The Bedrock Journal - ( Pebbles67) page 291

[Pebbles67]

Poison Ivy - Going to see the doctor today for a steroid shot.

Food Plan - I have been doing several weeks of permissive eating; allowing myself to eat exactly what I want when I am hungry and stopping when I am full. My weight has been stable. I am now going to try and clean things up again to a Primal state. We'll see what happens.

[Mud Flinger]

Poison Ivy - BOOOOOO!!!!!

My brother is so alergic he swells up until you can't recognize him - sounds like you aren't much better with swollen lips - definitely go for the steroid shot!

Funny, I've never gotten it - seems I may be immune which is really weird to be given that my immune system has gone so nuts over other stuff.

Feel better soon and hire some one to remove that stuff for you. I understand that many South Americans (Maybe Brazil?) are immune and can rub the stuff head to toe with no reaction.

[Pebbles67]

Well, I am out of the belly dance performance and possibly out of the group for good. She said that she could not change her mind due to being fair to the other dancers and my lack of practice. She said she hoped I would participate with them in the future. I told her I understood and said I hoped so too.

The other night at practice, she kept messing up the choreography which at the time she blamed on an injured shoulder. In the email, she claimed that my presence threw everyone off, even her. So I used that as my reason to bow out completely. I told her I did not want to distract them from the performance preparation.

I'm somewhat sad. I like belly dance, but I refuse to cater to someone else's ego. I'm pissed that I spent nearly $300 on dance costume pieces. Maybe I can find another group nearby.

[Sabine]

Bummer. I hope it doesn't get you down for long.

[Pebbles67]

Last night, I dreamt that my Mom and I were driving around my hometown on the east end of Long Island. We passed our home, my HS and my best friend's home. It was very vivid.

We seemed content, but I felt as if something was off. Suddenly I got a phone call saying that the bus company had tried to drop off my youngest son from school, but there was no one home to take him off the bus. We drove around frantically trying to find my house. It didn't dawn on me for quite a while that my home was in a town 200 miles away. Weird.

[demuralist]

I am really sorry about the belly dance situation. When I took a belly dance class it was through the community education system, you might try that (the catalogs generally list the teacher's name, just in case).

I am also sorry about your dream, I know that sort of thing can cause an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Also, just as an aside, when I remember my dreams vividly it is, for me, usually an indication that my deep sleep is being disturbed, since generally the dream I remember is the one I was having when I wake up-whether I wake up because of the dream or for another reason. You may want to wear your bugg a couple of nights to see how your sleep is going.

[lopisheep]

Sorry about your dream. Nothing worse than too much anxiety about one's kids -- whether a dream or reality. Makes me want to get them all -- plus their kids and all the animals and move us to a huge farm where they'll be "safe."

Hope the reality has been much better. I find I have very weird dreams if I IF at dinner. I can IF with impunity at breakfast or lunch. The best thing for me is a huge chunk of cheese before bed -- sleepwise, NOT weight-wise. That darn dairy -- tastes so good, but it's a definite weight gain for me.

Have a super day!

[Pebbles67]

I'm currently reading It Starts with Food. I'm planning on using the tenets of whole 30 as the basis of my permanent eating plan. Both times I tried it I had great success.

Through the permissive eating recommended by my ED counselor, I have discovered that half measures only keep me fat and sick. I was supposed to allow myself foods that I had been avoiding in order to get out of the deprivation mindset, while eating only when hungry and stopping when satisfied. Unfortunately, some foods just set me off. The truth is that I am heavier than I have been in over a year. Part of it is the prednisone I am on to fight the poison ivy, and part of it is my the aforementioned way of eating.

I've come to the conclusion that when I am eating clean, I don't feel deprived. I feel empowered. I can't afford to keep playing with the food. Time to put on my big girl panties and give up the stuff that is killing me, for good. I am not a person who can do 80/20. I need to embrace that fact and act accordingly.

[lopisheep]

Damn, you are so right. I'm going to bite the bullet at 100% and see what can happen by December 31st (I'm picking that 'cause ecks did, so it's gotta' be a good date:-)

[demuralist]

Paula, I gained 14 pounds in the 7 days I did Prednisone, and it took me 4 weeks to take it back off, not fair! Hope yours comes off easier.

p.s. the protocol I am doing is actually helping me with the urge to eat sweets and even with my tendency toward binges. I did do a bit of a mini binge yesterday (mini because it was not actually a big quantity, binge because it was not needed-hunger wise and it was flour/sugar combo). But it was no where near my past experiences. And the feeling, mentally, was and is very different. I think the xylitol in water is helping to quell the sweet urges, the oil is quelling the mass portion urges. And I think that it would fall within your Whole 30. FWIW since I have not actually lost any weight yet.