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Thread: The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 357

  1. #3561
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is offline Moderator
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    I usually sleep better alone. I almost always wake up when Boyfriend comes to bed. Lately, the cat has been more restless at night so I have to get up to let her in, out, or give her a gentle kick to stop scratching at the door. She always follows me for bed, but only sits for a minute (the door has to be closed because Boyfriend has music and lights on in the room across the hall). When the stars are aligned (aka. my health is good and my supplement levels are right, esp. 5-HTP), I can sleep through Boyfriend coming to bed, at least. He likes to snuggle and I like to toss around even though I sleep in the same position every night.

    I hope hubby figures out what's going on with himself soon and stops dumping his stress on you, for you and your family's sake.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  2. #3562
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    you should know me well enough by now to know I prefer long answers.

    So, I do understand the work out schedule now.

    Yep, sleeping alone is very nice. When we were on Sabbatical, we had 2 twin beds on the floor, next to each other but not quite touching. Best sleep we have ever had as a couple. we snuggled on the one I slept on, then when we were ready to sleep he rolled over onto his twin. That bedroom also had a VERY loud fan. We called it the turbo fan! Our spare bed is the 2 twins set on box springs, but so that it feels like a king I have a layer of the egg crate foam on it, a fairly thin layer of memory foam (2" at the most), and a featherbed topped cover sheet (all from Target) and it has the same effect. Everyone who sleeps in that bed oversleeps. I think having the 2 mattresses keeps the partner's movements contained. Worth considering.
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
    Unknown

    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

    My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day

  3. #3563
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    Pebbles67 is offline Senior Member
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    Binged. I got on here last night and wrote a "F it all" post and then erased it. I am so addicted to carbs and sugar that I can't seem to make a clean week anymore. Like Robb Wolf says, it is like heroin to me. It is a damn shame too, because I did so well my first year. I can feel it all slipping away. I am tired of looking like a fool in my own journal and am about ready to leave MDA for a while.

    Before anyone says W30 is too restrictive, remember that I have tried every combination of programs. 80/20, SPII, Leptin Reset, W30, Primal with Prozac etc and binged on every one. The only thing I have not tried in a long time is VLC. I keep getting talked out of it.

    My plan is to re start tomorrow on W30 / VLC. Today I am still in binge mode. I don't feel like going to work either. It is going to be that kind of day.

  4. #3564
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    Hey Pebbles...

    Sorry you're having a rough go of it.... Understand totally. Being a newbie around here, but a little long in the tooth from other experiences in life, I get it that crap can make ya want to just say "F it all"... For what it's worth, my "sage" newbie advice is to hang in there and keep doing what you know works for you. You are only beaten when you quit trying. I don't mean for that to sound like a trite, but it is true.
    I remember seeing a t-shirt a few years ago that, while humorous to me, held a large granule of truth. It had a picture of a frog in the mouth of a stork and the frog had it's hands around the throat of the stork. The caption on the shirt said "NEVER, EVER GIVE UP!"

    Don't quit.. keep plugging. From looking at your journal, you have a crap-load of friends in your corner rooting for your success.... You can only do this one day at a time. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised.... do today the best you can.

  5. #3565
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    I was wondering when you edited so quickly.

    But that just happens some times, Pebbles.

    And you don't look like a fool! You look just like what you are: a brave and determined woman struggling with (and within) a very difficult situation. It IS like heroin. And that's some serious shit. Brava to you for having the guts to tackle it.

    You are already in a much better spot than you were two years ago. And look, even down in the depths, you are looking towards tomorrow. So what if you're down today? Everyone gets, and probably even needs, days like that.

    Do what you are going to do, eat what you are going to eat, and don't let the stress make it even worse for you. (Hopefully something nice though, maybe really good ice cream, and not just stale Little Debbie snacks from the vending machine! Do it up nice, because you deserve your binges to be luxurious.)

    Okay, maybe this advice is weird. But I don't think you need to be told to be tough. You are tough. You can do it. You will. You just don't need to do it every day.

    Leave MDA if you need a break, but know we are always thinking of you and cheering you on. I sure would miss you. You are the first one I look for when I get on every morning.

    Big hugs.

  6. #3566
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    All is not lost with one day's set back. Do you know what set you off last night? I agree with the last poster's sentiment, "You are only beaten when you quit trying." No need to feel ashamed on our account, plenty of us are embarrassed by our own behavior too. Sometimes, it's not something you can control, and other times, you just working on it!
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  7. #3567
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    Paula, so much I would like to convey but just do not have the words or the writing skill to pull it off. First to the issue of feeling like a fool in your journal. I feel like the reason for the journal is to have a place to vent and be totally honest. In fact I am pretty sure it is the only place where I can do that. If you can't be 100% honest here and help yourself learn from your mistakes, where are you going to do it?

    I quit smoking nearly every day that I smoked, at least once in fact, for 15 years. Finally it worked. But quitting smoking is so much easier than this eating thing.

    My advice on the binging is similar to Sabine, make sure that you are treating yourself well when in a binge. The last thing you need is to beat yourself up during or after it, mentally or physically. What if when your next binge starts to come on, you stop just long enough to find the very best version of whatever it is you are craving, and sit down and mindfully enjoy it. Actually pamper yourself. No self berating either. You are just human, and it is just food. Eat it and then get on with your life.
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
    Unknown

    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

    My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day

  8. #3568
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    I would miss you horribly, but do what you need to do. Please don't leave on account of less than stellar behavior. If everyone that wasn't perfectly primal left the boards, there would be very few people left (mostly the self righteous sitting around in a circle jerk.)
    You're still figuring you and your body out. Shit happens. Life happens. Emotions grab hold and shake you like a martini. The emotions, binging, and all that only win the war when you give up. Until then, it may be a lost battle, but you're still winning the war. You win the war every day you don't say "fuck it, might as well give up for good." Even if you leave primal in search of something that works for you, I, for one, would like seeing you still here and trying to win the war.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  9. #3569
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    athomeontherange is online now Senior Member
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    Paula:

    1. you are not a fool
    2. Admitting your addicted (sugar and carbs) is the first step, take it one day at a time.
    3. Identify the trigger that set the binge.
    4. Take a sabbatical from MDA for a weekend, or a week (I have done this just to regroup- it helps)
    5. You are still lapping the people doing nothing.
    6. We love and support you whether you binge or not.
    Karin


    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

    What am I doing? Depends on the day.

  10. #3570
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    Sorry things are rough P. As for looking like a fool, hell, you're in good company. If I had a dollar for every time I jacked up this primal thing, well, I wouldn't have to dream about winning the lottery. Food is not an easy thing to overcome. If it was we'd all look like Mark or the female equivalent, and I'd never have met any of y'all. So you binged. Whoopdie fucking do. You didn't strangle a puppy or pimp slap an old lady (though some of them need it). You ate some food. People do it all the time. Hell, I ate so much fage yesterday I might as well buy stock. As you said, you have tried all kinds of combinations and there you go - for 2 years you have tried and tried and tried. You were not one of those sad sacks who posted "OMG I have done primal for 3 hours and haven't lost 42 pounds yet! WTF is wrong with this way of eating?!" You bust your (very attractive) ass and keep on trucking. Leave the forum because you are tired of looking like a fool? Please. Leave if you need a break. Leave if it make you happy. Leave if it makes it better for you. But leaving because of looking like a fool. Nope, not buying it chica. You are anything but that.

    One thing though...you said you did really well your first year. What changed? I ask because I did very well until I started trying primal d'jour - resets and what have you. Straight up primal seems to work best for me.

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