Saoirse's Primal Journal page 70

[Pebbles67]

I think I am about 10 years older than you which might make the difference. Not that I am more mature or experienced or any of that jazz, but more that I am in an older dating pool. Young women might be fawning over 'ideal male figures' in magazines but most women over 35 are more realistic. Having a job is sexier than having chiseled abs once you get to a certain age

Absolutely! And if I were ever in the dating pool again, God forbid, I would be looking for a good hearted man of my own age. No cougar boy toys for me. Having lived with one man for almost 21 years I have learned that looks are just a small part of a much bigger picture. Speaking of looks though, this damn Primal lifestyle has made me so "healthy" looking that several men in their mid 20's have recently shown interest in me. It's kinda creepy. lol

[Pebbles67]

lol, i check my husband's browser history sometimes. or at least i used to when we were living together.

I don't do this anymore. There was a period when I was very insecure about myself. I would check the history, see that he was looking at porn and get my feelings hurt. When I asked him about it, he said "Well, I'm not getting much from you right now, and this is the safest option."

Did that hurt? You bet, but it pulled me out of myself enough to see that I was not being the wife he needed in that moment. Now before anyone gets their hackles up, please remember that I am talking about my marriage only and the following may not apply to anyone else. I have learned that for my husband, sex is a huge part of the emotional relationship. If he's not getting it regularly, he feels as if I don't want/love him. I on the other hand tend to pull away when I'm not feeling physically and mentally good. In those times, I could honestly live without sex. So finding the balance between us in this area has been key. Of course Primal Living has helped with this immensely. I feel physically and mentally good almost all the time

[Saoirse]

no, you're spot on in some regard. we've had some issues for a while, some of which have effected our sex life in big ways. this is one of the areas that we're working on now.

[Pebbles67]

You have a very tough situation right now. It must be so hard for you two to work on anything long distance.

[Jenny]

Wow, I missed some touchy conversations over the weekend RE: aggressive media. But it was a very interesting topic regardless! Still, I'm glad it didn't turn into some full blow-out.

a very interesting trend with men's magazines: natural body hair is coming back around. Perhaps I only notice because I've got chest hair, but you never used to see that. ....
Now for some of that "here's what real X look like" awesomeness to roll around for women in the media.

I'm with ya on that. I actually have no personal preference either way, but it is a pet peeve of mine that the media depiction is somehow expecting guys to have zero fuzz. It's a hell of a lot easier and therefore more plausible for women to shave their legs, than to expect some random guy to somehow meet the no-torso-fuzz ideal.

Natural body hair on men is a side-effect of testosterone so I can't imagine it staying permanently out of style. (Then again, I'm sure there were proto-humans hundreds of thousands of years ago bemoaning the trend of us losing our fur!)

As for "here's what real X look like" for women, hmm. As shown earlier in the thread there've been some magazines doing that.

On the other hand, this kind of vibe irritates me: "Oh that magazine showed a woman with a slight flaw! Or slightly overweight! Let's gush all over the magazine as if they did some kind of noble charity work!"

I mean, should it really be such a big deal to the point that it sounds like they're throwing us uggers a bone? I dunno.

I heard a lot of praise for the Dove ads showing not-stick-thin women a while back, but those ads were for anti-cellulite "firming" lotion so... the overall message didn't seem so great to me. If it were some other kind of ad and the woman depicted just _happened_ to be not-super-skinny, then I might feel differently about it.

Every sitcom depicts a dipshit male alongside an unappreciated kick-ass female who handles everything and has to fix the male's mistakes. It's getting old

Yeah, it's pretty frakkin' tedious. I sometimes wonder if this is sort of a politically correct thing. It's easy to have the guy be the comedic loser type, because if you made a woman the object of ridicule, then it's like you're being anti-feminist somehow. And while you're at it, the ridiculous guy had better be white, too.

