's the whole male ego thing. We're supposed to be the fixers, so we tend to become field generals. Fine in war, not in real life situations.
    This is totally me. Sometimes conversations feel like they are accusatory so if he or even I are upset about something, I will do whatever it takes to avoid it. It's bad, but most of the time it is the only way that I can make it through situations
    Georgette

  9. #4029
    RMS123's Avatar
    RMS123 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    New Mexico
    Posts
    3,663
    Paula, no great words of wisdom. Just thinking of you.
    -- Ruth

  10. #4030
    demuralist's Avatar
    demuralist is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    9,508
    My mother basically asked my father to let her take care of the kids and he could take care of the house and the man stuff (he worked she didn't). When I was pregnant with my first, my mom told my DH that basically children are hard wired to eventually forgive their mothers (sorry Geo, I know this isn't always true, my mother is very polyanna) and not so much their fathers. So it would behoove him to let me do the discipline for the most part and he should handle the fun stuff, the serious stuff (money and advice on big decisions). Basically that is what we have done, worked pretty well for us. Maybe you could ask the hubby to let you take over for say 6 months. Or let him know that a parent has to say at least 5 (I think it is 5, it may actually be 9) positive things for every negative thing they say to their children. So if he feels compelled to say something to Billy about (ie.) his laundry. He now has to say at least 5 positive things before he can do another criticism. It would at least help him to see how very negative he has been.
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
    Unknown

    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

    My "Program": doing my version of a 5:2 -2 day fast diet with real food every day

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •