Should I stay or should I go?
1 week to decide.
Geez, I totally forgot to post the last day!!!!! I kept the info on my phone, so here goes. The end of my lent challenge:
DAY 46: Saturday 4/23/11: Food: 2 scrambled eggs, 4 pieces bacon; cheese & toppings from Lino's pizza, 2 pieces no crust; 2 small pieces of chocolate cake with whipped cream frosting; mint chocolate chip ice cream; Mrs Fishers potato chips & french onion dip. Yes, this was a birthday party & I splurged.
Exercise: 3 mile morning run; 2 mile walk; LHT
Numbers, because I'm a math geek 2060 calories; 35% carbs; 15% protein; 50% fat
WOOOOO... I guess what I learned from all of this is that I mess up a lot with junk food, ha I already know that. It is very easy for me to slip from small amounts of junk to having it every day, every meal. Tracking my food online has helped a lot, keeps me focused on eating better micro & macro nutrient ratios. The days when I do that are the ones with lots of veggies added & less nutrient-poor junk. If I eat food my body needs to repair itself & become stronger, there is less room for cr@p.
Also, as far as the transparency. It is embarrassing to show just how much junk I eat... but that's the whole point. No more shame, no more berating myself for a slip-up. Just healing my screwed-up relationship with food.
Another thing I've been thinking about lately... when did this screwed up view of food start? When I was a child, all of our family get-togethers were food-oriented... and it was not healthy food... I'm talking pizza, chips & dip. So, I view that food as comforting and full of good memories. Then there were the food hang-ups when I was vegetarian. But I wasn't sneaking food, and I never felt guilty. I just ate what I ate, and lived very happily (but fat).
The past few years though, I started sneaking food and feeling guilt/shame for eating it. I had never felt that way before, but now all of a sudden I was feeling fat and bad about myself. How did that start? (I actually did a little timeline of this... really interesting) While I was restricting my calories severely, I was very good about eating well (CW style) and not eating junk. No cheating, no remorse. I was a martyr: "I must eat this grilled chicken on romaine lettuce with no dressing for every meal because I'm overweight". After months (years?) of eating low-fat low-cal, and working out 2+ hours every day with no weight loss, something snapped. If I was at a stable weight eating junk & stable weight eating "healthy" as well, why bother eating the "healthy" food that tastes bad? That's when I started sneaking junk food into my house, hiding it in my car so no one would see. Funny thing, my weight was exactly the same as before. But now I had an emotional eating problem...
I won't go into details, but just state here in my journal for the record that my "snap", the sneaking of junk and shame it caused, coincides with someone close to me starting to shame me for being fat. Between being told that I was a bad, unworthy person for being fat (as well as lazy) and working my butt off without results... I gave up. That's pretty painful to think about, but I'm glad I spent the past couple of months doing an inventory of why I am the way that I am.
Maybe this is why the "eat less, move more" fat-shaming crowd pisses me off, and why I want to help people by changing their views of obesity and weight issues in general. Not sure how I'm going to do this, but I will. Ok, that's enough for now.
Sorry if anyone is reading this.
Should I stay or should I go?
1 week to decide.
Today's food:Breakfast: Earl Grey Latte, whole milk, no syrup
Lunch: Chicken satay over veggie stirfry (non-primal sauce, so what!)
Dinner: Leftover grass-fed burger with small salad & sauteed squash
If I need a snack before the gym: handful of dry roasted nuts
Today's exercise: Already did some walking and dancing this morning for fun. 6:30 Zumba class, then will do my LHT routine despite still being sore from Friday. Woo! I feel good today!
Ramble of the day:Staying with my plan with some minor hangups. Starbucks is one. I will not give up my Earl Grey Lattes, but I will order them without vanilla syrup. Anyway, I'm obsessed with lifting heavier weights the past couple of weeks - ever since this article was posted. Wow. I need to keep up my miles in preparation of hiking, but I am increasing the weight I lift too. My "plan" seems to agree with me... my pants are huge on me.
Today's food:Breakfast: small Earl Grey Latte, whole milk, no syrup
Lunch: Spinach, onion, mushroom, bacon omelette with 1/2 cup of roasted potatoes w/peppers & onions
Afternoon snack: handful of dry roasted nuts
Today's exercise: Need to run tonight, but stuck at work.
Ramble of the day: Ya know, I hate being on call for work. It seems like every time I have a good work/life balance for even a day or two, bam... I have to sit here on a conference call until dark. It is 6:50pm, the office is empty. It looks beautiful outside, and here I sit. This has been the norm for the past year or two... it's just draining the life out of me. When I'm not physically here, I've got the blackberry to check. emails. People send emails at midnight or 1am, and not just the people in India! These are people in the US, who should be living their lives but are instead logged in and sending me emails, which I don't read until the morning (then they wonder why I didn't respond sooner!) Wonder if others are going through the same thing, or if it is just me.
Today's food:Let's see... tea, coffee w/milk, burger with grilled veggies, mini brownie (bummer since I was so good yesterday!), whatever I have for dinner.
Today's exercise: Again, stuck at work. Standing, walking, stairs, lunges...
Ramble of the day: BROWNIES, why do you have to be so good? I broke down and had a small one today. The chocolatey goodness was lovely, but the wooziness afterward is not. Note to self: stock up on dark chocolate for these occasions. Chocolate good, wheat bad!
Just dropping to give you some love.
I beat the ice cream sandwich monster at the office today.
My new journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread62655.html
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
Weird joint pain & swelling on my index finger. Wonder if it is a mouse injury, or something else. Or maybe I'm just getting old.
I leave for a backpacking trip on Friday. My goal for this week is to eat clean food - no junk - until then. Good thing I'm going grocery shopping tonight - I need to load up on veggies and good protein.
So far, so good today. Had milky tea and 1 slice of bacon for breakfast; a whole lotta veggies w/chicken in tomato sauce (from the cafeteria, so not totally primal) for lunch. Have paleostix for a snack later. Dinner will likely be a lettuce roll-up or something else super fast as I plan to go to the gym tonight for lifting heavy stuff.
Had a conversation with a guy in the lunch line today because he noticed that I ordered my pasta without pasta. He asked why, and I said that I feel better without bread & pasta. He was really curious... "is it the gluten?" "how did you find out?" "so no sandwiches?" He was very nice about it so I answered. Yes, it seems to be the gluten. Small amounts are ok, but I just avoid it as much as I can. Told him how I tested negative for celiac disease, so I just took it out of my diet for 2 weeks then added it back (and quickly got foggy-brained and sick to my stomach). I told him that occasionally I make almond flour bread, but mostly I just eat things with a fork or wrapped in lettuce. Then another guy said his sister is also is gluten free, and they talked about how common it is. They both were ordering pasta with garlic bread, so I just kept my mouth shut about how it may actually be bad for everyone. Yay, I didn't get preachy! I figure small steps...