I think this separation has been really good for us. I have been in a relationship with him longer than I've been an adult. As cheesy as this sounds, I really think I need to figure out who I am and what I stand for in terms of relationship dynamics before we can have a truly fulfilling relationship.

Constructive way to look at it! It's definitely giving you a fresh perspective. I think the part that worries me is not so much the separation itself, as that you two are having some problems that happen to coincide with the time that you're separated.

realized that we are sexy because we are sexual, not because all of our body parts look perfect.

This is so true. Ultimately looks do play into attraction to varying degrees for different people... perhaps moreso when the attractive people in question are otherwise unknown... but when it comes to finding people you actually know and interact with attractive? Confidence and intent are the most important things.

What I mean is... in a sexual situation, what's exciting is ... words are failing me. Sincere intent? Enthusiasm? Excitement?

Yeah, to sum up: excitement is exciting, how's that for circular logic. XD

As for browser history -- I can see how for some people that would be an invasion of privacy, and for others not. Depends on the couple I guess. I mean if you're sharing a computer and you don't clear history and both partners use the history for their own browsing, it's inevitable that you'll figure out what your partner's been up to. That doesn't HAVE to be a big deal. But for another couple just the fact that any kind of porn was viewed at all would be kind of crushing.

In either case, I'd say the "OMG what was s/he looking at? I MUST KNOW and I will assume it reflects on me personally" sort of degree of obsession would be an unhealthy thing, though.

[Saoirse]

Wow, I missed some touchy conversations over the weekend RE: aggressive media. But it was a very interesting topic regardless! Still, I'm glad it didn't turn into some full blow-out.

yeah, the people who frequent my journal are cool like that.

On the other hand, this kind of vibe irritates me: "Oh that magazine showed a woman with a slight flaw! Or slightly overweight! Let's gush all over the magazine as if they did some kind of noble charity work!"

i know, and i completely agree. but baby steps, jenny. i don't generally look at magazines or read their websites, but glamor was mentioned by a site which focused on positive body messages for girls, and so i checked it out. they're rather progressive in this sense compared to other magazines. certainly not perfect, there are still plenty of articles on weight loss and whatnot, but they're trying. in addition to that picture, they have hired a number of beautiful women of varying sizes so that, as they put it, women of all sizes can share in the fantasy that is media. baby steps...

I heard a lot of praise for the Dove ads showing not-stick-thin women a while back, but those ads were for anti-cellulite "firming" lotion so... the overall message didn't seem so great to me. If it were some other kind of ad and the woman depicted just _happened_ to be not-super-skinny, then I might feel differently about it.

what they did was just intelligent marketing, there was no progressive intent there.

Yeah, it's pretty frakkin' tedious. I sometimes wonder if this is sort of a politically correct thing. It's easy to have the guy be the comedic loser type, because if you made a woman the object of ridicule, then it's like you're being anti-feminist somehow. And while you're at it, the ridiculous guy had better be white, too.

could be, but likely it's also poor writing. why not make characters who are multidimensional?

Constructive way to look at it! It's definitely giving you a fresh perspective. I think the part that worries me is not so much the separation itself, as that you two are having some problems that happen to coincide with the time that you're separated.

in some ways it's more difficult to work through this stuff with the distance. we can't read each other's emotions or give each other a hug. but at the same time, some of it has been easier. we've gone through some heavy stuff, and it's possible it would have been too much intensity to deal with if not for the benefit of distance from each other. hard to say. whatever the case, i think we're over the hump. still some things to work out, and the real test will be once we're able to reunite, but we're talking easily together again.

This is so true. Ultimately looks do play into attraction to varying degrees for different people... perhaps moreso when the attractive people in question are otherwise unknown... but when it comes to finding people you actually know and interact with attractive? Confidence and intent are the most important things.

What I mean is... in a sexual situation, what's exciting is ... words are failing me. Sincere intent? Enthusiasm? Excitement?

