Thoughts on Fear
Ever since my time in ICU back in October, I have been afraid. Afraid to die suddenly and leave my family, Afraid of my medication, Afraid that I might forget to take it. Afraid to push myself too hard in my quest to get healthy again. Afraid that at 43 it is too late to undo a lifetime's worth of damage.
Every time I get breathless or my heart pounds, I wonder if it is happening again. ( Even when I am at the gym where breathlessness and heart pounding is good) I have lost the trust I had in my body. It's like an enemy that I observe warily, waiting for the next attack. I wonder if anyone else here has ever felt this way?
Due to my fear, I have been avoiding Sprints. I knew that eventually I would have to get over this fear, so today I did a few sprints on the stationary bike. Guess what? I was breathless and my heart pounded...but I didn't keel over.
I felt insanely proud of myself. I also just finished my first week keeping carbs under 50.
I just have to keep going in spite of fear and hopefully, with time, I'll feel less afraid.