I just caught up on your journal. One thing that stuck out was this " While your husband can BE a shit, remember that most of the time he IS the shit" and I mean that in a good way. I remember the sweet things you wrote about him as well. This too, choices, choices.. we all make them but can not blame someone else for them. I tell myself this often.
Regarding the counseling costs: we have a co-pay and even then, when things were really rough earlier this year (moving, reestablishing etc.) they have a fund that helps and cut my copay in half too. You might see if they have something like that to cut down the initial fee. It sounds like you all might qualify.
I am glad your eating seems to be improving. Take care of you.. so you can take care of your family (this is one I tell myself ALL DAY EVERY DAY NOW since I am still off work post op).
luv ya gf!