The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 4

[Pebbles67]

Today I did my "lift heavy things" workout fasted. I prepared for the workout by drinking a cup of boullion. Taubes recommends this in his new book as a way to avoid the exhaustion of carb flu. It seemed to work very well. I was hungry, but not weak as I had felt during previous fasted workouts.

[Pebbles67]

Thoughts on Fear

Ever since my time in ICU back in October, I have been afraid. Afraid to die suddenly and leave my family, Afraid of my medication, Afraid that I might forget to take it. Afraid to push myself too hard in my quest to get healthy again. Afraid that at 43 it is too late to undo a lifetime's worth of damage.

Every time I get breathless or my heart pounds, I wonder if it is happening again. ( Even when I am at the gym where breathlessness and heart pounding is good) I have lost the trust I had in my body. It's like an enemy that I observe warily, waiting for the next attack. I wonder if anyone else here has ever felt this way?

Due to my fear, I have been avoiding Sprints. I knew that eventually I would have to get over this fear, so today I did a few sprints on the stationary bike. Guess what? I was breathless and my heart pounded...but I didn't keel over.

I felt insanely proud of myself. I also just finished my first week keeping carbs under 50.

I just have to keep going in spite of fear and hopefully, with time, I'll feel less afraid.

[Pebbles67]

Saturday check in:

Weight: 250.4 -2.4

BF% 41.4 BMI 36.1 no change

Measurements: Waist 35 -.5, Hips 50 same, Bust 42 -1, Thighs 29 same, Arms 15 -1

Good changes this week! Total weight lost - 25.6. Total inches lost - 31

[Pebbles67]

I'm doing Whole 30 (28) for February with the challenge group here in the journals forum. This means I must cut out dairy and artificial sweeteners. By far the hardest thing will be to stop weighing and measuring myself. Sorry, no more Saturday check-ins until March.

[JenCat]

Thoughts on PMS Sorry to any guys reading this journal. I just want to talk about female hormones and how I sabotage myself on a monthy basis while under their influence.

I had three solid primal weeks in before last Saturday (1/15). I was feeling great, strong and confident that nothing was going to derail me. Unfortunately PMS snuck up on me, the symptoms of fatigue and irritability were so much better than usual. My only clue was feeling increased carb cravings that sadly coincided with a family birthday party. I ate some grains, confessed it here and figured I would be able to jump right back in.
It didn't happen. I had five days of evening binges after having perfectly clean mornings. Then, I ate carbs for a whole day straight. Now, if you have read my entire journal, you know how stupid this was. I sometimes feel like my hormones are dictating my life. Yes, I am making the choice to eat carbs. Some of you would say "Put on your big girl panties and tough it out"...and you would be right. This behavior makes me furious with myself.

Here's my plan: I posted above that I will cut my carbs to below 50. This is not necessary for everyone, but it does help me kill cravings. Yesterday was a clean under 50 carb day. I will supplement daily with L-glutamine powder for the same reason. I will make sure I am aware of the calendar, so that I can fight the PMS monster instead of feeding it.

Any other suggestions would be appreciated.

Hi, Pebbles.

Just catching up on your journal. I'm starting to think a lot about the hormonal aspects, as well. It's time to accept that we're at "that age" when things are starting to change. Yikes! I think we are already ahead of the game with the primal eating; I do think that will make the upcoming transitions easier. I'm just beginning to look into supplements and such and am far from jumping into anything. It's good to be prepared, though.

I minored in Spanish in college; never really got the speaking practice that I needed. In grad school, I used it TONS. My research was the sacred and liturgical music of 16th- and 17th-century Spain, so a lot of my sources were in Spanish. One day I was reading and, after 2 or 3 pages, I realized that the book was in Spanish. That was cool!

[Pebbles67]

Hi Jencat,

Thanks for reading.

It's funny how people don't realize the strange and wonderful ways one can use a second language. Just the other day, I was able to reply to a hello message from Turkey in the meet and greet forum using the little bit of Turkish I remember from when i lived there 25 years ago.

As to supplements, the ones I take do make a huge difference for me with female issues, cravings and carb flu. I take Evening Primrose oil, Potassium, Magnesium, vit D, and L-glutamine. I also take a multi, omega 3 and calcium.

[Pebbles67]

Wow this was a crazy week. I had four great days on whole 30. I immediately felt a difference in my body after dropping dairy and artificial sweeteners. I dropped some more weight, but can't tell how much because I am avoiding the scale and tape measure this month. I will put my new stats up on March 1st.

I have also been busy keeping up with the monster thread I started in Odds and Ends. "Feeling Sexy" has been going strong for three days. It has gone places that I could not have imagined. I just wanted to celebrate how good it feels to be alive and to love my physical self again. It has been such a joy to communicate with the other members on this board, whether the topic is serious or silly.

Imagine what I would have missed if I had died back in October. You guys Rock..er Grok!

[pebblehead]

Yay, Pebbles. Glad you're back on track! And yes, the "Feeling Sexy" thread sure has been entertaining.

[NourishedEm]

Hey Pebbles,

I thought I'd come on over from the Feeling Sexy thread, which has been a lot of fun! Sorry to hear about your PE. However sometimes the worst things that happen can have the best result. You have so much more to gain now from the Primal lifestyle and so many reasons not to sabotage yourself.

This forum is also a wonderful resource as I'm sure you've realised. There are times I'm sure I would have thrown in the towel if it weren't for the advice and support I've received here.

I'm looking forward to seeing you transform yourself into the fit, healthy and confidant woman we all know is there

[Pebbles67]

So today I started feeling the first signs of PMS. I feel irritable, but worse than that I am food obsessing. I will work the plan - up fats, eat more primal food, take supplements and fight like hell to get through this week clean. I should be fine by next week.

I still feel like a Goddess, just a cranky one.