Yeah, to sum up: excitement is exciting, how's that for circular logic. XD

very true. i suppose if you actively show interest in another person, that makes you more attractive to them than you otherwise would've been.

As for browser history -- I can see how for some people that would be an invasion of privacy, and for others not. Depends on the couple I guess. I mean if you're sharing a computer and you don't clear history and both partners use the history for their own browsing, it's inevitable that you'll figure out what your partner's been up to. That doesn't HAVE to be a big deal. But for another couple just the fact that any kind of porn was viewed at all would be kind of crushing.

very true. we've run the whole gamut of options in our relationship, from it being strictly verboten to viewing it together. i don't know where the ideal is for both of us.

In either case, I'd say the "OMG what was s/he looking at? I MUST KNOW and I will assume it reflects on me personally" sort of degree of obsession would be an unhealthy thing, though.

+1


i made ganache again. seriously need to order that meat. i tried, and the company that i ordered from wouldn't return my phone call or email. :/ i'll have to look elsewhere.


IMGP0572 by SaoirseCaesar2011, on Flickr

[Saoirse]

lunch:


IMGP0573 by SaoirseCaesar2011, on Flickr


IMGP0575 by SaoirseCaesar2011, on Flickr

[Jenny]

but baby steps, jenny... positive body messages for girls...

Oh, I think it helps, don't get me wrong. It has to happen somehow. I just waffle in my interpretation of when it's a truly progressive choice and when it's basically about grabbing more market share (like the Dove ads.) It can be both at once, though.

whatever the case, i think we're over the hump. still some things to work out, and the real test will be once we're able to reunite, but we're talking easily together again.

WHEW. Yay. That's good! Maybe in the long term hindsight analysis, the net effect of it all will be positive. Or at least break-even.

i suppose if you actively show interest in another person, that makes you more attractive to them than you otherwise would've been.

For some people it works that way -- maybe even most people. I know I certainly like the people who clearly like ME a lot more than people who don't like me.

If I pretend I'm someone who likes chocolate, that ganache looks really good! I'll show it to Optimus so he gets a better sense of what you meant.

As for the meat company... yeah, if they're unresponsive they're presumably gone. Either way, useless for your purposes! Good luck finding another.

[NurseMama5]

just caught up not checking HIS history, just looking for a site I couldn't remember the name. I don't care if he looks at porn, I watch more than he does. youporn.com almost on the daily

[Saoirse]

such a shame about the meat company. they had a great grill pack, and also raw pancreas at $5/lb. all grassfed and not too far away from where i live. oh well, i'll just have to look elsewhere. i know where i can find meat of a comparable price.

re checking browser history, when we first were married, porn didn't bother me a bit. in fact, i thought it was kind of interesting. i won't go into why my opinion changed, it's not for me to say in a public forum, but we've really gone back and forth as a couple on this topic. so sometimes i checked browser history out of curiosity, sometimes by accident (using his computer and needing to find a website i had previously visited), sometimes for fun, sometimes out of some fucked-up drive to prove my own inferiority. of course i can't do it right now, but i doubt that i would. currently, i don't really know where we each stand wrt porn, and it's not important to me at the moment. we're moving forward as a couple, past issues may crop up and need to be dealt with, but by and large i think we're more focused on creating the relationship we want rather than stewing in the ways we've fucked up.

tonight i'm feeling particularly shitty about myself. no logical reason for it, please hold off on the balloons and party hats because i'm not going to throw myself a pity party.

i think it may be diet related. i have been snacking mercilessly on ganache and other dopamine-spiking substances, but today i decided that it was going to stop. my ass is growing again, opposite of my goals. i did make some ganache last night out of 85% dark chocolate. previous batch was made from chocolate chips, and thus higher in sugar, and thus very "addictive." this darker batch is still quite pleasurable, but not of foodgasm proportions, so i think it's safe to leave it in the freezer for a rare treat. anyway, just a few days of mopiness and i'm sure i'll be back to normal. funny the way food effects a person.