The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 3

[Pebbles67]

Thoughts on Rebellion

I am finding this topic extremely hard to write about. My thoughts on rebellion are usually clearest at the end of a binge where remorse and self flaggelation have taken over. Currently I am almost three weeks removed from my last binge period. I say period because it lasted from the Thanksgiving through Christmas. LOL

For me bingeing is secretive, so my danger times are in the evening after work especially when my husband is working. All emotions can trigger a binge, but tired, bored or stressed are the most dangerous. A binge usually begins with food obsession. I can see, taste and smell what I want to eat. Then I make a choice. Lately I have been choosing to go to bed or I choose a Primal snack if I am hungry. But, sadly I have over 30 years of experience saying what the heck and going for the binge.

Once I have made the choice to binge, the rebellion takes over. "You deserve it." "You'll feel better" "______will taste so good". I often say that Scarlett O'Hara lives in my head, "After all, tomorrow is another day."

That is one of the reasons that I am so grateful for The Primal Blueprint. This lifestyle tends to quiet the rebellious voices inside by regulating my sugar levels, and hormones. Bingeing is not okay or even safe for me anymore. It is tantamount to playing Russian Roulette. The inflammation caused by high blood glucose levels and whacked out insulin responses have caused damage in my leg veins. My body then forms clots to repair the damage. The clots can move to my lungs as they did in October or to my heart and brain. Dying for food is just not worth it.

Let's get rebellious about living!

[Pebbles67]

I said that I would always be honest in this journal, so it is confession. time.

Yesterday was my son's and my mother's birthday. For the appetizers I stayed fairly primal. The cheese and the hummus would have put it in the 20% category. Unfortunately, I chose to have some of my husband's homemade mac & cheese with my almond fried chicken. Dessert was low carb icecream and sugarfree chocolate syrup (total frankenfood).

I ate way too much last night and the pasta has left me feeling hungover and bloated. Yuck. The great news is that it was a choice, not a binge and I feel no desire to eat grains today.

I know that my eating will not always be perfect. The key will be not allowing one bad meal to turn into days of bingeing as I described yesterday.

[Debbie]

Hi Pebbles,

I just read your journal; thank you for sharing. It's just occurred to me that I am rebelling and did not know it ... I have not been posting here. To be fair, I am not on facebook much anymore and have quit a couple of (completely different subject matter) forums altogether. However ... I have not been posting and my exercise has slipped ... and it's because I went from 80/20 to 60/40 on most days.

Thanks for giving me a reality check. It did just start off as "it's the holidays" but real life hit me upside the head and I got lazy (or passively rebellious? ha ha). In the tradition of twelve-step programs, I will say that "Just for today ..." I will eat what I truly want (that would make me 80/20 or better) and go for a walk.

It's cold out there! Put a scarf over your mouth and nose if you go out! =)

[pebblehead]

Stay strong! At least you're thoughtful enough to see the cause and effect (pasta/junk --> hangover/bloating). Hopefully that will make it easier next time some of those foods are tempting you.

[Pebbles67]

Hi Debbie, Thank you for reading. Glad my ramblings helped. As to the cold, I think we NYers are going to be very tired of winter by the time it ends this year.

Welcome back Pebblehead, I will stay strong. I know you will come and club me over the head if I don't.

[Pebbles67]

Ugh. I just took some before photos. Four months late, but oh well. I've lost 20 pounds and many inches, but it hurt to look at the pics. Wish I had some true befores to compare with. My husband who was the photographer said he could really see the difference. He was very sweet.

[Debbie]

Hi Debbie, Thank you for reading. Glad my ramblings helped. As to the cold, I think we NYers are going to be very tired of winter by the time it ends this year.

I've been amused by my changing attitude towards winter. From 2004 to 2009, I hated it more and more each year. Now ... this year ... not so much.

But ask me in March, when I am crying for tulips.

Besides, we are hiding under layers of clothing and come summer, we'll have to buy new clothes! Yay us!

[Pebbles67]

Besides, we are hiding under layers of clothing and come summer, we'll have to buy new clothes! Yay us!

That is certainly a worthy goal to shoot for. This winter is actually easier than past years. I finally have two teenagers to shovel snow.

[Pebbles67]

I just finished reading Gary Taubes Why We Get Fat.

I've decided that next week I will tighten up my program. Drop Fruit, Get my carbs below 50. I am one of those people that have been insulin resistant for so long that I would probably benefit from lower carbs for a while. I'll report my progress here.

[Pebbles67]

Thoughts on PMS Sorry to any guys reading this journal. I just want to talk about female hormones and how I sabotage myself on a monthy basis while under their influence.

I had three solid primal weeks in before last Saturday (1/15). I was feeling great, strong and confident that nothing was going to derail me. Unfortunately PMS snuck up on me, the symptoms of fatigue and irritability were so much better than usual. My only clue was feeling increased carb cravings that sadly coincided with a family birthday party. I ate some grains, confessed it here and figured I would be able to jump right back in.
It didn't happen. I had five days of evening binges after having perfectly clean mornings. Then, I ate carbs for a whole day straight. Now, if you have read my entire journal, you know how stupid this was. I sometimes feel like my hormones are dictating my life. Yes, I am making the choice to eat carbs. Some of you would say "Put on your big girl panties and tough it out"...and you would be right. This behavior makes me furious with myself.

Here's my plan: I posted above that I will cut my carbs to below 50. This is not necessary for everyone, but it does help me kill cravings. Yesterday was a clean under 50 carb day. I will supplement daily with L-glutamine powder for the same reason. I will make sure I am aware of the calendar, so that I can fight the PMS monster instead of feeding it.

Any other suggestions would be appreciated.