I am amazed. I feel lighter. I feel unfettered, unrestricted. I have no idea what drives human beings to need permission to do something that comes naturally, why we cave to others when we know deep within ourselves what is right. I have an intense joy in knowing that finally, I can eat the way I want to. The way I've always gravitated to.
Since I was a teen, I've naturally gravitated to eating twice a day. I like to eat around 10am, and again around 6pm, maybe 7pm if I'm busy. Somewhere in there I'll have a snack, something small, but more often than not I won't.
For years, I've fought this. I've made myself eat breakfast, even though I feel like I'm going to puke. I worked at jamming those 3 meals and 2 or 3 snacks in a day. I counted calories, I tracked and monitored. My weight exploded, and just wouldn't come off. FitDay told me I should be losing, and losing alot. Nothing moved, nothing changed, I just felt frustrated and sick.
The last week, since deciding its time to make "the change", has been wonderful! I eat breakfast when I want, and I eat leftover chunk o' meat. If thats all I want, thats all I eat. If I want some pickles with that, or some fruit, or some carrots or berries, its all good. If I skip lunch, or if I don't eat till 10, its all ok. Dinner is veggies, and meat. I love both. I can eat cauliflower every day, I will maul a broccoli with butter on it. Whole roast onions are wonderful. I know these things, because I've always loved these things. I know how to cook meat, handle it, store it, where to buy it in large quantities, because thats what comes naturally to me.
Having someone give me that permission to not force myself to eat, and if hungry to eat, is amazing. To know its ok to not eat bread, that I don't have to cook rice when really all I want is fried up ground beef with mushrooms, onions and a white sauce thrown in. I would force, *force* myself to make rice to go with that. Not that I hate rice, I just didn't want to eat it.
I love berries. Those frozen berry mixes at the supermarket? I'm there. I'd force myself to make oatmeal, so I'd have the excuse to eat berries. Now, those berries are along side high fat cottage cheese, or with bacon and eggs. Again, I don't mind oatmeal, I have nothing against it, but I was only using it as a medium to eat what I really wanted to. To eat things that aren't even unhealthy! How crazy is that?
Breakfast this morning was left over roast beef from last night. Lunch was the same, with a pear and some baby carrots. I don't feel deprived, and I don't feel like I'm eating the same thing over and over, because I'm eating something I like. People can eat a bagel for breakfast for years, or the same cereal, and not feel restricted because they like it. Well, now I feel free to do the same.