i've honestly never dated. my husband and i were "dating' when i was 17, married when i was 18, and so i have no experience with the whole dating scene. canio, thanks for the encouragement. he's not talking to me today it seems, so i don't know what's going to happen.
Patrick- i don't really care if he's mature in terms of straight-laced, quiet evenings at home sort of mature. i mean i want someone who's capable of dealing with his emotions in a mature (not destructive) way. i want someone with a high emotional and verbal IQ.
single life is starting to look better and better. yesterday, i was ready to have a calm, rational discussion about what we each needed to do in order to move forward. but when we tried to talk last night, he was angry at me from the start so we ended the conversation. i tried to be loving and leave the door open (texted him: "you sound hurt, do you want to try another conversation") even though i wanted to just ignore him. he probably thought i was being needy. today, his bad mood is continuing. i texted to ask if we can talk, he told me he was going out to play pool... i don't need this today.
Last edited by Saoirse; 08-12-2011 at 07:03 PM.
"Oh, you wanted answers...yeah, sorry, I'm not so good with those. Uh, probably something to do with science or something..." -- canio6
August 2010: 207 lb, 37" waist, 25+% BF | Currently: 177 lb, 33" waist, ~15% BF
Sometimes blogging as The Primal Mind. (My unorthodox and filthy-mouthed journal is semi-retired at this point)
Sending you some cyber hugs
thanks geo. i hate this emotional roller coaster, but today i'm feeling okay with it. he's still not really talking to me, probably assuming that i'm sad and lonely, and just am trying to hold out until he calls. truth is, i'm starting not to care if he calls or not. i mean it still hurts but life's going on. if he wants to let this go, that's okay. i'll move on. i'm going to try to bring my vents to a divorce/relationship message board and try instead to keep my MDA journal positive. i hate unloading on you all.
i'm starting to define my life goals; whoever comes into my life (or decides to stay in my life) can choose to fit into my life or not. i'm choosing to use this whole mess as a catalyst for growth and improvement. life will be better because i'll make it better (though i know it's going to be tough, especially financially).
goals that i've figured out so far:
-be financially independent in a job that i enjoy (engineering and bartending are two possibilities).
-be physically fit
-have outside interests (haven't figured out the details yet, but i think martial arts and dance are on top of the list)
-enjoy a DIVERSE social life. married-w/kids people tend to socialize with the same. i want to socialize with them (don't get me wrong, i have some super awesome friends who i would never trade in), but i also like learning from people who don't necessarily share the same lifestyle as i do. this means occasionally going out in adult-only crowds.
heh, that's my super-rough draft so far. certain things like martial arts classes will have to take a backseat to other pressing needs like income (and of course my kids' education). i'm applying to a local engineering school. the deadline is monday and i don't have my transcripts in so i may have to wait until spring semester. probably better that way anyway.
hmm...sometimes we're up, and sometimes we're down. right now, we're up. i shared with him my note-taking (i've been taking notes during our conversations so i can identify what can be done), we had a multiple-hour conversation, and he's going to start taking notes too. i'm sticking to my goals anyway, which i also shared with him. he wasn't in opposition, but i'm not sure if he thinks i could be an engineer. oh well, i can manage without his blessing.
I'm of the belief that you can do whatever you want, you just have to believe that you can do it. Personally, I think a bartending job may be a good thing for you. It'll get you out of the house and you can easily get a couple hundred a night in tips at a decent bar. Keep a little of it as spending money and sock the rest away. Like you said, you don't really know what the future holds.
somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug
What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony
i think bartending would be a lot of fun, and i imagine i could get great tips. i'd actually put "serving" (waitressing) on that list, but it doesn't pay as well, even with tips, and the hours are more wild.
geo- i could easily put money away right now, but i think that would discourage cooperation if things went further south. he's expressed the sentiment that he would want to be very cooperative, and would still want me to stay at home. i'm more willing to trust that rather than risk cooperation by putting money away.